What City Kids Does For Me

Emma and friend in class with their "scrolls"

I show up every 3 weeks, about 2 hours early for church to help get our little class area set up. I miss being in adult service completely on the week I do this so I can teach children. (One of which is my own little ragamuffin) It takes energy and patience and effort to do this and it is 100% worth it to me!  There are lots of reasons I have loved about my return to children's ministry after years of serving in different areas. I love hugging on the kiddos and knowing I am another safe and caring adult in their life. I love watching them play and form their own little community. It's hilarious to watch my own girl in her element. But mostly, I love seeing them learn God's word.

sweet friends!

 The week highlighted in these pictures we were studying the book of Revelation. Many adults shy away from Revelation, so I was excited to dive in and see the kids learn from it. We were learning about Jesus as both lion and lamb, and how He is the only one worthy to receive glory and power in our lives. The kids loved it! But for me the sweetest part comes from hearing their simple answers to the questions we ask: why should Jesus be the one who is able to read the scroll and sit on the throne? One answered, "Well He's the only one who died for me." (true and yet how many other idols do I

answers from children about Who is Jesus

place on the throne of my heart who have never proven any love to me?) How is Jesus like a lion? "Lion's are king of the jungle and Jesus is supposed to be King of our life." Don't you just love it?? Simple, child-like faith.  If you've never served in your church, I highly recommend children's ministry as a starting place. And as a side note, I just want to say thank you to our Children's Director, Amber Alfonso. She is a precious mommy of two girls who holds a regular rotation as teacher but misses adult service often to fill in when someone calls out sick; she shops for all our craft and snack supplies; sets up every week; schedules volunteers and TONS of other thankless tasks. But mostly she truly loves our kids and as a mom I would rather have that than any other trait or ability. When we were first visiting our church 10 months ago, she sought out my Emma, made her feel welcome and remembered her every week. She was the way God settled Emma's heart during our transition and I will always be grateful for that. If you have some time this week, pray for your church's children's minister/leader. And give them a hug. And sign up to help in some way!

Pinterest, No Interest

I wish I was crafty. For quite some time I have made attempts at various little projects, but not until Pinterest did I fully embrace (with a sigh) my lack of crafting ability/mindset/creativity. I have given it a lot of thought and finally come to the conclusion that I can still consider myself a fully acceptable woman in spite of the lack of craftiness. But the whole issue has clearly highlighted some insecurity for me. It seems that most women I know can either sew, craft, build or decorate cakes. But somehow in the passing out of talents, God did not see fit to give me much of any of those. Not that I think I've been short-changed mind you. I fully believe God blessed me with abilities and skills that I enjoy using and see as a gift to my family, church and friends. Still, when we're all swapping updates on Twitter and Facebook about the latest cute or clever thing a friend has accomplished I get a little twinge. You know that twinge- the one that says "You are pretty good, but not quite enough."

I'd wager I'm not alone in this, although we probably all feel it about different issues. For some it may be not cooking, or not knowing how to style their hair or update their wardrobe. Others may not be naturally good with babies, or not enjoying shopping or some other typically female activity. Maybe you were never good at flirting and always felt awkward around men. Maybe you have terrible handwriting or big feet or some other quality that makes you feel less feminine. Whatever it is, when we get around other women who seem to possess that quality in abundance, we begin to compare and find ourselves lacking.

I have found a solution for my craft-challenged insecurities: Stop comparing. Stop focusing on the talents I don't have. Instead, mainly inspired by my Jesus Calling devotional, I have begun to practice thanking God both for what I do well and what I don't. For the talents that highlight my femininity and the way lacking something draws me to Him. Here's how that looks: "Thank you God for giving me the ability to cook and organize my home and create family traditions. Thank you for reminding me that my value to my family and to my friends lies not in what I do for them specifically but in how the things I do convey love. Help me to show love the way you wired me and not compare myself to other women. Thank you for giving my friends the ability to express creativity in their homes and in their  as a blessing to their families. Thank you for making us all different so that when we all come together, it shows us more of who you are in the gifts you dispersed among us."

