Maintenance

I have not always been anxious about interstate driving. At least, I don't think I have. But 11 years ago, after moving to the Nashville area I had an incident. (I'd like to call it a hideous debacle, but that seems a little dramatic) Anyway, 11 years ago this gal was"pre-cell phone, pre-GPS" so navigating was dependent upon good directions and an internal compass that did not lead you astray. (My internal compass has always been askew. I have often said if I ever get lost in a forest, PLEASE come get me- I'll just wander in circles until a bear or at the very least, the mosquitoes, eat me alive). Anyway, I was trying to get home from Nashville back to my little suburb of the world at night, in the rain and somehow I couldn't reverse the directions properly and went the wrong way on I-40. It took me about 20 minutes to realize I was going the wrong way as I had never made this trip before. Then there were gigantic, evil semi's flying up on my tail and I couldn't slow down to see the exits very well, and when I finally found an exit with a return on-ramp I was almost out of gas. I had to pull off onto a sketchy looking exit where the gas station had bars on the windows and lots of shady characters were skulking around to get some gas and pray someone non-evil would give me real directions back to my home. (Is your heart pounding or is it just me?)

Fast forward 11 years. I have driven back and forth to Nashville 14 times in the past three weeks with my mom-in-law in the hospital. Can I do it? Yep. Is it partial misery? Yep. So today, I have begun my own personal little War on Driving Anxiety. It's called EMDR and I am delighted. It's a wonderful therapy used primarily to treat PTSD and other anxiety related issues. We offer it at Branches where I work and I have been saying for years now that I need to do it, but then it'll get a little better and I won't. I have to admit I tend to not be very good at maintenance. When something becomes a big problem I deal with it, but the little nagging things I often let go. I'm realizing though, those little nagging things often rob the joy from my life.

So here is my woman-to-woman encouragement for you: take care of yourself. Go to the doctor and get a check-up. Go to the dentist. (Haven't been in 18 years or so and I'm going this summer!) Deal with that stuff in your childhood you've never talked about but it keeps you stuck. Join the Y, or Weight Watchers or just take a walk and get moving. Write that apology letter that's been on your mind for years. Set your alarm clock for 15 minutes earlier than your kids get up so you can have one cup of coffee in peace to start your day. Buy a new bra. (You know you need one- we all do.) Read your Bible. Call your best friend. You'll be able to give and serve well as you care for and nourish your own body, heart and spirit.

The Art of Receiving

(This blog inspired by a conversation with a lovely young college friend at Steak and Shake recently)

If you have a cute little garden you'd like to nurture, you put a fence up. This is supposed to keep dogs and dandelions and random neighborhood children out, so that good stuff can grow. But let's say you aren't much of an expert in gardening. Or maybe you don't have a lot of money to buy all the plants you want to make your yard cute. Well, then you put a gate in your fence to open it and let your gardening friends come in and bring you begonias or iris bulbs. And let them tell you how to weed, water and care for your yard. Maybe they'll even pull a weed or two.

This is an excellent system, unless you open the gate to let dogs in, and close it when friends come by to help. Who would do that, you ask?

Women. We do it all the time. It's called having reverse boundaries. We let the bad into our minds and hearts and lives. Then we close the gate when the good comes knocking. You know, a friend tells you how great your hair looks and you say, "No it's awful" (close the gate) but your child says "Mom, you are looking really old" and you ponder on that statement all day (open the gate). A friend asks how they can help you during a hard time and you say "oh we're fine- we don't need anything" (close the gate) but your boss asks if you can work late, without pay, after you are already tired out from a really long week and you say "Sure, no problem" (open the gate)

Part of learning to live well, involves learning when to open and close the gate. Today my focus is on the opening part. God has so much to say in His word about how much He loves us. Often though we won't even receive God's love into our hearts because we're holding on to shame and guilt that was paid for at the cross. After we finally allow God's love in through accepting Jesus' gift, God, I believe, reaches out to us through other people He puts into our lives as well. When people see a goodness or gifting or likable part of you, and they offer some compliment or encouragement, do you know what the healthiest response is: Thank you.

That's it. Just say thank you and allow the good to come in. Open the gate. It's amazing how allowing the good in really changes us. (I give this as therapy homework all the time, by the way, so if you take the challenge it's like free therapy.)

And while I'm at it, let me just say thank you to you for reading my blog! I'm so surprised by how many people have been reading my ramblings, but I am grateful to have a way to share my journey in womanhood with you, and am always excited when you share a bit of yours with me!

