Sisterhood at Christmas

Today I had a fabulous day that started out with me in tears. There are just days where I miss my sisters and mom. The day after Thanksgiving is one of them. I'm not sure why exactly. We didn't grow up with any definite traditions- no Black Friday madness or anything like that. But I just remember the feeling of that day always involved Christmas Spirit. It was like we opened the page of a book declaring the Christmas Season upon us and the festive nature enveloped us. Sometimes we cleaned the house and put out decorations. Sometimes we watched Christmas movies like Miracle on 34th Street or White Christmas. (Which incidentally has a whole silly song about sisters that I love to sing.) Sometimes we went out for a little bit of wandering in the mall and having Barnie's coffee- Santa's White Christmas- the official flavor of Christmas as declared by me. (Also the only downside to living in TN at Christmastime is the lack of Santa's White Christmas Barnie's coffee- FL friends feel free to mail me some!

So after  a brief tearful meltdown, and then instructions to my husband about not looking at me like I'm a weirdo when I'm crying about things that make no sense to him (he claims to have been marveling at the difference between men and women- I told him marvel on his own time- when your wife is crying you must look upon her with empathy and pat her hand and say "there, there") I decided I needed some girl time with my best girl. So I picked out some festive clothes for Em and we set off into the Black Friday world with no real pressure to accomplish one specific thing, but hoping to get a little shopping done while shaking off the blues.

Without even trying to we created a new tradition. I'm sure we'll be doing this for years to come. It was the first year Emma was old enough to be trusted with seeing the other family members gifts. (I think. I hope.) We giggled a lot about how silly the boys are and how much fun we were having without them. I told her the story of my tearful meltdown and how daddy shook his head at me in disbelief, and she said- "Oh mom, I know exactly what you're talking about. I've seen you with Aunt Anne- I know why you need your sister." Then later I found this really, ridiculously good deal on a case with 45 eye shadows. For $5. And I loved it. I was about to put it in the cart-

 "Mom, who are you getting that for?" 

"Um, well, I guess I was getting it for me." (she nods knowingly)

"That's what I thought. Guess you better put it back, huh?"

(gulp)"Yep, guess so. Thanks for keeping me honest."

Turns out the sisterhood I needed was available in my daughter. Amazing. 

Quick Thoughts

Tonight's thoughts are short and sweet, sponsored by "Gone-With-the-Wind-Comes-on-TV-Tonight-and-I-Still-Have-a-Few-Loose-Ends-to-Tie-Up-Before-Bed".

If your busyness is focused on making yourself look good, making your kids look good, getting people to like or be impressed with you, personal gain or creating temporary security it will lead to frantic, stressed out living. Temporary happiness replaced by deep emptiness. And the need to continually engage in more of the same.

If your busyness is focused on bringing glory to your creator, blessing your family and friends and reflecting God's love to hurting and broken people- all the while knowing none of the "works" you do make God love you any more than He already does- then it will lead to joy.

I have lived in both types of busyness. It requires honest inner assessment for me to really know my motives, and at times I'm sure they're a little of both. But, choosing to ask why I'm so busy is a good place to start. 

So tonight as you get ready for a big day of feasting, remember to focus on Jesus. His love and redemption offered at the cross. And allow that to fuel the choices you make. Or don't make. 

That is all. Off to watch one of my childhood favorites......

How Mocha Punch is the tie that binds....

We were standing in church after service visiting tonight when a friend asked in earshot of Emma if we had any traditions for Thanksgiving as a family. Emma piped right up and said "In my family, we have this thing we do. We get up and have mocha punch in the morning."

