It's Your Move

Sometimes in marriage, you just have to decide to make the first move. To get past whatever argument or disagreement or hurt feelings there are, and reach out to reconnect. Maybe you grab their hand, or you begin with some "normal" small talk or you say "I'm sorry"- but whatever it is, the easiest thing is to keep holding back and waiting for them to bring it up. After all, it's their fault anyway, right? If they had only said (or not said) this, if they would just pay more attention to you, if they would just be perfect, perhaps we would not be in this little mess in the first place.

In chess when one person has gone, they tell their opponent "it's your move". This lets them know the game cannot move forward unless the correct player makes a move. Also it's let's them know, I'm waiting on you. As in, Move It! (In chess, they are more civilized sounding than I am when waiting on my husband to come to the car so we can leave to get to church on time for example....) But marriage, is not a game. We are not keeping score, there are not winners and losers. At least, there aren't supposed to be. Either person is free to make a move toward the other at any time. It's hard to do because we give in to pride and fear. Pride says, make them take that step. You didn't do anything wrong, or at least not as wrong as them. Fear says, if you move toward them you'll never reconcile the problem- it'll just be swept under the rug so you have to pull away until they see it your way or agree you were right. But here's the thing: Love says, lay down your rights for the good of your relationship. For the good of your partner. In marriage like no other relationship, you have to decide what voice you will listen to- pride, fear or love.

But, remember, you are not the first one to ever take a risk on love. God loved you first. He initiated a reconciliation that you didn't even acknowledge you needed! The Bible says we were His enemies when he chose to love us. Not only that, but it also says His perfect love drives out fear. When I know I am completely loved by God, I can quit being in fear of not having my needs met, or not being in perfect agreement with my husband. God's love for me, allows me to love my husband better. If I let it. 

Hamster off her Wheel

Have you ever had your entire week just "thrown off" by one unexpected little twist or turn? That was my week, for sure and certain. I (obviously) did not plan in my September "surgery for Klynt" and even though he is recovering really well and being such a trooper, I have been completely behind ever since Monday. I went to bed exhausted every night, I lost my phone twice in one day, I sent emails without their necessary attachments. I even ended up grocery shopping at 9pm last night (which ended at 11:30 with the last item being put away), because I rearranged my work week to allow for being with my Klynters during his surgery, which meant rearranging all my normal wife and mom jobs too. Whew! I am delighted to be sitting in my jammies at 9:48am with a big ol' day of "whatever I want to do" spread out in front of me!

One benefit to being a little "off kilter" all week is it shakes me up a bit and exposes a few cracks in the surface of my faith. For one thing, I notice I am way more easily agitated when I am out of my normal routine. That comfort of the familiar and regular is taken away and I feel a bit raw. I found myself needing to apologize for a harsh tone with Emma or making an assumption with Kyler. It's humbling to see how easily my "goodness" erodes under a little pressure. I take so much comfort though, in knowing God does not crumble. He remains my one source of constant in an ever-changing life. I think part of my challenge is to learn to find more comfort in Him, and less in routine and schedule.

Another blessing of this week was questioning my norms. There are little ruts I dig that I never even think to alter, until they get altered and I realize it was better! Working out on Wednesdays around 8:30 worked great this week. Not doing laundry Tues-Thurs was not, in fact, a disaster. I'm still basically caught up. It was kind of nice being in my office on Friday and getting to visit with my Branches girls without the busyness of so many clients.

As thankful as I am for today's wonderful laid back pace, I am also choosing to be thankful for a week that felt hectic and weird and uncomfortable. God has been teaching me to choose gratitude over complaint for several years now, and when I pick gratitude it's amazing how much goodness and joy I find in things that used to bring me such angst. 

Oops!

I am swamped. Suddenly without warning, or my intentional permission mind you, my calendar has descended upon me like a boa constrictor. Tightening ever so slowly until I suddenly realized, "it's got me!!!" Sigh....

