Merry Christmas!

I am sitting listening to some acoustic guitar Christmas music taking a short break before hopping back up to continue with festive preparations for my Christmas Eve feast at my home. I am delighted with my Christmas season thus far. For some reason this year I have been extra festive. (which, for those who know me, is quite a statement as I am Christmas-crazy already) We started getting out decorations very early this year. We began with watching Elf in mid-November. I don't know if it's because last year I was mainly jet-lagged all December from my India trip or if it's because I'm realizing my oldest will not be home with me much longer and I want to extract every bit of family memory I can while he is still living at home. Maybe both. I also think this year I have been more reflective and introspective as a result of this little Millinery blogging adventure.

Either way, I have truly felt the blessing of Emmanuel this year- God with us. Knowing that is not who He was, but is, has been creating an abundance of joy that is oozing into cookies and snuggling on the couch and giving away money to my church's Mission Offering and sharing food with the needy at Greenhouse Ministries. He left glory, where everything is perfect and right, to join us in a dark and broken world. As one of us. Able to be hurt and harmed and broken. All for love.

Makes me feel like singing! And so I have been, singing Joy to the World and Angels We have Heard on High and O Holy Night. I hope in your heart and home there is joy welling up that leads to worship as well. Merry Christmas from my family to you!

Russell Family 2012

The darkness is fading

Winter solstice passed yesterday, so the darkest night of the year will be giving way to ever so slowly longer days. I love Winter Solstice because my husband proposed to me on that very day years ago, so it's a nostalgic reminder of God's gift in sending me him.

But I've been thinking about how dark our world has been of late, and I wanted to take a minute to remind you, Jesus acknowledged this very fact. He knew what a dark world He left glory to enter. And He chose to come to bring His light to lead us back to our Creator. But He didn't leave us in the darkness alone- He left His light in us, who are His children. He told us in fact, to "let our light shine before men" so that they too could find their way back to their Creator. It's tempting when we face the blackness to huddle together and keep our light to ourselves.

But if we claim to follow Jesus, we must go where He went. He left the brightest best place, to come into our brokenness. He leaves us no option for retreat. This is a battle and if you call yourself a christian, you've enlisted in the ranks. We must bring our light out front and center- not to battle against people but for them. We are against hatred, hopelessness, poverty, injustice, ignorance, selfishness, greed, idolatry and apathy. We are for broken, messy, sinful, sad, confused people- people who were and very much are like us. We've simply been bought out of the prison we put ourselves in and it's our job to bring the news to others. The same news the angels burst into the darkness to bring so many Christmas's ago:

"Do not be afraid! We bring you good news of great joy! Unto us this day a Savior has been born- He is Christ the Lord!"

Let's Get Real

One of the words people from my generation love to embrace is authentic. As in "I'm not fake. I tell it like it is. I don't wear a mask. I'm real." We sing it from the rooftops. No faking it. If I feel that way, I'm saying it. In fact, "I'm just sayin'" is a tag line we created as a bookend to end many a verbal commentary on someones outfit, opinion or life. I believe this desire to live authentically originated as a reaction to the "Beaver Cleaver" version of life many of us grew up feeling we should project to the world, when behind closed doors our family was anything but. But like all reactions, this motto of "Be Real" often times goes to an extreme that becomes as destructive as it's counterpart.

The solution is found in scripture and is very clear. We are instructed to "speak the truth in love" in Ephesians 5:15.  (Knowing truth is of utmost importance, because before I can express reality I need to know I'm grounded in it myself.  Jesus says, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life" so a relationship with Him is the first place to go to begin to understand what reality is.) That is the boundary given to create a safe way to both be real and accept others' realness. If I speak the truth in arrogance, hate, self-righteousness, carelessness or apathy I am not within the realm of God's will. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul goes as far as to say that without love, my words have as much meaning as an annoying clanging gong. Kind of like when you go to a restaurant that makes all the employee's come out to sing for a customer's birthday, but to quiet the joint they bang a gong really loudly. We have a Chinese restaurant we go to that does this. I try to avoid going if at all possible. 

God always gets to the heart of the matter doesn't He? He created us to be real, and have a real relationship with Him. No hiding, no faking- just broken me coming to Him accepting His love and being transformed by it. From that place of transformational, extravagant love we receive, we can then offer a new reality to others. I can choose to be concerned about their well-being, since my deepest needs have already been met. I can choose to be patient and kind in my words and actions, since God has been so patient and kind toward me. I can express truth, even if it's painful to others, with the lens of love in place. Without that, I may be simply be a lot of white noise at best. At worst, I may be part of the brokenness another human has to live through. The truth may create a wound, but the love comes to heal it. Jesus' death on the cross tells me I am more sinful than I ever knew. (ouch) But it also tells me I am more loved than I ever dared hope. The truth, in love.

Just for Fun

I just love Christmas! I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating: this is my favorite time of year! (as I type Bing is crooning God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, and Emma is singing along) So just to share all my joy, here are some of my most meaningful decorations in my home:

The Nativity from my childhood and a painting from my childhood best friend both sit by the front door

My Grandmother's nativity always sits on my mantle

My Santa collection lives in a shelf built by my Grandfather who I never met, but will one day!

Our tree this year- we have always done a live tree - I'm usually sweeping up needles in July!