Finding Your Voice

I've been reading several really good blogs lately. There are so many gifted writers out there in internet land and it's a little overwhelming the volumes of perspective you can get lost in. I have found a curious thing happens to me after reading other writers- I tend to start mimicking their "voice" when I sit down to write later. I've always been that way though. My husband says he can tell which friend I've been with because of the inflection and tone in my voice. When I was little I used to love to watch Gone With the Wind. After watching it for several hours I would end up speaking like a southern belle for days. I just tend to pick up on the way other people phrase or pronounce their words and absorb it into my own little linguistic melting pot.

Part of growing up is figuring out who you are and what you have to say and how you need to say it. I'm still on that journey to some degree I suppose. But I am learning more and more who I am. Which has led to knowing what I have to say. The part I am still wrestling out is how I need to say it. I think we all are influenced in finding our voice by who we listen to. (which is a good reason to seriously consider the company you keep, or you may find yourself reciting a mantra you don't even agree with, or worse yet- one you agree with, but know God doesn't) For better or worse our families shape our voice, both literally and metaphorically. But along the way, we still have to decide who God has created us to be in this world. As a christian, I believe my primary message is the Gospel of Jesus. That all other messages should ultimately point to that one. But within that context, there are many, many issues and causes that point us to Christ and lots of ways to express them.

I find as I read other blogs I am drawn to the deep, insightful and somewhat poetic writings. I appreciate that kind of thinking very much. Yet that is not really my natural voice. I am not sure exactly what my voice is, as there are days when I feel like I am almost preaching, times when I want to teach and other days where I want to be funny and light-hearted. If I had to label it I would say my voice is conversational- I write the way I would talk if you were sitting down at my kitchen table and we were chatting. That's really my favorite way to share my heart. Too bad we can't share coffee in blog land.

Rest(less)

I don't feel out of sorts. Well, except for the headache I just took 800mg of Ibuprofen for. On an emotional level, I feel fine. But if you were to observe my behavior since dropping my husband at the airport 3 days ago, it is clear to see, I am in fact out of sorts. Today for example, I slept in till past 9. Which I never do. Then I got up and decided since the house was already clean, Emma and I should go eat some lunch. So we went to Panera, and she was delighted with her brocolli cheese soup in a bread bowl. I was less enthused about my 1/2 sandwich/salad combo. I should have gotten the macaroni and cheese. Anyway, then her sweet bff-cousin called and wanted her to come spend the night. So, I took her over. But then I couldn't decide what to do with myself. I had thoughts of tackling a small household project, but didn't feel like it. Then I thought I could go browse around Goodwill. It's half off Saturday and sometimes they have good deals. So I did, and I carried a pair of really nice Ann Taylor work pants and a cute pair of cargo capri's around, then I just put them on a rack and left. I came home and ate something, but wasn't hungry. I finally plopped down and watched TV for a few hours. It's too early to go to bed but too late to do anything productive. You know what I am? Restless.

I have decided that when I married my husband and God said the two would become one, there was something deeper than physical going on in that statement. I am not quite myself when we are separated by an ocean. I'm ok. I actually can get a lot done if I need to. But as soon as there is a lull, I feel the restlessness kick in. I'm not really able to relax and enjoy the space. I wish I could. When your husband works from home and you have three kids, there is often a noticeable lack of space. But if he was just out for the evening, I'd be kicked back enjoying it. It's when he travels out of the country that I am not settled. So, it reminds me once again that God is always calling me to find my security in Him. It's a constant theme in my life these days. I have all these swirling thoughts that can't seem to settle down in my head, and then God reminds me to "Be still and know" that He is God. I used to focus on the still part a lot in that verse. I find it unbelievably difficult to be still, and since my name means "busy bee" I say it's my parents fault. Just because they didn't consider the ramifications of saddling me with a name that implies constant motion doesn't mean I should feel guilty about it! However, the "know" part of the verse just hit me. If I'm just trying to be still it produces anxiety. But when I focus on what I KNOW, well now, that's where my heart begins to shift. I know that God is good. That God loves me. That God has a plan. And all that is true. But I think even bigger is just knowing that He is God. All powerful, all knowing, ever faithful, always constant, sovereign, death conquering, sin defeating, life saving GOD! That kind of knowing does something to settle my spirit that nothing else can. When I focus on who He is, it reminds me who I am not. My old youth pastor used to say, "There are only two rules: There is a God. You are not Him." It's a relief to remember that God is God. I can rest and settle down, even with my other half, halfway around the world. 

