Totally Terrific Tuesday

Reasons in no particular order that Tuesday was good:

1. I got to go work out with my two teenage sons at 5:30 am, which means a. I have two children God has blessed me to love for 17 and 15 years respectively b. both are healthy enough to work out c. both are motivated and have goals d. they like me enough to be seen with me (at least by the 13 other people at the Y)

2. My energy lasted all day. As my friend Doris says, Thank-the-lujah!

3. During my shopping fast I'm being forced to think outside the box about my outfits. Today I pulled off a new one that was, as a bonus, totally comfy for my long day.

4. My friends are having an adoption benefit to raise money for their adoption from Colombia. This excites me. I enjoy thinking about what wonderful parents they will be. I also enjoy thinking about how adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel. They have been waiting for two years on this process- anything that feels like it moves them forward is good.

5. My friend at work did beautifully in her surgery yesterday and the doctors caught the cancer early. (Still praying for her total recovery)

6. My husband is handling planning my birthday. I do not feel like planning my own this year, so I am delighted.

7. Gave Emma the photo of Welly the cat curled up on a suitcase (which is his very favorite thing to sleep on) that my parents developed, even adding a soft focus effect (hilarious). Emma was delighted and made immediate plans to hang the picture in her locker at school for all to see her beloved cat.

8. Gorgeous, flaming red sugar maple tree I see on my way to work. (love, love, love fall!)

9. Was reminded today that it's never too late to change your thinking or habits. The line from the Switchfoot song went rumbling through my head- "This is your life. Are you who you wanna be?" I'm so thankful that God has done so much transformation in my thinking which has led to changes in the way I feel and act. I like who I am becoming, and I feel free to admit I have so much work yet to do.

10. French Onion Chicken for dinner. Healthy, frugal and tasty= my kind of dinner!

Titus Two 4 U - Spider Webs

It's October and I'm feeling inspired by all the creepy decor popping up around town. Currently I'm staring at a web that is attached on one side to my living room lamp and the other side to my living room wall. I have no idea how long this little web has been there but to make myself feel better, I shall assume it was created overnight, and not three weeks ago. Here's the interesting thing about spiders in Tennessee- they are shockingly fast at creating their webs! One time I left my car window down over night, and I kid you not, the entire window was filled with a web in the morning when I went to get in my car. Not only are they fast- they are persistent. I had this one spider (I assume it was one- maybe it was several which would explain a lot, but ruin the example, so..... let's move on) that would create a new web every day after I would knock the old one off my mailbox. Every day. For a really long time- maybe a year. I'd go out to get the mail, brush off the web and go inside. Next day, I'd go back out to get the mail, and new web. Exact same spot. It was a battle of wills with that spider. I think I won- it's hard to be sure with spiders.

So, these industrious Tennessee spiders got me thinking about life. Here's the thing: spiders just do what they're made to do, regardless of the result. Knock down their web and they will build another one. No gripping about how hard they worked or how awful failure feels. No pouting or complaining or saying "I quit!" They just keep right on making their webs.

In my life, sometimes I have worked really, really hard trying to follow God's leading, only to feel like all my efforts were for naught. The relationship didn't get better, the checkbook is still crazy tight, the kids are still going through whatever stage of rebellion or frustration, the laundry- oh the laundry! You know what I mean. It's as if all the hard work and emotional energy and conversations and planning and praying have not quite succeeded in accomplishing the beautiful "web" my mind was set on. It's sad, and hard and it makes me want to shake my fist in the air (Scarlet O'Hara style) and say "I quit!" But what that really shows is I am most concerned with the results of my life- not the process. God however, is more about the  process. Excuse the stretch here but it's kind of like Mr. Miagi in Karate Kid. Ralph Machio is so mad about having to "wax on- wax off" and "paint the fence" he wants to quit. It all seems so pointless as his goal is to learn some tricks he can use to keep from getting beat up on a regular basis, but Mr. Miagi is teaching him everything he needs, even though he can't see it.