Modesty

I grew up in the generation of mini skirts, Madonna's "Like a Virgin" and string bikini's. Modesty in the late 80's in central Florida was a practical challenge. For one thing, it was HOT. All the time. For another, because everyone sees each other in bathing suits so much, really short shorts don't seem too revealing. Plus, I wasn't really all that motivated to pursue modesty. Even the word sounded dowdy and matronly- not sophisticated and sexy, which was my goal. (I failed miserably as, in truth, I was just cute) Over the years I've seen lots of people go to extremes or legalism to "encourage" (ie. enforce) this principle from God's word. In the name of modesty people measured hem lengths, vetoed bathing suits altogether or (only slightly less ridiculous) worn culottes. They've assumed anything stylish or figure flattering was leading to a possible immodest moment, and created judgmental attitudes within their church cultures toward those who dressed in those ways. Or they've gone to the opposite extreme, saying they have freedom to dress however they want, and God doesn't judge us by our outward appearance, etc.

I think in both cases, we're missing the point. Modesty is not a rule you can legislate. It is not a concept you can ignore either. It is an attitude that is reflected in our entire appearance, not just clothing (or lack thereof, as the case may be). Modesty says, I do not wish to bring attention to myself as a sex object. I am not trying to entice men. I am seeking to glorify God in the way he created me to express beauty, creativity, femininity and grace. It is a posture of the heart that seeks to ask questions such as: Is how I am dressed distracting from God's purpose for my life or enhancing it? Is the way I carry myself promoting seduction? Am I approachable and comfortable for people to be around? Does my speech uplift others or draw their mind down "in the gutter"? Am I seeing myself as an object of desire, or a woman of worth?

Modesty should at the very least, include an understanding that beauty is a powerful gift that can be used for good or evil. Sexuality is a sacred treasure to be shared within the context of a life-long committed marriage. And while beauty is of some value, it can be used as a mask to hide behind. So, this summer, I will shed the layers and let the legs see the light of day (which means I have to shave my whole leg, not just my calf.....I should blog about laziness soon). But I will also be asking, is this "look", outfit or item of clothing sending the right message? 

Chef Hat- Recipe #1

While this is certainly not a cooking blog, and there are plenty of great ones out there, tonight I fixed a recipe my family loves every single time I make it. So, as this is a blog about all the hats we wear as women, "chef hat" is one of the more challenging the more children you possess and years you've been preparing dinner. ("Do we have to have chicken casserole again?!) So, in case some of you get stuck like I do here is a Russell Family tested and approved dinner recipe:

Italian Style Shepherd's Pie

1 lb. lean ground turkey
1 pk. italian style turkey sausage, casings removed
2 cans petite diced tomatoes in sauce
1 tsp. basil
1 bunch green onions, chopped
2 pks. roasted garlic instant potato buds
8 oz. shredded jack or italian blend cheese
1 tsp. italian seasoning
1/2 c. light sour cream

Brown both meats together, making sure to crumble as you go, and drain well, Return to pan and add tomatoes, green onions and basil. Simmer covered 20 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Meanwhile, prepare potatoes as directed on package. Add cheese, italian seasoning and sour cream.

In glass (9x13) casserole dish, pour meat mixture on bottom. Cover with potatoes. Bake, uncovered at 350 for 30-35 minutes or until bubbly. Remove from oven and top with french fried onions and bake 5 minutes more. Serves 8-10 and reheats well for left overs.

Flavorful, low fat, frugal. Win-win-win!

Summer Survival Strategy

So after making my way through 10 previous summer breaks since my oldest became a school aged boy, I have developed a few "Survive-and-Enjoy-the-Summer" strategies:

1. Decide what really matters to you in the break time. Accomplishing or relaxing? Travel? Doing new things? For us it's everyone in the family having the feeling of taking a break from heavy structure and planning. We are very busy during the school year, so in the summer we do NOT over-plan activities. I do not sign kids up for VBS mania because that's more structure for me, and as I still work full-time in the summer, it would not feel as though I was getting much of a break that way.

2. Assign everyone one household task to handle. This has gotten more involved as the kids are older and more capable of helping. This year, we all sat down and decided Kyler will sweep/vacuum all summer. Klynt will do breakfast/lunch dishes and Emma will bring all laundry down and empty all trash cans. Mom will cook most nights, clean bathrooms, and do laundry.

3. Relax on everything else. This summer I said no one has to make beds. Or get up before 10am (now that I have two teenagers that is a real possibility- Emma will still get up naturally at 7:30) I don't worry much about bedtimes in the summer, but when my kids were all smaller I still sent them to bed, just not as early.

4. Be festive. Be cheap. Be creative. We have declared "Tuesday Pool Days" (after I get off work at one, we'll be YMCA pool side till dinner) and we're planning which Movie Thursday's we're going to participate in for the $2 summer specials. We picked 2 local attractions to try out, and one free historic site to visit. I have also declared the Summer of Ice Cream, and we're trying a new kind of ice cream each week. If you need some creative help, just google "cheap ideas for summer"- you'll get more than you can possibly use.

5. Plan to rest. Especially when my kids were little, I aimed to have activities done by 3, and we all took an hour or so to rest in the cool house. With less pressure to have dinner on the table early, we could all rest a bit and it allowed us to enjoy those relaxed evenings with good attitudes (mine included). Now that they're a bit older, the "rest time" is more of an attitude I've adopted, than a structured event. The bottom line is resting lowers bickering- which is the one nemesis of all mom's in the summertime.

