Mirroring God: a Dad's job description

There are so many areas of life a dad is responsible for. Providing for the financial needs of the family. Protecting from danger. Mowing the yard and taking out the trash and changing the hard to reach light bulbs and killing bugs. (obviously some areas are more glamorous than others) But there is no responsibility quite as heavy as being your child's first picture of who God is.

When I think about my own dad, there are a few vivid memories that come to mind. We loved to watch the Cosby Show and Family Ties on Thursday nights together. Dad would always make popcorn, and put cheese salt on it. He would look around the kitchen and then almost without fail ask, "Do we need some ice cream?" As if the four kids were going to answer anything but "YES!" Then he'd run up the road to the 7-Eleven and come by with Bryers Mint Chocolate Chip as well as a 2-liter of Coke. (Coming back from the store with more than he went for was also a dad tradition) Another memory I always recall is "Sunday Morning Round Up" (this is my name for the memory) Every Sunday morning was the mad dash to get 4 women ready for church. I had a brother, but I literally have no recollection of seeing him on Sunday mornings. Perhaps he escaped to the garage or something. Anyway, dad was always an early riser and ready well before we were. So he'd start walking around asking if we needed anything "pressed" as well as taking orders for size and color of pantyhose we needed. Do not ask me why we needed new pantyhose almost every Sunday, but dad would iron all the girls' stuff and run to the store to purchase them because the ones I had were either  the wrong color or had a run in them. (side note- I do NOT miss pantyhose!) The other memory that comes to me often if I'm thinking about dad is him sitting up in the early morning reading his bible. He was always up before me, and if I got up on time I'd see him. Dad knew God's word. He used it regularly in conversation with me. (Not surprisingly he would often quote the verse to me, "Where words are many, sin is not absent" from Proverbs, much to my annoyance at the time) Dad worked hard. A lot. I didn't get to spend tons of time with him in my growing up years because he was the only working parent and put in long hours to provide for our family of six. I always knew that dad loved me though. Because when he wasn't working he was with us. I knew my mom was the love of his life, and I knew our family was what he worked so hard for.

Looking back, I see many ways dad's reflection of God was accurate. Oh sure, there were places he fell short. No one can perfectly mirror our Heavenly Father. But the lessons I learned about who God is from my father's life were enough. I knew God was faithful, sacrificial and loving. I knew He cared about the details of my life. I knew He could be counted on and I knew his strength and wisdom was far beyond mine. I knew He delighted in giving good gifts. Good gifts like my daddy gave me. Good gifts like my dad himself.

Enough

I love when my kids teach me.

It has been almost a month now since my MIL took a turn for the worse with her back. I have lost count of the times I've driven back and forth to Baptist Hospital. I am constantly posting updates on facebook, attempting to keep those who love her in the loop on the latest set back or step forward. (although to be honest, it feels like more set backs lately...) It's been an unusual season for all of us. My teenage sons are rolling with it pretty well. They don't have the need to connect with me on a daily basis as much as they used to. My little sweet pea on the other hand is starting to wear out. Between mama working and going to the hospital it hasn't felt very normal for her. Two nights ago she melted down. We talked, snuggled, I put the call phone away so I could just focus on her for a bit and she calmed down.

The next day we went on a mom-Em adventure to explore our town. We has decided we would do some explorations this summer on Fridays, but a trip to the hospital had interrupted our last Friday plan (hence the melt down). So, off we went and had a delightful time, just her and I. Kyler is off at Governor's School; Klynt was on night two of sleeping over at a friend's house- so she got me all to herself! We decided to go see an historic battlefield in our town and it was really cool. There was a cemetery connected to it that we went to as well, and it gave us time to talk about how lots of people sacrifice their lives for our freedom, which led us to talk about suffering in general. Em made a comment about war being a horrible thing, and we spent some time just talking about how God always bring good out of suffering. I thought this might be a good opportunity to bring some light to our recent struggles with Gram's illness, so I asked Emma what lessons God was teaching her in this time with Gram being in the hospital.

"What we have is enough, mom."

I agreed that was a true statement but to be honest I wasn't quite sure how Gram's illness had translated into that lesson for her. Still I pondered it all day, thinking how neat it is that God speaks to my children. Then I felt God whispering that truth to my heart. I have been quite tired, running back and forth between job, family and hospital. Yet, I have enough. I want more energy, more time, more resources- but the truth is I have what I need. I have been given exactly enough energy to accomplish the jobs God has given me. Just enough faith to believe God is working this for all our good and His glory. Enough to cover my need, not so much I can become self reliant. The part of me that desires to have more than I need is constantly trying to stock pile security. I'd like to know I have some extra in reserve, just in case what God thinks is enough for me falls short. It's a daily surrender to allow myself to use up every bit of me, knowing God will give me more at just the right moment. It's so difficult to trust, but watching God teach my sweet girl that lesson encouraged me.

