Chef Hat - I tried a new recipe....

Okay people, I just tried a new recipe and it was a winner! I don't really share recipe's a lot, as there's no reason with Pinterest supplying all we could ever want or need in ideas for dinner. However, this was yummy, yummy and fairly good for you, and filled up my family, plus we had leftovers. So for your dinnertime pleasure:

Firehouse Chicken

5 boneless skinless chicken breasts (either pounded flat, or butterflied open at the thickest part)
5 slices mozzarella cheese
5 pieces lunch meat or thinly sliced ham
seasoned bread crumbs
shredded mozzarella
1 can fat free cream of chicken soup
1/4 cup white wine (I used cooking wine tonight)
2 tbsp. reduced fat mayo

Wash the chicken, then pound or butterfly thin, coat in seasoned bread crumbs. Lay 1 slice each ham and mozzarella on the chicken, then roll up and secure with toothpicks. Lay toothpick side down in a glass baking dish. Mix soup, wine and mayo then pour over chicken bundles. Top with additional shredded mozzarella. Cover and bake 45 minutes at 375. Serve with brown (or white) rice.

This was good enough for company, but I put it together in about 15 minutes. 

Titus Two 4 U - Make the Most of Time

There is an old, famous poem (and I'm sure most people know who wrote it, but alas I do not) that says "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may...." I don't even know the rest of it- just that line. The significance of it hit me tonight. We came home from church and the boys went off with a friend to hang out instead of having dinner with us. "Doing their own thing" is a theme in my house right now. So it was just Emma, the husband and I around the table- and it hit me. I am at a crossroads in motherhood.

Two nights ago after a particularly tough conversation with my 15 year old I was feeling down. And to be honest, somewhat sorry for myself. It's hard work loving a teenage boy who is not in the mood to love you back, but rather to let you know just how much he thinks you should be different. Less or more of anything than who and what you are. Ouch. Then today my oldest walked in to announce how delicious his friend's mother's birthday cakes are. "Not that yours are bad, but hers are just so much better" (I'm paraphrasing but that was the jist) This is the same child who I overheard telling a friend that his birthday party is kind of a disappointment this year. Sigh.

They are pulling away. It's time and it's normal. And it hurts. I want them to grow up and become men. And I want them to always be close to me. But I have to let go of the one to allow the other. So as I'm feeling all this emotion I look up after dinner to see my nine year old twirling around the living room with her daddy, dancing and laughing. In a split second, my boys were nine and seven and we were around the table listening to music and cracking jokes at dinner every night. They were imitating daddy and vying to get our attention with jokes. I blink and they are annoyed, distant teenagers, struggling with all their might for independence and freedom. I realize with a sudden feeling of panic and a lump in my throat that hurts when I swallow that very, very soon my nine year old will be in the same place. Oh I know it's a few years off- but considering that 17 years has felt like a slow blink, that hardly comforts.

when my children were all littles....

So this is me on a sad day. Not all days with teenagers are like this. Mainly I have loved my sons journey's into these years. But today I feel the loss. How I want so badly to slow time down and let me make sure I poured enough love and faith into them. What if I didn't? What if I missed something terribly important? How I worry that our relationship will never quite be as close as those early years when they could climb up in my lap for hugs. How I wish I could know what goes on in their heads and hearts, but understand the need for them to keep some feelings and thoughts private. And the need to share some with anyone but mom.

So, I have many rosebuds I can no longer gather. And I have some left to pick. I intend to make the most of the few short years I have left with my sons at home, and continue to treasure every second I'm given with my whole family under one roof. And pray like crazy for the grace to hold them with an open palm.

My Crafty Daughter and Her Non-Crafty Mother

There is simply nothing that delights Emma more than a new bag of pom-pom's or some paints or a tube of glitter glue. I mean, literally nothing. She just has crafting fever and it's almost contagious. We had fun today because I decided to make a "Mumkin" from pinterest. (yes, I remember posting about how I don't use pinterest, but lately I have discovered it's kind of genius.....) Anyway, Em and I made the Mumkin together but seeing as how it really just involves scooping out pumkin guts and dropping a mum in it- she was unfulfilled. So we decided to go to the Dollar Tree near our house where she could buy a few Halloween type supplies to craft something a little more up to her skill level.

When we got home she was so enthused planning out her craft I joined her in scheming something I could make from items already around the house. And we worked together for one hour while dinner baked. My finished product made Emma smile. Hers provoked a smile from me also. Can I tell you how utterly thankful I am that God gave me, not just a daughter, but this one?

Our Mumkin before adding a bow!

Emma's three dimensional multi-media art

Done with sharpie!

Update on Voluntary Wanting

Update: it's harder to want things than I guessed. So far this week I've had to remind myself five times that I'm not buying new things for myself. There was the sale at the Garden Patch Thrift Store (Go Greenhouse!) for 50% off women's clothing; then there was the whole conversation with myself about needing another belt; then I got the email from Funtiques full of lovely household items......

I have decided to buy two mums and two pumpkins for my front steps however. This falls under "seasonal decor for the enjoyment of the whole family" and yes, that's a category I just created when I realized I needed pumpkins now and a Christmas tree in a few months.

