Chef Hat

Tonight's discussion at the dinner table ranged from: 1. why boys get mad at girl's during kickball and yell at them for ducking instead of catching the ball (Emma had a tough day in gym class), to 2. what the Holocaust was, why people listened to Hitler in the first place and why they were called Concentration Camps, then on to 3. Dad's favorite Teddy Roosevelt speech, which he looked up on-line and read aloud, and finally 4. since mom cooked a nice dinner or chicken parmesean and ceaser salad, the other family members would be cleaning the dishes (much to the annoyance of the middle child).

"Family Dinner Time" is a hill I intend to camp out and die on if necessary, to keep it priority for our family. Sound dramatic? I agree, but when you are coming against a million reasons and obstacles why we cannot all find 45 minutes to sit and eat together it requires some emphatic response on my part. When my kids were all little's it was easier: I planned dinner, they all showed up and we sat down to eat. Currently, I work two nights a week, the oldest is gone one night for youth, we have a community group 2 thursday nights a month and weekends are a free-for-all of people coming and going. All this has led me at times to feel like throwing in the towel and abandoning the goal, but then we sit down to eat and something semi-magical happens. (Do not start with me about the word magical. It's a loose term) Anyway, someone will say "pass the salt", and then someone else will say "why do you always put tomatoes in perfectly good casserolle's- it ruins them" and then the other children will agree and begin to affirm the truth of tomatoes ruining dinner, and then I will launch into some information on nutrition which is usually interrupted by the bodily function of a teenager, which causes the husband and children to all laugh, then after getting "the look" from me the husband will instruct the teenager on manners at the dinner table, which will then lead into other conversations and before they have time to realize it, the children are all conversing with each other and us. There are just too many moments we'd miss if I didn't fight to preserve family dinner time.

So, fight I do and I don't fight fair. I'm competing with TV, internet, cell phones, and other distractions that require I stack the odds in my favor. I cook my family's favorite meals; I put flowers and placemats and cute holiday decorations on the table; I light candles; I make desserts (sometimes). Also, equally important, I insist on it 3 nights a week.

There are some traditions we can let slip quietly into the night, because they really didn't serve a meaningful purpose. But family dinner time is not one of them. I'd love to hear your ideas on how to make family dinner time fun and positive- especially if you have teenagers! I need all the ammo I can get.

Patience

So sometimes when you run in to your favorite place to get a baked potato "to go" for lunch and you have clients in 45 minutes, they forget to tell you they just ran out of potato's, so you wait around for awhile until you realize there is defiantly a problem, but by then they assure you your potato "will be right out", and have a free brownie for waiting, and so then ten minutes later when you actually get your potato, you also get a card to come back for a free meal, since, in our world, 21 minutes to wait on a potato is just unacceptable. Meanwhile, the 21 minute wait was an excellent opportunity to observe the following:

1. People are somewhat awkward as they stand around waiting for their "to go" orders.
2. People expect you to be mad about their mistakes.
3. We get mad about people's mistakes.
4. There's never any Splenda in the table sugar caddies when I want it. I had to forage around on 5 different tables to locate some.
5. Consolation brownies are basically better than regular brownies because of the free factor and since you haven't eaten anything yet, you're really hungry, which makes everything taste better.
6. Baked potatoes take a really long time to cook, even in professional grade ovens.
7. If you are kind and gracious to people who have made a mistake it is a chance for them to see the love of God in you, since He is kind and gracious all the time with me and my mistakes.
8. Repeatedly looking at your watch while waiting to make sure they know you are aware of how long this is taking is not necessarily being kind or gracious.
9. If you tell people to have a good afternoon, after you finally receive your baked potato, this is gracious and surprising to the person on the recieving end.
10. It only takes 4 minutes to eat a baked potato if you have clients in 5 minutes.

