In the thick of it....

Help! I am in withdrawls. There is shopping mania abounding via internet and TV commercials and mailers and facebook posts. It's all I can see. I cannot imagine at this moment why I ever decided to go on a six month shopping fast. Why didn't I even consider how cheaply I could get a cute new holiday dress? Or how much I love to go through the drive through of Starbucks while out shopping for gifts? Why didn't any of you intervene?? I am 2 1/2 months into this idea and I'll tell you right now, it stinks.

I suppose, it's possible that in the deprivation I feel, God may be speaking. Whispering something to me about how "stuff" doesn't really satisfy- as evidenced by all the stuff around me I acquired prior to this moment. How I could sometimes, occasionally use shopping as a diversion to dealing with feelings or issues. I mean, I guess that could be part of what God is trying to tell me. But right now with all the Target jingles ringing in my ears it's hard to tell.

Titus Two 4 U - Develop a Job Description

Nobody ever interview's you from HR before you take on the biggest job of your life. There is no explanation of benefits, call back's for second interviews or checking your references. Basically God decides you are qualified and nine months after beginning the process you are hired as "Mom".

So from then on there is a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week job you are responsible to complete.

That seems almost impossible. And certainly it requires utter dependence on God to give you grace and strength daily. But, I have also come to see that the mom's I have known who are the most joyful and least stressed have given themselves a more defined job description than "All related tasks to Little Johnny are the sole responsibility of this woman 24/7." It might look something like this-

Mother shall be responsible for the feeding and care of Little Johnny daily from 6am until 8pm. During alternate hours she will share on-call duties with Father. She will maintain a safe environment for him, provide emotional and spiritual development and see that his basic needs are met. This mother does not participate in school projects, costume making or exposure to loud noises- such as parades or monster truck races. Those needs will be met by father, or hired out. All hair cuts and shoe shopping shall also fall under father's responsibilities. In the event that the child becomes sick, mother will cease any other normal functions and see completely to the care of the child, and shall be expected to accomplish normal daily tasks on an "as able" basis, such as cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking a shower, etc. As the child ages, morning hours shall change to reflect the mother's need to sleep and the child's ability to help himself to a bowl of cheerios and turn on cartoons for an hour. Mother will create and maintain traditions for the child, such as Sunday morning pancakes, but all traditions are subject to revision as seen fit by the mother. Mother always shares with father: doctor visits, parent-teacher conferences, Christmas Eve construction jobs, interviewing potential team members (ie, babysitters and coaches). Mother receives one night a month and two weekends a year "off duty" paid leave. Mother always chooses a restaurant to be taken to on Mother's Day for lunch. Mother gets first pick of photo opp's upon completion of raising child at high school graduation. And in the year following release of child into adulthood, Mother shall be given the option to take a trip to Europe.

Now, I'm not saying this reflects my particular job description, but I will say I don't do parades. The bottom line is every mom is unique and has parts of the job she does really well and other parts she can't tolerate. Recognizing which parts you need to hand off to dad/grandparents or hire out frees you up to enjoy and excel in the areas you love. And deciding ahead of time it's okay to have some basic "hours" gives you the mental break needed to endure. 

A new thought for me on thanks

Read a quote today I liked in keeping with the facebook "Thankful November" theme so many of my friends are participating in:

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." -G.K. Chesterton

Today has not started off as my favorite. It was incredibly cold so I waited to go work out till after I took Emma to school, which has thrown off my usual morning-before-long-work-day routine. My sweet middle son is still home sick with strep throat and that means I will leave him here with a TV tray stocked with meds and drinks, but still, fending for himself for the afternoon. I am feeling a tiny, little bit run down myself, but am refusing to give that much thought as we are heading to Thanksgiving and I cannot even entertain the notion of missing out on the fun and spending my 5 days off work in bed. (shudder)

So when I came across this quote it stopped me in my tracks for a second. I'm not feeling overly thankful or grateful today, yet this way of looking at "thanks" as a form of thought was uplifting- thanks is more than a specific thought- it is a way of thinking. And when I consider gratitude as happiness doubled by wonder it resonates. It is full of wonder indeed, that God loves me. That in fact, though I am not deserving, He sent His Son Jesus, to die in my place and give me credit for His perfect life. All to reconcile me back to God. There has never been more wonderful news. When I frame my thoughts through that wonderful news- well, my happiness and thankfulness seem to inflate. To rise up in me and expose many more blessings my heart might tend to miss when I simply try to find something in the current moment to give thanks for. 