Maintenance

I have not always been anxious about interstate driving. At least, I don't think I have. But 11 years ago, after moving to the Nashville area I had an incident. (I'd like to call it a hideous debacle, but that seems a little dramatic) Anyway, 11 years ago this gal was"pre-cell phone, pre-GPS" so navigating was dependent upon good directions and an internal compass that did not lead you astray. (My internal compass has always been askew. I have often said if I ever get lost in a forest, PLEASE come get me- I'll just wander in circles until a bear or at the very least, the mosquitoes, eat me alive). Anyway, I was trying to get home from Nashville back to my little suburb of the world at night, in the rain and somehow I couldn't reverse the directions properly and went the wrong way on I-40. It took me about 20 minutes to realize I was going the wrong way as I had never made this trip before. Then there were gigantic, evil semi's flying up on my tail and I couldn't slow down to see the exits very well, and when I finally found an exit with a return on-ramp I was almost out of gas. I had to pull off onto a sketchy looking exit where the gas station had bars on the windows and lots of shady characters were skulking around to get some gas and pray someone non-evil would give me real directions back to my home. (Is your heart pounding or is it just me?)

Fast forward 11 years. I have driven back and forth to Nashville 14 times in the past three weeks with my mom-in-law in the hospital. Can I do it? Yep. Is it partial misery? Yep. So today, I have begun my own personal little War on Driving Anxiety. It's called EMDR and I am delighted. It's a wonderful therapy used primarily to treat PTSD and other anxiety related issues. We offer it at Branches where I work and I have been saying for years now that I need to do it, but then it'll get a little better and I won't. I have to admit I tend to not be very good at maintenance. When something becomes a big problem I deal with it, but the little nagging things I often let go. I'm realizing though, those little nagging things often rob the joy from my life.

So here is my woman-to-woman encouragement for you: take care of yourself. Go to the doctor and get a check-up. Go to the dentist. (Haven't been in 18 years or so and I'm going this summer!) Deal with that stuff in your childhood you've never talked about but it keeps you stuck. Join the Y, or Weight Watchers or just take a walk and get moving. Write that apology letter that's been on your mind for years. Set your alarm clock for 15 minutes earlier than your kids get up so you can have one cup of coffee in peace to start your day. Buy a new bra. (You know you need one- we all do.) Read your Bible. Call your best friend. You'll be able to give and serve well as you care for and nourish your own body, heart and spirit.

The Art of Receiving

(This blog inspired by a conversation with a lovely young college friend at Steak and Shake recently)

If you have a cute little garden you'd like to nurture, you put a fence up. This is supposed to keep dogs and dandelions and random neighborhood children out, so that good stuff can grow. But let's say you aren't much of an expert in gardening. Or maybe you don't have a lot of money to buy all the plants you want to make your yard cute. Well, then you put a gate in your fence to open it and let your gardening friends come in and bring you begonias or iris bulbs. And let them tell you how to weed, water and care for your yard. Maybe they'll even pull a weed or two.

This is an excellent system, unless you open the gate to let dogs in, and close it when friends come by to help. Who would do that, you ask?

Women. We do it all the time. It's called having reverse boundaries. We let the bad into our minds and hearts and lives. Then we close the gate when the good comes knocking. You know, a friend tells you how great your hair looks and you say, "No it's awful" (close the gate) but your child says "Mom, you are looking really old" and you ponder on that statement all day (open the gate). A friend asks how they can help you during a hard time and you say "oh we're fine- we don't need anything" (close the gate) but your boss asks if you can work late, without pay, after you are already tired out from a really long week and you say "Sure, no problem" (open the gate)

Part of learning to live well, involves learning when to open and close the gate. Today my focus is on the opening part. God has so much to say in His word about how much He loves us. Often though we won't even receive God's love into our hearts because we're holding on to shame and guilt that was paid for at the cross. After we finally allow God's love in through accepting Jesus' gift, God, I believe, reaches out to us through other people He puts into our lives as well. When people see a goodness or gifting or likable part of you, and they offer some compliment or encouragement, do you know what the healthiest response is: Thank you.

That's it. Just say thank you and allow the good to come in. Open the gate. It's amazing how allowing the good in really changes us. (I give this as therapy homework all the time, by the way, so if you take the challenge it's like free therapy.)

And while I'm at it, let me just say thank you to you for reading my blog! I'm so surprised by how many people have been reading my ramblings, but I am grateful to have a way to share my journey in womanhood with you, and am always excited when you share a bit of yours with me!

Modesty

I grew up in the generation of mini skirts, Madonna's "Like a Virgin" and string bikini's. Modesty in the late 80's in central Florida was a practical challenge. For one thing, it was HOT. All the time. For another, because everyone sees each other in bathing suits so much, really short shorts don't seem too revealing. Plus, I wasn't really all that motivated to pursue modesty. Even the word sounded dowdy and matronly- not sophisticated and sexy, which was my goal. (I failed miserably as, in truth, I was just cute) Over the years I've seen lots of people go to extremes or legalism to "encourage" (ie. enforce) this principle from God's word. In the name of modesty people measured hem lengths, vetoed bathing suits altogether or (only slightly less ridiculous) worn culottes. They've assumed anything stylish or figure flattering was leading to a possible immodest moment, and created judgmental attitudes within their church cultures toward those who dressed in those ways. Or they've gone to the opposite extreme, saying they have freedom to dress however they want, and God doesn't judge us by our outward appearance, etc.