I have been drinking mocha punch since I was a teenager and my mom discovered the recipe from a friend and made it for our family. This was pre-Starbucks, people and a delicious, creamy coffee punch was absolute heaven. Mom started making it for holidays. When I left home and began a family I craved that delicious treat so I began making it too. Of course, when the boys were little they didn't even like it. I'd make this whole punch bowl full and drink most of it myself. (this, in large part, explains why I always gained weight during the holidays) As they got bigger, my holiday menu's varied year to year, but mocha punch was always part of the feast. Recently one of the boys was asking why I don't make it more often as it is his "reason for even liking the holidays" (this is my dramatic child) and I told him we have to have things to look forward to and count on to create memories. (I believe he rolled his eyes)

But it's true. As a family of teenagers and a big kid, I see so clearly how those little family traditions bring us all together. The kids can giddily anticipate the twice a year arrival of Mocha Punch. They can complain together when it runs out. They love to talk about it to friends as the thing "we love" that mom fixes. I really didn't know when I started making it, it would become a ritual we couldn't live without. That's the thing about creating traditions- you have to be open to discovering which traditions fit your family. Pinterest is full of wonderful and clever ideas- but you just have no way of knowing which ones your family will end up insisting upon year after year.

So, in honor of my sweet family, I am posting my Mocha Punch recipe for you. Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Mocha Punch

2 cups boiling water, mixed with 1 1/4 cups sugar
2 oz. instant coffee

1 gallon 2 % milk

1/2 gallon vanilla bean ice cream

4 tsp. pure vanilla extract

Combine sugar water and instant coffee. Place in a container with lid overnight in the fridge.

In the morning, in a big punch bowl, pour coffee syrup, milk and vanilla. Scoop ice cream into bowl and allow to dissolve slightly before serving.

Makes 1 punch bowl, serves 20. (Or in my case- a family of 5.)

In the thick of it....

Help! I am in withdrawls. There is shopping mania abounding via internet and TV commercials and mailers and facebook posts. It's all I can see. I cannot imagine at this moment why I ever decided to go on a six month shopping fast. Why didn't I even consider how cheaply I could get a cute new holiday dress? Or how much I love to go through the drive through of Starbucks while out shopping for gifts? Why didn't any of you intervene?? I am 2 1/2 months into this idea and I'll tell you right now, it stinks.

I suppose, it's possible that in the deprivation I feel, God may be speaking. Whispering something to me about how "stuff" doesn't really satisfy- as evidenced by all the stuff around me I acquired prior to this moment. How I could sometimes, occasionally use shopping as a diversion to dealing with feelings or issues. I mean, I guess that could be part of what God is trying to tell me. But right now with all the Target jingles ringing in my ears it's hard to tell.

Titus Two 4 U - Develop a Job Description

Nobody ever interview's you from HR before you take on the biggest job of your life. There is no explanation of benefits, call back's for second interviews or checking your references. Basically God decides you are qualified and nine months after beginning the process you are hired as "Mom".

So from then on there is a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week job you are responsible to complete.

That seems almost impossible. And certainly it requires utter dependence on God to give you grace and strength daily. But, I have also come to see that the mom's I have known who are the most joyful and least stressed have given themselves a more defined job description than "All related tasks to Little Johnny are the sole responsibility of this woman 24/7." It might look something like this-

Mother shall be responsible for the feeding and care of Little Johnny daily from 6am until 8pm. During alternate hours she will share on-call duties with Father. She will maintain a safe environment for him, provide emotional and spiritual development and see that his basic needs are met. This mother does not participate in school projects, costume making or exposure to loud noises- such as parades or monster truck races. Those needs will be met by father, or hired out. All hair cuts and shoe shopping shall also fall under father's responsibilities. In the event that the child becomes sick, mother will cease any other normal functions and see completely to the care of the child, and shall be expected to accomplish normal daily tasks on an "as able" basis, such as cooking dinner, doing laundry, taking a shower, etc. As the child ages, morning hours shall change to reflect the mother's need to sleep and the child's ability to help himself to a bowl of cheerios and turn on cartoons for an hour. Mother will create and maintain traditions for the child, such as Sunday morning pancakes, but all traditions are subject to revision as seen fit by the mother. Mother always shares with father: doctor visits, parent-teacher conferences, Christmas Eve construction jobs, interviewing potential team members (ie, babysitters and coaches). Mother receives one night a month and two weekends a year "off duty" paid leave. Mother always chooses a restaurant to be taken to on Mother's Day for lunch. Mother gets first pick of photo opp's upon completion of raising child at high school graduation. And in the year following release of child into adulthood, Mother shall be given the option to take a trip to Europe.