Titus Two 4 U - Needs vs. Wants

I was so happy to get an extra hour of sleep this morning! Resetting my clocks after daylight savings time ends is quite thrilling. It's 7am- wait, no, it's only 6am!! I am always thinking if I could just add a 25th hour to my day it'd be "perfect". (Which I realize is like saying, essentially, God should have added an extra hour to the whole earth rotation, which I'm pretty sure fringes on heretical) Anyway, that whole inner dialogue got me thinking about how often I say "I need _________" but when I break it down, it's really not true. I want ___________. But I don't need it. Sometimes it's "stuff" I think I need. But my current "shopping fast" is proving to me it's not true. (Let me add, as a side note, this is becoming VERY challenging as we approach holidays!! I keep forgetting, truly. Then I remember. Then I have to remind myself why this seemed like a good idea.) Sometimes it's things for my kids. Sometimes it's more rest or less stress. Sometimes I think I need more fun in my life. But God was bringing to mind the verse in Proverbs 31 about the wife of noble character last night, and a thought hit me. One of the reasons her family is so taken care of is she prepares for their needs.

I think as an American mama, I sometimes get it backward. I am busy preparing for wants, then the needs get pushed to the back. My kids want fun, new stuff, food they like, time to play. They need spiritual guidance, emotionally present parents, nutritious food/basic clothing. Now these are not necessarily opposed to one another. Sometimes I can provide all of them. But, when I can't do it all, the needs should trump the wants. It's easier to see this with my kids than myself however.

I need daily time with Jesus- I want to surf facebook or blog. I need nutritious food- I want dark chocolate and diet coke. I need meaningful relationships with other women who speak truth and love me well- I want friends who like me and are impressed with my efforts. I need a husband who loves me unconditionally- I want a husband who agrees with me.  I need to get a good night's sleep- I want all the dishes out of the sink or the floor vacuumed. Again, these are not always opposed to one another. But too often I choose what I want over what I need. So as we are in the month of Thankfulness I want to take a minute to thank God for meeting my needs. And ask for His help in choosing to take that portion of provision instead of passing over it to find what I want.

Happy Trick or Treat Day!

2012- the Fox and the Bat(girl)

Just for fun, I've been reminiscing about Halloween's past and remembering some of my favorite kid's costumes of yester-year.....

when I only had two babies....

happy ladybug girl

princesses!

he was a great ninja

being goofy, literally and figuratively

Zorro, no costume and ladybug

Look at her sweet smile...

this one just looks awkward all the way around....

another sweet face- and no I cannot figure out how to turn this!

"a blessing in disguise"

Elfeba from Wicked

Chef Hat- French Onion Chicken

This is a great weeknight dish for me because I can prep it before I leave for work and then someone can throw it in the oven and cook the rice and ta-da! Dinner is waiting on me when I get home at 8ish.

1-2 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breast cubed
2 cans reduced fat cream of mushroom soup
2 cans french style green beans, drained or 1 bag frozen green beans
1 envelope onion soup mix
1 can french fried onions (optional)

Layer cubed chicken, green beans in glass baking dish. Combine onion soup mix with soups and spread on top. Cover with foil and bake at 350 for 45 minutes. Uncover (and top with french fried onions of using) and bake 5-10 minutes more until bubbly. Serve over rice.

This serves 6 and makes very yummy leftovers- in fact, it's what I just ate for lunch before heading into work!