If a Woman Decides to Throw a Dinner Party....

I'm up really early for me today, and the house would be entirely quiet, but I'm listening to the cat make a noise that can be best described as a yodel, and a TV was apparently left on yesterday because I'm hearing the sounds of some sporting event coming from my upstairs. My lava lamp brain (see earlier blog) is on free float right now, so I have a ton of seemingly unrelated thoughts bumping around in my mind, but here's a little sampling:

what food am I going to fix for my dinner party coming up?
and will I try to plant some flowers in my back deck planters before then,
and is this the first year I haven't planted ANYthing for summer,
and the flowers a client brought me yesterday were beautiful,
and I need to buy more jolly ranchers for my candy dish at work,
and why am I always left with the grape ones in the bowl,
and I've been eating so much better this week except for the 4 double stuffed oreos 2 nights ago,
and it's just too hot to exercise lately,
and I cannot believe the wild fire situation on CO this week- my heart just hurts for those folks,
and I'm ready to have my oldest back home from Memphis,
and perhaps I should wash his sheets tomorrow,
and while I'm at it maybe I should just wash all the sheets bc I can't remember when it was done last,
and I really don't want to spend my day off doing housework all day Friday,
and I told a friend I was going to a zumba class this Friday- oh no! am I going to do that?
and I hope to take Emma to the drive in sometime this summer,
and the movie Brave was very cute- perhaps it will inspire a blog soon,
and how do people have so many deep and inspiring blog posts daily??
and Scott leaves for India so soon- I should make my run to the dollar store for baggies and snacks,
and wow, India was such an incredible experience- I wish I could go with him on every trip,
and our pastor really gave us some challenges about sharing Christ this next year- I need to be praying,
and I'm so glad to be part of a church whose three part focus is Gospel-Community-Mission,
and I'm excited about getting to know women better from our church,
which brings me back to what am I going to serve at my dinner party?

The mom version of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"

I am....

I am a princess. Not a diva.

I am a lover. Not a seductress.

I am a mother. Not a maid.

I am a servant. Not a doormat.

I am a warrior. Not an assassin.

I am a counselor. Not a fixer.

"By the grace of God, I am what I am and his grace to me was not without effect." 1 Cor. 15:10

thoughts about thoughts

On Disney channel last night, I heard a kid singing a song about "people who blog about people who blog about other people's blogs." I'm slow on the uptake so I had to talk that one out a minute: "ok, the people write a blog, about other people who write about other people's blogs... wait, wait, wait. The first people are writing about another group...." I got it eventually. Kind of funny, once my head quit hurting. Life Vicarious x3.

There is a lot to see and learn in blog world. There are conventions and on-line classes you can take. That's for the people making money from their blogs, presumably. Then there are tons of educational, inspirational, crafty, yummy and otherwise interesting blogs. Then we have Millinery. I don't really know why I decided to start blogging. One day I just began writing down all these inner conversations I've been having for years with myself. I'm not normally a creature given to bursts of randomness. I am more of a happy little hamster on a wheel. So, I am operating out of my element in this venture. Here is what my 3+ months of blogging has taught me thus far:

Jesus is a part of every aspect of my life, but not always my central focus
my kids dominate large parts of my thinking and doing
everyday mundane moments are not
I often feel torn between working and homemaking
I really enjoy opening up my life to others
there is a deep passion inside me to inspire women to be everything God created them to be
I'm kind of funny
writer's block is frustrating
you can pronounce Millinery better with a british accent
God's word has something to say about everything we face

So, that's my update. I am truly enjoying this little way of sharing life my life with you. Thanks for reading!