Now, I'm not saying this reflects my particular job description, but I will say I don't do parades. The bottom line is every mom is unique and has parts of the job she does really well and other parts she can't tolerate. Recognizing which parts you need to hand off to dad/grandparents or hire out frees you up to enjoy and excel in the areas you love. And deciding ahead of time it's okay to have some basic "hours" gives you the mental break needed to endure. 

A new thought for me on thanks

Read a quote today I liked in keeping with the facebook "Thankful November" theme so many of my friends are participating in:

"I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder." -G.K. Chesterton

Today has not started off as my favorite. It was incredibly cold so I waited to go work out till after I took Emma to school, which has thrown off my usual morning-before-long-work-day routine. My sweet middle son is still home sick with strep throat and that means I will leave him here with a TV tray stocked with meds and drinks, but still, fending for himself for the afternoon. I am feeling a tiny, little bit run down myself, but am refusing to give that much thought as we are heading to Thanksgiving and I cannot even entertain the notion of missing out on the fun and spending my 5 days off work in bed. (shudder)

So when I came across this quote it stopped me in my tracks for a second. I'm not feeling overly thankful or grateful today, yet this way of looking at "thanks" as a form of thought was uplifting- thanks is more than a specific thought- it is a way of thinking. And when I consider gratitude as happiness doubled by wonder it resonates. It is full of wonder indeed, that God loves me. That in fact, though I am not deserving, He sent His Son Jesus, to die in my place and give me credit for His perfect life. All to reconcile me back to God. There has never been more wonderful news. When I frame my thoughts through that wonderful news- well, my happiness and thankfulness seem to inflate. To rise up in me and expose many more blessings my heart might tend to miss when I simply try to find something in the current moment to give thanks for. 

Titus Two 4 U - Needs vs. Wants

I was so happy to get an extra hour of sleep this morning! Resetting my clocks after daylight savings time ends is quite thrilling. It's 7am- wait, no, it's only 6am!! I am always thinking if I could just add a 25th hour to my day it'd be "perfect". (Which I realize is like saying, essentially, God should have added an extra hour to the whole earth rotation, which I'm pretty sure fringes on heretical) Anyway, that whole inner dialogue got me thinking about how often I say "I need _________" but when I break it down, it's really not true. I want ___________. But I don't need it. Sometimes it's "stuff" I think I need. But my current "shopping fast" is proving to me it's not true. (Let me add, as a side note, this is becoming VERY challenging as we approach holidays!! I keep forgetting, truly. Then I remember. Then I have to remind myself why this seemed like a good idea.) Sometimes it's things for my kids. Sometimes it's more rest or less stress. Sometimes I think I need more fun in my life. But God was bringing to mind the verse in Proverbs 31 about the wife of noble character last night, and a thought hit me. One of the reasons her family is so taken care of is she prepares for their needs.

I think as an American mama, I sometimes get it backward. I am busy preparing for wants, then the needs get pushed to the back. My kids want fun, new stuff, food they like, time to play. They need spiritual guidance, emotionally present parents, nutritious food/basic clothing. Now these are not necessarily opposed to one another. Sometimes I can provide all of them. But, when I can't do it all, the needs should trump the wants. It's easier to see this with my kids than myself however.

I need daily time with Jesus- I want to surf facebook or blog. I need nutritious food- I want dark chocolate and diet coke. I need meaningful relationships with other women who speak truth and love me well- I want friends who like me and are impressed with my efforts. I need a husband who loves me unconditionally- I want a husband who agrees with me.  I need to get a good night's sleep- I want all the dishes out of the sink or the floor vacuumed. Again, these are not always opposed to one another. But too often I choose what I want over what I need. So as we are in the month of Thankfulness I want to take a minute to thank God for meeting my needs. And ask for His help in choosing to take that portion of provision instead of passing over it to find what I want.