I think in both cases, we're missing the point. Modesty is not a rule you can legislate. It is not a concept you can ignore either. It is an attitude that is reflected in our entire appearance, not just clothing (or lack thereof, as the case may be). Modesty says, I do not wish to bring attention to myself as a sex object. I am not trying to entice men. I am seeking to glorify God in the way he created me to express beauty, creativity, femininity and grace. It is a posture of the heart that seeks to ask questions such as: Is how I am dressed distracting from God's purpose for my life or enhancing it? Is the way I carry myself promoting seduction? Am I approachable and comfortable for people to be around? Does my speech uplift others or draw their mind down "in the gutter"? Am I seeing myself as an object of desire, or a woman of worth?

Modesty should at the very least, include an understanding that beauty is a powerful gift that can be used for good or evil. Sexuality is a sacred treasure to be shared within the context of a life-long committed marriage. And while beauty is of some value, it can be used as a mask to hide behind. So, this summer, I will shed the layers and let the legs see the light of day (which means I have to shave my whole leg, not just my calf.....I should blog about laziness soon). But I will also be asking, is this "look", outfit or item of clothing sending the right message? 

Chef Hat- Recipe #1

While this is certainly not a cooking blog, and there are plenty of great ones out there, tonight I fixed a recipe my family loves every single time I make it. So, as this is a blog about all the hats we wear as women, "chef hat" is one of the more challenging the more children you possess and years you've been preparing dinner. ("Do we have to have chicken casserole again?!) So, in case some of you get stuck like I do here is a Russell Family tested and approved dinner recipe:

Italian Style Shepherd's Pie

1 lb. lean ground turkey
1 pk. italian style turkey sausage, casings removed
2 cans petite diced tomatoes in sauce
1 tsp. basil
1 bunch green onions, chopped
2 pks. roasted garlic instant potato buds
8 oz. shredded jack or italian blend cheese
1 tsp. italian seasoning
1/2 c. light sour cream

Brown both meats together, making sure to crumble as you go, and drain well, Return to pan and add tomatoes, green onions and basil. Simmer covered 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Meanwhile, prepare potatoes as directed on package. Add cheese, italian seasoning and sour cream.

In glass (9x13) casserole dish, pour meat mixture on bottom. Cover with potatoes. Bake, uncovered at 350 for 30-35 minutes or until bubbly. Remove from oven and top with french fried onions and bake 5 minutes more. Serves 8-10 and reheats well for left overs.

Flavorful, low fat, frugal. Win-win-win!

Summer Survival Strategy

So after making my way through 10 previous summer breaks since my oldest became a school aged boy, I have developed a few "Survive-and-Enjoy-the-Summer" strategies:

1. Decide what really matters to you in the break time. Accomplishing or relaxing? Travel? Doing new things? For us it's everyone in the family having the feeling of taking a break from heavy structure and planning. We are very busy during the school year, so in the summer we do NOT over-plan activities. I do not sign kids up for VBS mania because that's more structure for me, and as I still work full-time in the summer, it would not feel as though I was getting much of a break that way.

2. Assign everyone one household task to handle. This has gotten more involved as the kids are older and more capable of helping. This year, we all sat down and decided Kyler will sweep/vacuum all summer. Klynt will do breakfast/lunch dishes and Emma will bring all laundry down and empty all trash cans. Mom will cook most nights, clean bathrooms, and do laundry.

3. Relax on everything else. This summer I said no one has to make beds. Or get up before 10am (now that I have two teenagers that is a real possibility- Emma will still get up naturally at 7:30) I don't worry much about bedtimes in the summer, but when my kids were all smaller I still sent them to bed, just not as early.

4. Be festive. Be cheap. Be creative. We have declared "Tuesday Pool Days" (after I get off work at one, we'll be YMCA pool side till dinner) and we're planning which Movie Thursday's we're going to participate in for the $2 summer specials. We picked 2 local attractions to try out, and one free historic site to visit. I have also declared the Summer of Ice Cream, and we're trying a new kind of ice cream each week. If you need some creative help, just google "cheap ideas for summer"- you'll get more than you can possibly use.

5. Plan to rest. Especially when my kids were little, I aimed to have activities done by 3, and we all took an hour or so to rest in the cool house. With less pressure to have dinner on the table early, we could all rest a bit and it allowed us to enjoy those relaxed evenings with good attitudes (mine included). Now that they're a bit older, the "rest time" is more of an attitude I've adopted, than a structured event. The bottom line is resting lowers bickering- which is the one nemesis of all mom's in the summertime.

Hope you all enjoy the blessings of the summer season in your family! Have some juicy watermelon and a grilled hot dog and watch the fireflies!