My Christmas China- collected for me completely by my mom- who gave me my love of Christmas!

Shopping Fail

In the interest of being honest, here is my latest fail in my shopping fast:

Yes, they are super cute salt and pepper shakers. Yes, I did forget that I was on a shopping fast when I picked them up and saw they were clearanced to $1.50. And yes, I remembered the rules before I actually paid for them, but rationalized they were only $1.50 and I didn't want the clerk to think I was a weirdo and I wanted them.

Not shopping for myself is harder than I imagined in some ways. I'm discovering that part of what is hard is wrapped up in the way something new and shiny distracts me from stress. December is always a tight month financially for us- between Christmas with three kids, and taking unpaid time off work for me and Scott's part time job not using him- I can get a little stressed out about bills. And I have discovered when I feel that way, I tend to go shop for some little treat. How counter-productive is that??! But, in denying myself I am forced to face my quest for financial security, and it leaves me the space to turn to God. In confession of my fears. In repentance for trusting anything more than Him for provision. And in thanks for His grace and mercy and faithfulness to lead me closer to Him.

Forget Norman Rockwell

I was totally enjoying my cozy little "gaze at the Christmas tree while sipping a cup of coffee in the peaceful early morning" moment today when my cat began scratching and whining (loudly) at the mudroom door. I tried to tune him out but that cat makes a racket when he feels the indignity of not being fed at 5:30 am. Promptly. So I had to get up and go feed him, then I noticed the hairball he had kindly left on the rug, so I had to get that cleaned up and my cozy moment was done. By the time I finished it was time to get the little sweet pea up. Norman Rockwell moment- done.

Which got me to thinking about how at the holidays we are often trying to find those "perfect, facebook worthy pictures" to capture and document for ourselves and everyone else that we really do live A Wonderful Life. (insert bell ringing on tree, and cue the music.....) I grew up watching The Cosby Show and Family Ties and I always loved how in any awkward or tense moment the parents or kids had just the right comment to add humor or knew exactly how to empathetically communicate just the right words so that Vanessa would agree she had been unkind to Rudy. And there would be hugging and maybe a tear or a poignant smile and, cue the music..... But, life is just not that scripted. It's real and our best moments are not always captured in a photo. And often the pursuit of a special moment is full of angst and stress and disappointment.

My husband, who generally speaking, dislikes anything scripted or structured has taught me a lot, at the holidays especially, about letting moments naturally evolve. Not putting so much pressure on myself to create them or on others to respond in the way I have pictured in my head. Sometimes 15 year olds pout during your office party. Sometimes no one likes the holiday meal you tried from Southern Living. Sometimes you're too tired to actually enjoy the fun family event you planned. It's just life.

But, if you stop to breath and reflect, you may discover (as I have) that there are many wonderful little Norman Rockwell moments you didn't plan that occur if you can have eyes to see them. Sometimes your 15 year old plans to spend $50 of his own birthday money on his brother because he wants to be more generous this year. Or your entire family is unexpectedly home and sitting around the dinner table laughing. Or your husband spends four hours fixing the lights on the tree after they go out just so it will be beautiful for the season. Or the cat sleeps in.

Living in Extreme's

I woke up today with a scratchy throat. No severe pain but the kind that makes you say, "Oh dear. Am I getting sick??!" This awareness resulted in a little conversation in my head about the wisdom of sleeping longer vs. going to the gym. Sleep won out today. However, the internal dialogue went on longer than you might imagine because the truth is I have fear. Fear of not being a faithful exerciser if I miss a scheduled morning. My fear is based on years of evidence that supports it. In the past, I tended to start strong- sort of a boot camp mentality. Than after 2 weeks, or maybe three, some obstacle would present itself and completely derail all my progress. Until guilt, or the inability to fit into my pants, would prompt me to begin the cycle all over again. All or nothing- never worked for me, always worked against me.

Currently I am approaching my entire goal of faithful exercise from a different perspective. Instead of focusing on some specific number on a scale or size I want to be, or even how many times a week I made it to the gym, I am focusing on being grateful for the healthy body God has blessed me with and from that gratitude, I am responding with steps to be a good steward of this body. Exercise being one such step. Rest, healthy eating (we aren't discussing that one till January!) and taking vitamins are also part of the overall plan. In the past I was simply too extreme. I am attempting to be more balanced and kinder to myself so that on a day when I wake up with a scratchy throat, I can choose to not work out with no guilt or fear.

I've noticed with my women friends, there is a strong tendency to live in one extreme or the other:

Have a picture perfect home, or let it be trashed in despair. 

Look perfectly "fixed" all the time, or never get out of sweat pants and baggy T-shirts. 

Have a quiet time every day, or go months without reading God's Word. 

We swing back and forth like pendulums, reacting to one extreme by going to the other. In my life, I have found I "swing" more when my motives are trying to impress others or prove my worth. Am I keeping my home clean and organized to be thought of as "so together" by my friends or so that my family is blessed by having a comfortable and inviting place to retreat from the world and rest? Because if it's the latter, it won't matter if the house looks ready for a photo shoot at all times and I won't feel like a failure if the floors aren't vacuumed or there are dishes in the sink. This applies to every area we tend to be extreme in. Examining our hearts and motives can reveal that we are doing the right thing for the wrong reason, which will never yield a peace and joy-filled life.