It all began innocently enough. I had this idea about beginning a "mentoring women group" which I casually shared with one of my pastor's, which then launched me into a coffee meeting, which ended up with me needing to produce an outline. Meanwhile, elsewhere on my calendar was a sneaky little commitment I made months ago to speak at an upcoming Chamber of Commerce panel breakfast representing my beloved Branches. No big deal..... something about the psychology of first impressions..... and besides that was way on the distance. However, I also remembered I had agreed to teach for our school, New Life University but it was two months away. And several months ago, I had this thought that it'd be great to help out our children's minister by coordinating all our kid's birthdays to send them cards and such from their teachers- and just received all the info this week via email to get started. Then Klynt broke his elbow and we had surgery thrust upon our week.

So last night as I was looking ahead at the month of September, which I had mentally rehearsed as an uneventful and restful month, I discovered I was already in the grip of "over committed". The speaking engagement and teaching gig are both on the same week that my husband goes out of town for work, and we have an Intensive at Branches. AND somehow I've got to get this outline completed, as I insinuated I would have turned it in two weeks ago. AND I need to get this children's ministry thing nailed down since I already said I would eons ago. AND my best friend from FL has tried to connect with me several times and I'm too busy to get on the phone with her!

This is the plight of a woman with ideas. Take note and learn from my mania. ALWAYS look at your calendar when making commitments. ALWAYS plan some space for random children interruptions to the schedule. ALWAYS pray before saying yes (which, in my own weak defense I did do regarding at least one of these!). Yes dear friends, I will survive my September and live to tell the tale...."remember that one year, when like a crazy person I committed to do way too many things for one woman but didn't cancel or back out of any of them because I had just enough guilt and people pleasing to keep me going?....." but it is my sincere plan to learn from this minor setback and do a better job balancing my delightful ideas with realistic abilities to accomplish them.

Ever so thankful that the Lord loves me and my sanguine spontaneous self, in spite of the fact that I fell asleep praying for the umpteenth time last night out of sheer exhaustion. So if you don't hear much from Millinery, you'll know I'm wrestling an overgrown boa into October!

Nurses Hat, again!

I have been so blessed as a mom, to rarely deal with illness or injury. My kids have just been easy in terms of health and so it's unusual to have doctors, medicine or surgery for us to deal with. As a result there is a little anxiety for all of us as we approach Klynt's surgery tomorrow. Here was Emma's prayer tonight:

"Dear God, make sure you take care of Klynt tomorrow. There's been a lot of drama for him with his surgery....well, you already know about that. So make sure you give him confidence. Oh and since there is a slight, slight chance- I mean, I don't really think this, but since there is a chance, make sure he doesn't die. And so you know, just take care of him God....." 

Apparently, Klynt's repeated comments about tonight being his "last meal ever" sunk in with her a bit. So after a good meal of Chicken Taco Salad- his very favorite food- and a set of "before" pictures taken by me and prayers by parents and a few texts from friends, my Klynters is as ready as he can be for his elbow repair.

This fractured elbow has been a good teaching experience, and I'm sure the lessons aren't over yet. We've had discussions about why God would allow Klynt to get injured and not prevent it. How God may have prevented something much worse by allowing this injury. How a broken world causes us to get broken too. How God is more concerned with developing our character than our temporary happiness, and on and on.

So tonight, I'm praying for God to be with my son as he sleeps. To give him confidence and peace. And to allow me the opportunity to help him know God more through this experience. 

Recycling Update

overheard from one child to another as I walked through the house...

So, why are we recycling?

Mom read some book. You know- she got all inspired.

oh. figures.

So, my step toward being a better care taker of this world God has entrusted us with is being met with less enthusiasm than hoped for, but none-the-less the Russell Family continues on! I am undeterred by the skepticism of my offspring. In fact I am enjoying the process, and have discovered another side benefit- our kitchen trash can is filling much more slowly!

ps. do not judge me for what you see in my recycling bin! I cannot seem to reform the husband's soda drinking ways......yet.

How We Cheer During College Football

So it begins. Every fall I get excited about the opening weekend of college football and this year to celebrate I put out a brand new flag in support of my beloved Gators. (Chomp, chomp!) My husband resurrected a yard plaque my sweet parents gave him as a gift years ago that had become really faded in the sunlight and it now looks brand new for our family's beloved Sooners. (Boomer Sooner!)