Bookend Birthdays

So today is my last day at 38. Tomorrow I will be 39 and officially living my last year of this decade. It is the book end on a really great period in my life. I have loved, loved my 30's. God has worked me through lots of emotional and spiritual junk, I began a career, I gave birth to my bookend baby, traveled to Brazil and India to make Jesus famous and it has generally been a time of great blessing by God, full of transitions. In these nine years I have changed houses, churches and work life. I went from a mom of "littles" to a mom of teens + one big girl. I went from working part-time to full-time. My friendships have shifted. Thankfully, my primary relationships are stronger and my love for God is deeper than they were when I began this decade. What a blessing!

As I sit here, sipping my coffee and thinking of this last year in the 30's I feel somewhat excited and motivated to close this era with gusto. You know, to look back and say my 39th year really reflected all that my 30's taught me and blessed me with. So, to that end I have a few small (or big, depending on your perspective) goals for life over the next 365 days:

to be in better shape physically than I was when I began this decade- since I've been very open about my struggles to exercise faithfully, you know this will be a challenge. But since I have come to the conviction that I want to be a good steward of the body and health that God has given me, it has been a little easier. My plan to reach this goal is to continue to work out four days a week, cut back even further on diet cokes and bring some strength training into my cardio.

to try something new- I am a self professed "hamster on a wheel" so trying new things is always in intentional choice. But I am keeping my eyes and ears open to an opportunity God might present to grow me through attempting something I've never done. I'll keep you posted.

to faithfully spend time connecting to God- this is another pattern of inconsistency I deeply desire to change. This is my year to do it! My church is a beautiful encouragement to me in this area as we are memorizing God's word together and studying through books of the bible in sermons. I am serious about becoming a woman who depends on God and not my own strength, personality or gifting. My plan is to simply spend time in prayer and reading God's word on a very consistent basis. I won't say every day, because for me that tends to become legalism- something to check off a list that proves I'm "good" but I do want my life to be characterized by a pattern. In fact, I guess the goal would be at the end of the year to feel my day was not quite normal if I hadn't spent intentional time with God.

to rejoice in the gifts of the moment and spend less time wasted on worry- I read a quote recently, I think it was Donald Miller, which said "God created this wonderful world full of awe and beauty and placed you in it to learn from it, care for it and see His glory. And you can't do that sitting on the couch watching TV all the time." So true! To which I would add, you can't do that worrying about what tomorrow might bring. This moment is a gift. Right now, sitting here with this laptop and my cozy blanket and my needy cat. My lungs work, my heart works, my kidneys work. My family is safe. My needs are met. These are gifts I don't deserve. I have not earned the right to have them. I want to live in such a way that as I enter my 40's I am constantly aware that every moment- the fun, the tiring, the good, the painful, the sweet, the sad, the ordinary and extraordinary- are all from God and all to be lived to His glory.

Me and the hubs going out for my 39th Birthday Date!

I am closing this blog with a prayer of thanks to my Lord:

Dear Father, thank you for giving me life- both physically 39 years ago and spiritually! What a blessing to live knowing who you are and what you have done for me. I thank you for all my gifts, but most importantly for your son's death and resurrection that gives me hope, and life and joy. This has been such a good year. I have cried a bunch with you over hurts of letting go. Over tensions in relationships. And in those tears you have taught me so many good things about myself and my need to be loved that I try to fill in many ways outside of you. Thank you for teaching me to depend on you to fill my heart. I have also delighted in my children growing up and seeing their lives unfold. Thank you, thank you, thank you for allowing me to be their mom another year. Thank you for challenging me to hold them "open palmed" and preparing me for them to spread their wings soon. I have treasured times with both my moms this year. Thank you for giving them another year of life and health, that I may love them better and learn to honor them more for who they are in my life. I have learned so much this year about myself in my marriage. Thank you for giving Scott and I the grace to love one another through the good, bad and ugly. He is still my very best friend and I am deeply grateful for every day we are given together. Finally I am amazed that you have given us a church family where we are challenged and loved. City Church has been one of my very favorite presents from you this year- may I be as much a blessing to this family as they have been to me and my family. In Jesus' Name- Amen.