Rest

Sunday mornings are now a quiet and restful time because we are part of a church that meets on Sunday evenings at 5pm. I wasn't sure how I would like that when we started, but at this point, I'd be really pushing myself to get back to Sunday morning church, although if my church ever goes to Sunday mornings, I'll whine in my head and get on board. So in keeping with the relaxation theme, I'm quoting a beautiful verse that I have come to love more and more as I walk with Jesus:

Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. (Mt. 11:28-29)


Resting in Jesus does not mean we are always lounging around in pajama's and swinging in hammocks with a glass of sweet tea (although, this sounds quite nice and perhaps I will spend a good bit of time in heaven doing that very thing). It does mean we get to quit striving. No more trying to earn love or acceptance, no more trying to impress others, no more trying to prove you have worth by racking up a great career, or perfect yard or perfect kids. And once we quit all that striving, well, a lot of times the meaningless busyness goes away with it. As a mom, a lot of my frantic activity of earlier years had to do with getting people to like me or be impressed with me. Perfect birthday parties for my boys, that I nearly killed myself "throwing together". Housework at all hours of the night so my home always looked picture perfect. Reading lots of parenting magazines so I would already know what the right or wrong car seat, toy, nutrition was- before anyone had to tell me. Attending every single church related event, so people would know I was involved and cared about them. (Exhausting)

When I began to understand resting in Jesus, lots of this nonsense evaporated. I'd love to say all of it, but that's not true. I still sometimes overcommit to make sure people will like me. At least now I see it and take all that to Jesus so I can lay it back down. It's a process, learning to rest in total love and acceptance. I do find that mostly my activity is purposeful now. That I am able to say no to things that do not serve my family or me well, and yes to things that are living out my mission to make Jesus famous. And blissfully, I actually have the ability to sit on a beautiful Sunday and enjoy this life that Jesus died to give me. (Refreshing)

Off to refill my coffee and hug on my early morning riser and prepare a yummy Sunday lunch. Hope you all find some rest today as well.

Neighbors

It's a weird world we live in. I live in a cul-de-sac where there are only 4 houses. You would think I would know my neighbors really well as a result, but sadly we barely speak to one another. There are tons of logistical reasons for this- one guy parks in his garage and I only catch glimpses of briefly as he does his yard work early on Saturday's. One family seems to be coming and going a lot but head's are down and they always seem to be in a hurry. I have actually met our newest neighbor's when they moved in, did the Southern "bake some banana nut bread and take it over" thing- which they seemed to appreciate, but we haven't really interacted since. We are absolutely guilty of the hurried coming-and-going as well. And no one on the street has kids my kids ages/genders. These are all "normal" reasons we haven't really connected, but I keep thinking about the verse in the Bible that says, "Love your neighbor as yourself." I realize this is a much bigger mandate than loving the people who share Grand Court with me- but shouldn't it include them?

I was walking outside this morning to roll my trash can up looking, well, sketchy is the word that comes to mind. Tank top, capri pj pants, no make up, hair not fixed- not exactly my favorite look for myself, but this is how I roll in the mornings. I was truthfully planning to speak to no one. But my next door neighbor was outside washing his car. His back was to me so I really could have just walked back in without being considered rude, but I decided to just holler over a "good morning". (Side note- love the word holler. Did not grow up with holler, but after living in TN 10 years I think I've earned the right to use it.) So, my neighbor waved back and then he proceeded to tell me he's home from work because he is recovering from neck surgery he had last week. We ended up standing in our front yards talking for about 15 minutes. My thoughts while we conversed ranged from concern about his recovery, guilt that I hadn't even known and would have loved to have prayed for him or taken them a meal or something, self consciousness about my appearance, including but not limited to, worry that I was not really covered appropriately by the tank top. Conversation ended with me telling him to take it easy and let us know if they needed anything, and we both went inside.

I am confessing I need to do a better job of loving my Grand Court neighbors. I admit I get deterred by non-receptiveness on their parts. But, since I claim to (and do) follow Jesus, perhaps that is not really a valid excuse as the Bible says we "were his enemies" when he died for us. So I'm just going to start by reaching out with some chicken salad sandwiches as a little "glad-you-are-mostly-recovered-but-I-still-want-to-let-you-know-the-Russell-family-cares-about-you" offering. I'll keep you posted on where it all leads.....

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall

Today as I dropped Klynt off at school he was singing "Man in the Mirror" by Michael Jackson. I like that song. It's kind of a combo of ideas presented in God's word. Both "get the plank out of your eye, before trying to remove the speck in someone else's" and "if you look in the mirror and walk away and forgot what you saw, that's like hearing God's word and doing nothing about it" and throw in some sha-na-na's and you've got it. Anyway, I've been humming it all day, and it got me thinking about what women see in the mirror.