Football in the South is a bit of a ritual. For us it involves camping out at my in-laws house wearing our team colors and eating smoky sausages, rotel dip, chili mac, taco soup, pinto's and corn bread a la Papa Doc, and brownies. (um, not all these foods on one day mind you....) Occasionally I get a wild hair and copy a fun tailgating recipe from Southern Living. But we generally stick to the routine and it is a family event which is why I love it so. My father-in-law usually sets up three tv's in the living room so as not to miss the action on other channels. My mother-in-law and I make sideways comments about all his cords and wires making the room look ugly, but we tolerate it- just as the men tolerate our discussions on changes to uniforms, who needs to smile more in the line up photos and questions about penalities. Emma generally brings her American Girl doll dressed in cheerleader attire and watches approximately one quarter of a game before moving into the kitchen to munch on food and watch Phineas and Ferb. Klynt picks a spot and cheers loudly and dramatically for all things OU. Kyler lays on the floor and half watches, half texts friends. I run back and forth between Gator football and OU football depending on the weekly line up.

last fall. notice, the hubs has a real jersey- I have a cute sparkly Gator.

It's our traditions and we love them. Hope you are all enjoying your fall traditions too. They do bind a family together and create wonderful teaching moments and memories! And as we say in The Swamp, if you aren't Gator, you're Gator Bait!

Titus Two 4 U- Kindness

Tonight's Titus Two 4 U is brought to you by Ibuprofen. Because let's just face it, sometimes being a woman hurts.

Sometimes it's a headache after a particularly trying discussion with your 14 year old about why, in fact, he is NOT going to do what he wants to do but will instead do what you've asked him to do and then he huffalumps around the kitchen to let you know how totally disgruntled he is with your parenting until he finally goes to bed. (insert me rolling my eyes behind his back)

Sometimes it's a heartache when you and your spouse aren't seeing eye to eye and cross words are exchanged and the tension creates distance. Which, in the heart of this woman, feels like love has sailed across the ocean, taking your ordinarily handsome and wonderful husband with it. And even though you know it isn't true, it still feels sad until one of you says I'm sorry and the making up can begin.

Sometimes it's the aches and pains of working hard to clean a house that will only be dirty again momentarily. But hey, aching back- at least my bathtubs are clean for now!

But, for tonight, as real as these are, I want to encourage you to remember these are first world problems. There are other problems that women face, here in the US or around the world, that make my hurts look really small. There are mother's grieving because they haven't had any food to feed their hungry children in days and days. There are women sold into the slavery of sex traffic, and every day their bodies are used for someone else's purposes. There are women in homeless shelter's because they had no where to go to get away from their abusive husband's with no means to make a living and no tangible idea of how to start over.

One of the principals presented in Titus 2:4-5 is kindness. It is taking action upon the feeling of compassion. It is recognizing hurt and need in others and responding to it. We were sitting at the kitchen table tonight after church, and the above mentioned 14 year old asked why are we seeing so many shooting rampages, after hearing about the shooting at the Empire State Building. So we started talking about how as a society, people have no one to comfort them when they go through pain and they get alone and isolated and that pain can turn to hatred. Or how people get wounded by parents or friends and with no one to guide them toward healing, they naturally turn that destruction toward others over time. And of course, there is mental illness, addiction and selfishness that can play roles as well. At one point he just looked at us and said, "Well why don't we help them before it gets to that?" Indeed.

Kindness is like ointment to emotional pain. It soothes and begins the healing. I recognize it's hard to know where to start, but here are the places God is laying on my heart: with my husband and children; with my kids friends; with my immediate neighbors and community group and any time I hear of a person struggling and alone I am going to attempt some action of kindness as my response, instead of my usual "I'll be praying for them". This week alone I heard of two different single mother's in difficult situations and have determined a tangible way to show them kindness that will hopefully point them toward the God who loved them enough to send His son for them. To remind them they are not alone and that God sees them, so He's sending me as a messenger of that fact. With chicken casserolle, because after all, this is the South and kindness and cassrolle's are intrinsically linked.