So, sweet friends, keep doing what God made you to do. Be the wife, mom, friend, worker, sister, daughter, aunt that God has called you to be. Mostly and mainly, be a worshipper of Him! Perseverance, the Bible says, produces character, which in turns produces hope. You don't get hopeful by giving up and throwing in the towel. You get there by continuing to do the next right thing, over and over and over, until one day your character is changed. And it is in that change that hope appears. 

Chef Hat - I tried a new recipe....

Okay people, I just tried a new recipe and it was a winner! I don't really share recipe's a lot, as there's no reason with Pinterest supplying all we could ever want or need in ideas for dinner. However, this was yummy, yummy and fairly good for you, and filled up my family, plus we had leftovers. So for your dinnertime pleasure:

Firehouse Chicken

5 boneless skinless chicken breasts (either pounded flat, or butterflied open at the thickest part)
5 slices mozzarella cheese
5 pieces lunch meat or thinly sliced ham
seasoned bread crumbs
shredded mozzarella
1 can fat free cream of chicken soup
1/4 cup white wine (I used cooking wine tonight)
2 tbsp. reduced fat mayo

Wash the chicken, then pound or butterfly thin, coat in seasoned bread crumbs. Lay 1 slice each ham and mozzarella on the chicken, then roll up and secure with toothpicks. Lay toothpick side down in a glass baking dish. Mix soup, wine and mayo then pour over chicken bundles. Top with additional shredded mozzarella. Cover and bake 45 minutes at 375. Serve with brown (or white) rice.

This was good enough for company, but I put it together in about 15 minutes. 

Titus Two 4 U - Make the Most of Time

There is an old, famous poem (and I'm sure most people know who wrote it, but alas I do not) that says "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may...." I don't even know the rest of it- just that line. The significance of it hit me tonight. We came home from church and the boys went off with a friend to hang out instead of having dinner with us. "Doing their own thing" is a theme in my house right now. So it was just Emma, the husband and I around the table- and it hit me. I am at a crossroads in motherhood.

Two nights ago after a particularly tough conversation with my 15 year old I was feeling down. And to be honest, somewhat sorry for myself. It's hard work loving a teenage boy who is not in the mood to love you back, but rather to let you know just how much he thinks you should be different. Less or more of anything than who and what you are. Ouch. Then today my oldest walked in to announce how delicious his friend's mother's birthday cakes are. "Not that yours are bad, but hers are just so much better" (I'm paraphrasing but that was the jist) This is the same child who I overheard telling a friend that his birthday party is kind of a disappointment this year. Sigh.

They are pulling away. It's time and it's normal. And it hurts. I want them to grow up and become men. And I want them to always be close to me. But I have to let go of the one to allow the other. So as I'm feeling all this emotion I look up after dinner to see my nine year old twirling around the living room with her daddy, dancing and laughing. In a split second, my boys were nine and seven and we were around the table listening to music and cracking jokes at dinner every night. They were imitating daddy and vying to get our attention with jokes. I blink and they are annoyed, distant teenagers, struggling with all their might for independence and freedom. I realize with a sudden feeling of panic and a lump in my throat that hurts when I swallow that very, very soon my nine year old will be in the same place. Oh I know it's a few years off- but considering that 17 years has felt like a slow blink, that hardly comforts.

when my children were all littles....

So this is me on a sad day. Not all days with teenagers are like this. Mainly I have loved my sons journey's into these years. But today I feel the loss. How I want so badly to slow time down and let me make sure I poured enough love and faith into them. What if I didn't? What if I missed something terribly important? How I worry that our relationship will never quite be as close as those early years when they could climb up in my lap for hugs. How I wish I could know what goes on in their heads and hearts, but understand the need for them to keep some feelings and thoughts private. And the need to share some with anyone but mom.

So, I have many rosebuds I can no longer gather. And I have some left to pick. I intend to make the most of the few short years I have left with my sons at home, and continue to treasure every second I'm given with my whole family under one roof. And pray like crazy for the grace to hold them with an open palm.