So far the response to my "shopping fast" has been a range of "oh, that's cool" to "wait, this isn't going to punish us is it?" (from my soon-to-be 15 year old.) My response has been disappointment, attempts to rationalize and also, peace. My one thought from this week as I debated about a belt with myself was, this would be a normal way to live in most parts of the world. So I'm letting that one marinate awhile.

Off to work and then an afternoon with my girl enjoying a shopping free activity of exploring an historic village in our town. Happy October!

Titus Two For U - Making Space to Want

Well, I told you about the book Seven that rocked my world this summer. It led me to deep thoughts about the way I see my role in this world and who God calls his children to be when He says we are "salt" and "light". I began recycling which is going great (other than the first three weeks when I forgot to put the tub out by the curb so by week three I had too much to fit in the tub and had to just throw it away. That was a fail. BUT otherwise, it's been lovely) .

So now God has been stirring another thought in me for a few months about how I fill up my wants so quickly. I'm actually quite a pro at it. I really can't remember a time I deeply wanted anything that I wasn't hatching a plan to fulfill it. The plan usually revolves around buying something, eating something or creating a plan to buy or eat something in the near future. None of these are wrong, of course. But at the same time, I hear God whispering to me, "Why won't you just wait on me to fill you up?"

So, as we head into the busiest shopping, eating out season of the year, I made a small resolution to answer God's whisper. It's a little bit exciting and a little bit daunting. I, Debi Russell, will buy nothing for myself for the next 6 months. I really thought it through and determined it was a good way to create a little space to want and let God fill. To allow Him to move in my heart in ways I can't when I feel all satisfied and stuffed and quenched. I just don't let myself be very hungry or thirsty, metaphorically. (or otherwise) When David says in Psalms "My soul thirsts for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water" I cannot relate. Not really. But I long to.

So, just to be honest, I began the resolution a month ago, meaning I have five more months to go. Here's what's included in my non-buying plan: clothing, home decorations, jewelry, books, shoes (no new fall boots, sigh), purses, lunch out alone or little gifts for others "just because" (as these are essentially for me, because I love doing that, and I can easily replace it with baking something or writing a note). Here's what I'm not including: gifts for birthdays/christmas for others, lunch with a friend, my nails (they're already part of my grocery budget so I'm going with them), a new planner in January, replacement of an item that breaks if it's my only one (like the hair dryer I bought last month).

Wish me well bloggy friends. I've taken off the shopper hat. I will absolutely keep you posted on the ups and downs over the next five months. Praying for God to give me His comfort and His joy as I say goodbye to my watered down versions of it for a bit.

Morning Chats with Myself

Here is the conversation I'm having with myself at 5:17am about going to work out in 10 minutes:

Why can't I just work out later? oh yeah, because I won't as evidenced by several years.
But it's so early. This is awful. No, awful is being a prisoner of war. This is just uncomfortable.
But I have cramps and a headache. And my work out shorts don't fit right. And isn't there something about modesty to be considered here? I mean, if the shorts are too tight..... stop it. you're just stalling.
Fine, but they ARE too tight. Agreed, and perhaps the working out will help in that problem.
Why can't I just accept the need to exercise like a normal person!? Other people seem to work out with no real internal conflict over it. Relax. One step at a time. You've never cared about being normal anyway. True. I just want to quit hating it so much. I'm sure there's a spiritual principal here but I'm too cranky to care. It's okay. Just go work out and then you'll be less cranky and maybe figure out what God wants you to know. 

There you have it. The whole back and forth over getting on an elliptical machine at 5:26 am.  

Titus Two 4 U - Embrace Weird

You know what's not weird in this world? Being on a band wagon against something. Everyone has some cause or issue they are against- abortion, republicans, democrats, taxes, gluten, Lance Armstrong, Lady Gaga, GMO's, public schools, homeschooling, and on and on and on. I will be honest and say I find it exhausting and overwhelming to listen to all the internet rant on why people ought to be against whatever particular thing the ranter is against.

You know what is weird? Quietly going about being for something. I have so many highly inspiring friends who have determined to serve people. To reach out and show others the love of Christ by actually doing something about the problems they see in this broken world. My old youth pastor used to say being a person who did not: drink, smoke, have sex, curse, see the wrong movies, lie, cheat or steal made you no more spiritual than a department store mannequin. Biblical Christianity has always been defined by active obedience, not passive abstinence. Yes, there is a place and time to take a stand against sin and injustice in this world. But I find it utterly ineffective if not accompanied by a life lived for the good of others. Jesus did not just stand around telling everyone how wrong they were. He got his hands messy as he touched sick lepers and ate with drunken fishermen and sat with the town harlot. He fed hungry people, healed the hurting and cared for children.

Being a suburban wife and working mom of three has it's challenges. One of them is how to get off bandwagons and onto the business fighting for people. I have found that there are really great ways to do this in my community through several ministries where I can be hands on relationally with folks who need some love and encouragement. I'll give a shout out to GreenHouse Ministry, Doors of Hope, Branches (where I also get to work!) and The Journey Home.

I personally had to embrace weird a long time ago because I'm married to a guy who was weird enough to think he should quit a job with benefits and a salary to work instead as a church planter in India and raise his own salary. (Still no benefits unless you count the really amazing chai he brings home) I work for a non-profit where the question is occasionally are we going to buy toilet paper or light bulbs. We decided to let go of the "American dream" for a bigger one and it's often terrifying but God has overwhelmingly changed us.