Hope you all enjoy the blessings of the summer season in your family! Have some juicy watermelon and a grilled hot dog and watch the fireflies!

Anniversary Reflections

As we ate our dinner and enjoyed the perfect temperature on the patio at Parthenon, we talked about how good it is to have been married 11 years. We've now been married long enough to have been in love, annoyed, blessed, hurt, close, distant and everything in between. We've walked on mountain tops together, like our honeymoon and the birth of Emma and our recent trip to India together. We've walked through valleys and storms like disagreements about parenting issues and really painful ministry moments. Each of us has changed and grown through the years. Career changes, hobby and interest shifts, we don't quite look the same as we did (although I swear Scott keeps getting better looking!) In all the highs and lows there is a constant for us that is very much an anchor of security. Our marriage is cemented in a covenant before God. We said "I do", and while we really are still learning who and what we said "I do" to, the conviction that WE are in this together forever offers such peace. Some days are pure wedded bliss. But most are a mix of good and bad. For we are both broken people who love imperfectly, who struggle against selfishness and apathy and pride. On our best day, we do not love one another the way Christ loves us. But as we keep moving forward together, the Lord keeps teaching us how to love.

I read an article recently that said studies show that couples who divorced, would have been happy in five years if they had just stayed together. They got this statistic by interviewing hundreds of couples who considered divorce, but stayed committed and in five years were so thankful they stayed together because their marriage had not only survived, but grown. For us, divorce is simply not on the table. We do not have a plan B. Having been through a divorce in my other life, this was especially important to me prior to getting married to Scott. So we look at difficult times this way: Since we are going to be together forever, we must find a way to work through _____.

The benefit of 11 years together is perspective. I am able to see highs and lows differently as we walk through them. Another positive is being so deeply known by another person, yet loved as I am. There is no one who sees my ugly side as much as my husband. Being loved and treasured while being seen that transparently is a gift. It is meant to mirror God's love for me, and it does.

before heading out on our date

Did you know my name means "Busy Bee"?

Today has been good. Got up around 6:30, got Little Miss Fluff and Sparkle ready for her end of the year party which was a 50's theme, that I didn't know was today because I didn't read my email last night and discover the day had been changed. However, Em had already devised a costume, so it was fairly simple. Took kids to school, came home and got ready for work (and the hair was way better today than yesterday, when it actually half fell out of the up-do I had it in during the middle of a counseling session). Then went to work for 5 hours. Twas a good Branches day (some are harder than others of course) and left to come home and eat some lunch before heading back out the door to pick up kids. Got to kiss my cute husband on his way to the hospital to visit his mama, then went to sit in the pick-up line. Retrieved beloved off-spring from educational institutions and came home to fix snacks. No homework as we are almost out of school, which is a little hallelujah for the mom of an ADHD child! Then got Emma ready for dance, took her, then ran to Target to get 6 things I needed- found them ALL in one place for reasonable prices, including XL twin sheets for Kyler to take to the dorm for a month for Gov. School. (Did a happy dance in the aisle, as I've been looking for XL twin sheets for 3 weeks.) Went back to dance to pick up Em and came home to eat dinner. Chicken salad sandwiches, fruit and chips. Discussed upcoming football season practices with my Klynt, handed Kyler his new sheets, changed into something nice and walked out the door to attend Kyler's award night at his high school, did the parental pride thing and returned home at 8:15. Human yo-yo-ing done for the day, so I changed into my jammies and chatted with children about various concerns and stories, started Emma's bath, petted the cat and ooh'd over pictures of our sweet pastor's wife holding her baby for the first time (he's been in the NICU since his birth 3 days ago). Now I'm about to plop into bed to go to sleep because tomorrow I work 12 hours.

This is a "normal" day in my world. In fact, most of my Tuesday's are very much like this one. I'm blogging it for one reason: to remind myself that I am stewarding a very full life. God has given me many responsibilities, and I'm grateful for the blessings attached to them. Sometimes I forget how busy I am because A: so is everyone else and B: it's my normal that I've slowly grown into. I watch all of us women, running around caring for our husbands and children, working in and out of the home, maintaining friendships and homes and work outs. I know in my life I err on the side of being too busy, taking on too many little service projects or lunch dates, doing "just one more thing" before resting. I haven't quite "arrived" in terms of getting the balance part down. So I keep trying to make little and big adjustments. I stop and pray before I say yes. I look at my calendar to make sure it doesn't seem overloaded. I pray some more. I depend on God's grace to give me what I need to do the truly important things each day and I depend on God's grace to know what is truly important. But you know, in the big picture, I feel total peace about it. I have gotten to the place where I know it's just a season of my life and it will pass so I better live it with gusto and get messy and work hard and earn my Master's in Momminism and Wifery.