My Crafty Daughter and Her Non-Crafty Mother

There is simply nothing that delights Emma more than a new bag of pom-pom's or some paints or a tube of glitter glue. I mean, literally nothing. She just has crafting fever and it's almost contagious. We had fun today because I decided to make a "Mumkin" from pinterest. (yes, I remember posting about how I don't use pinterest, but lately I have discovered it's kind of genius.....) Anyway, Em and I made the Mumkin together but seeing as how it really just involves scooping out pumkin guts and dropping a mum in it- she was unfulfilled. So we decided to go to the Dollar Tree near our house where she could buy a few Halloween type supplies to craft something a little more up to her skill level.

When we got home she was so enthused planning out her craft I joined her in scheming something I could make from items already around the house. And we worked together for one hour while dinner baked. My finished product made Emma smile. Hers provoked a smile from me also. Can I tell you how utterly thankful I am that God gave me, not just a daughter, but this one?

Our Mumkin before adding a bow!

Emma's three dimensional multi-media art

Done with sharpie!

Update on Voluntary Wanting

Update: it's harder to want things than I guessed. So far this week I've had to remind myself five times that I'm not buying new things for myself. There was the sale at the Garden Patch Thrift Store (Go Greenhouse!) for 50% off women's clothing; then there was the whole conversation with myself about needing another belt; then I got the email from Funtiques full of lovely household items......

I have decided to buy two mums and two pumpkins for my front steps however. This falls under "seasonal decor for the enjoyment of the whole family" and yes, that's a category I just created when I realized I needed pumpkins now and a Christmas tree in a few months.

So far the response to my "shopping fast" has been a range of "oh, that's cool" to "wait, this isn't going to punish us is it?" (from my soon-to-be 15 year old.) My response has been disappointment, attempts to rationalize and also, peace. My one thought from this week as I debated about a belt with myself was, this would be a normal way to live in most parts of the world. So I'm letting that one marinate awhile.

Off to work and then an afternoon with my girl enjoying a shopping free activity of exploring an historic village in our town. Happy October!

Titus Two For U - Making Space to Want

Well, I told you about the book Seven that rocked my world this summer. It led me to deep thoughts about the way I see my role in this world and who God calls his children to be when He says we are "salt" and "light". I began recycling which is going great (other than the first three weeks when I forgot to put the tub out by the curb so by week three I had too much to fit in the tub and had to just throw it away. That was a fail. BUT otherwise, it's been lovely) .

So now God has been stirring another thought in me for a few months about how I fill up my wants so quickly. I'm actually quite a pro at it. I really can't remember a time I deeply wanted anything that I wasn't hatching a plan to fulfill it. The plan usually revolves around buying something, eating something or creating a plan to buy or eat something in the near future. None of these are wrong, of course. But at the same time, I hear God whispering to me, "Why won't you just wait on me to fill you up?"

So, as we head into the busiest shopping, eating out season of the year, I made a small resolution to answer God's whisper. It's a little bit exciting and a little bit daunting. I, Debi Russell, will buy nothing for myself for the next 6 months. I really thought it through and determined it was a good way to create a little space to want and let God fill. To allow Him to move in my heart in ways I can't when I feel all satisfied and stuffed and quenched. I just don't let myself be very hungry or thirsty, metaphorically. (or otherwise) When David says in Psalms "My soul thirsts for you in a dry and weary land where there is no water" I cannot relate. Not really. But I long to.

So, just to be honest, I began the resolution a month ago, meaning I have five more months to go. Here's what's included in my non-buying plan: clothing, home decorations, jewelry, books, shoes (no new fall boots, sigh), purses, lunch out alone or little gifts for others "just because" (as these are essentially for me, because I love doing that, and I can easily replace it with baking something or writing a note). Here's what I'm not including: gifts for birthdays/christmas for others, lunch with a friend, my nails (they're already part of my grocery budget so I'm going with them), a new planner in January, replacement of an item that breaks if it's my only one (like the hair dryer I bought last month).

Wish me well bloggy friends. I've taken off the shopper hat. I will absolutely keep you posted on the ups and downs over the next five months. Praying for God to give me His comfort and His joy as I say goodbye to my watered down versions of it for a bit.