Maintenance

I have not always been anxious about interstate driving. At least, I don't think I have. But 11 years ago, after moving to the Nashville area I had an incident. (I'd like to call it a hideous debacle, but that seems a little dramatic) Anyway, 11 years ago this gal was"pre-cell phone, pre-GPS" so navigating was dependent upon good directions and an internal compass that did not lead you astray. (My internal compass has always been askew. I have often said if I ever get lost in a forest, PLEASE come get me- I'll just wander in circles until a bear or at the very least, the mosquitoes, eat me alive). Anyway, I was trying to get home from Nashville back to my little suburb of the world at night, in the rain and somehow I couldn't reverse the directions properly and went the wrong way on I-40. It took me about 20 minutes to realize I was going the wrong way as I had never made this trip before. Then there were gigantic, evil semi's flying up on my tail and I couldn't slow down to see the exits very well, and when I finally found an exit with a return on-ramp I was almost out of gas. I had to pull off onto a sketchy looking exit where the gas station had bars on the windows and lots of shady characters were skulking around to get some gas and pray someone non-evil would give me real directions back to my home. (Is your heart pounding or is it just me?)

Fast forward 11 years. I have driven back and forth to Nashville 14 times in the past three weeks with my mom-in-law in the hospital. Can I do it? Yep. Is it partial misery? Yep. So today, I have begun my own personal little War on Driving Anxiety. It's called EMDR and I am delighted. It's a wonderful therapy used primarily to treat PTSD and other anxiety related issues. We offer it at Branches where I work and I have been saying for years now that I need to do it, but then it'll get a little better and I won't. I have to admit I tend to not be very good at maintenance. When something becomes a big problem I deal with it, but the little nagging things I often let go. I'm realizing though, those little nagging things often rob the joy from my life.

So here is my woman-to-woman encouragement for you: take care of yourself. Go to the doctor and get a check-up. Go to the dentist. (Haven't been in 18 years or so and I'm going this summer!) Deal with that stuff in your childhood you've never talked about but it keeps you stuck. Join the Y, or Weight Watchers or just take a walk and get moving. Write that apology letter that's been on your mind for years. Set your alarm clock for 15 minutes earlier than your kids get up so you can have one cup of coffee in peace to start your day. Buy a new bra. (You know you need one- we all do.) Read your Bible. Call your best friend. You'll be able to give and serve well as you care for and nourish your own body, heart and spirit.

The Art of Receiving

(This blog inspired by a conversation with a lovely young college friend at Steak and Shake recently)

If you have a cute little garden you'd like to nurture, you put a fence up. This is supposed to keep dogs and dandelions and random neighborhood children out, so that good stuff can grow. But let's say you aren't much of an expert in gardening. Or maybe you don't have a lot of money to buy all the plants you want to make your yard cute. Well, then you put a gate in your fence to open it and let your gardening friends come in and bring you begonias or iris bulbs. And let them tell you how to weed, water and care for your yard. Maybe they'll even pull a weed or two.

This is an excellent system, unless you open the gate to let dogs in, and close it when friends come by to help. Who would do that, you ask?

Women. We do it all the time. It's called having reverse boundaries. We let the bad into our minds and hearts and lives. Then we close the gate when the good comes knocking. You know, a friend tells you how great your hair looks and you say, "No it's awful" (close the gate) but your child says "Mom, you are looking really old" and you ponder on that statement all day (open the gate). A friend asks how they can help you during a hard time and you say "oh we're fine- we don't need anything" (close the gate) but your boss asks if you can work late, without pay, after you are already tired out from a really long week and you say "Sure, no problem" (open the gate)

Part of learning to live well, involves learning when to open and close the gate. Today my focus is on the opening part. God has so much to say in His word about how much He loves us. Often though we won't even receive God's love into our hearts because we're holding on to shame and guilt that was paid for at the cross. After we finally allow God's love in through accepting Jesus' gift, God, I believe, reaches out to us through other people He puts into our lives as well. When people see a goodness or gifting or likable part of you, and they offer some compliment or encouragement, do you know what the healthiest response is: Thank you.

That's it. Just say thank you and allow the good to come in. Open the gate. It's amazing how allowing the good in really changes us. (I give this as therapy homework all the time, by the way, so if you take the challenge it's like free therapy.)

And while I'm at it, let me just say thank you to you for reading my blog! I'm so surprised by how many people have been reading my ramblings, but I am grateful to have a way to share my journey in womanhood with you, and am always excited when you share a bit of yours with me!