Yesterday I was thinking about how tough it is to be a teenage boy. You know what I think is tougher? Being a middle-aged woman. I counsel a lot of them. I am one myself. In our culture, it's the spot where women begin the descent down the "beauty curve". Our world doesn't value wrinkles, or age spots or gray hair or jiggly arms. Our world values lean, tight, smooth. So as middle age begins the climb toward old age, and the devalued traits appear, we can no longer hide behind physical beauty for a sense of self worth. I mean, you can take up running and get firmer, but it won't take away wrinkles. (By the way, unless a bear is chasing me, I don't understand running. Why? What is the crazy love of running? It's like I missed a class in middle school where they handed out a running pill that everyone swallowed that promised to digest in 20 years.) You can dye the gray's but they'll be back in 6 weeks.

We don't just see our aging bodies in the mirror though. We see every real and imagined failure. We notice ridiculous details and get all our flaws and quirks out of proportion. We imagine no one has the same feelings of insecurity or unworthiness as us, so we make valiant efforts to cover and hide. We take up tweeting every clever thought to impress. We make sure to "check in" on facebook from any place we think will up our cool factor. We use humor to deflect- sometimes we tear ourselves down in jokes to beat everyone else to the punch. I'm painting a bleak picture, and I know we don't do all these things every day, but we do them sometimes. I do them sometimes, (except tweet, because I really don't get it at all).

Mirror, mirror on the wall- who is the fairest one of all?

So, are you the wicked queen trying to gain your worth by eliminating all the competition? Are you Snow White hanging out waiting on a prince to come and save you? Maybe a little of both.....

 The King already came to rescue you, by the way. Not because you were Snow White, beautiful and fair, but because the part of you that is more like the Wicked Queen than you or I would like to admit, needed rescuing. And He loves you. So much more than anyone in this world can or will. He sees you more clearly than you see yourself. The wrinkles, the jiggly arms, the bad attitude, the jealousy, the fear- all of it. He also sees the beauty, the talent, the effort you make, the desire to serve, the noses you wipe and the tears you dry- all of it. And yes, He loves you.

Under the Radar

He likes to go unnoticed which is nearly impossible because he's totally cute and has a gigantic mop of hair on his head that commands attention. He is completely convicted about the truth of Jesus Christ, but doesn't like all that "worship and church stuff". He worries about how he looks, but thinks he looks pretty good after all his P90X workouts. His Ipod playlist has both rock, rap, and the song off the soundtrack of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Bless Your Beautiful Hide. He is a 14 year old boy and they are full of contradictions.

I sometimes wonder what it feels like to be in his head. I've only been a 14 year old girl, so I'm curious and ignorant. I imagine it's really hard to be in the 8th grade in our world as a christian teenage boy. I pray for my son all the time. I ask God to protect him. I ask God to convict him of sin (especially the ones I'll never know about) I pray he will have courage to be true to who God created him to be. I pray mainly that his love for Christ will grow to the point that it pushes fear and hate and selfishness out.

I was looking through photos from the past year and realized I have very few of my Klynters. It makes me sad because he will soon pass through these years and be gone from my home. Pictures are my way of holding on to moments that have slipped past. But he hates having his picture made, so I try to respect that and only take a few. I ask God to etch the memories into my heart so I won't forget. I don't talk about him much because he is a private guy and I try to respect that as well. But, there is not a day that goes by that I don't tell him I love him, only to hear "love you too" in return. I hope he never decides he doesn't like saying it. He lets me hug him, but not as much as last year. Instead we use humor to convey our feelings, and that's okay for me. I realize to parent a teenage boy you have to be willing to change the way you connect so that you still can connect.

The other skill I have learned and am still perfecting is my "not reacting" face and voice. It takes a lot of practice but I'm pretty sure now if Klynt or Kyler came to me and said "I'm dropping out of high school to join the circus" I would look at them and calmly say, "what makes you say that?" The less you react, the more they will talk, and Klynters especially.

So there you have it. I'm the mother of three amazing children, but the one you don't hear much about is just living his dream of "living off the grid where the government can't find me." Crazy teenager.

Bunny Update

Ok, so we started with this dent in the giant bunny:

Then we moved on to here:

Then we decided the bunny smelled like mold, so hasta la vista rabbit de chocolate!