thoughts about thoughts

On Disney channel last night, I heard a kid singing a song about "people who blog about people who blog about other people's blogs." I'm slow on the uptake so I had to talk that one out a minute: "ok, the people write a blog, about other people who write about other people's blogs... wait, wait, wait. The first people are writing about another group...." I got it eventually. Kind of funny, once my head quit hurting. Life Vicarious x3.

There is a lot to see and learn in blog world. There are conventions and on-line classes you can take. That's for the people making money from their blogs, presumably. Then there are tons of educational, inspirational, crafty, yummy and otherwise interesting blogs. Then we have Millinery. I don't really know why I decided to start blogging. One day I just began writing down all these inner conversations I've been having for years with myself. I'm not normally a creature given to bursts of randomness. I am more of a happy little hamster on a wheel. So, I am operating out of my element in this venture. Here is what my 3+ months of blogging has taught me thus far:

Jesus is a part of every aspect of my life, but not always my central focus
my kids dominate large parts of my thinking and doing
everyday mundane moments are not
I often feel torn between working and homemaking
I really enjoy opening up my life to others
there is a deep passion inside me to inspire women to be everything God created them to be
I'm kind of funny
writer's block is frustrating
you can pronounce Millinery better with a british accent
God's word has something to say about everything we face

So, that's my update. I am truly enjoying this little way of sharing life my life with you. Thanks for reading! 

Cosmic Tweaks to One Mama's World

It's 4:30 am and I'm awake. First thought: insomnia is stupid. Second thought: I will need so much coffee tomorrow. Third thought: why can't I function on 5 hours of sleep? Which led to lots of thoughts about what I wish I could alter about reality. Now call me unimaginative or uncreative, but I don't want to drastically alter reality. Nothing like, we stop aging at 26, or behavior has no consequences or I can shoot lasers from my eyes at will. I mean, that's not realistic! I'd just like to make some minor cosmic adjustments to a few laws of the universe. A little tweaking, if you will. So here we go:

List of Wishful Adjustments to Reality Inspired by Insomnia

1. it was impossible to EVER get sick after giving birth to children
2. I could flip some switch in my head that allowed me to completely tune out clutter, or children whining
3. diet coke, mac-n-cheese and brownie sundaes were chock full of nutrition
4. talking burned tons of calories and worked my heart out
5. you could load up on a good night's sleep and that would carry you a week at a time
6. I could pick a few times a week to actually exist in two places at once
7. my husband could read my mind when I wanted him to, but otherwise not so much
8. that on really busy weeks I could ask for more than 24 hours in a day, and get them
9.  my driver's van window just started working again tomorrow
10. it was possible to DVR my kids lives
11. once you learned to hula hoop, you never lost the groove
12. I could scold, shame or "ground" my uterus into behaving properly
13. I always remembered my sweater when going grocery shopping
14. sometimes I could get an actual hug from God
15. if awakened by insomnia, productive activity ensued

You've gotta admit, it'd be nice.......

Superpowers

Recently went to see the movie The Avengers. I loved it- it was everything I enjoy in a summer movie. I'm a super-hero movie kind of gal. Good guys vs. Bad guys + cool effects and great one liners + perilous "how-will-they-make-it-in-time" moments = fun for Debi. But it got me thinking about super hero powers and how my kids have always enjoyed role playing those powers.

Here's what I think is interesting: when God created us He created us in His image. So, there are parts of who God is that He embedded within us. He is creator- we have the power of creativity. He is love- we have the power to love. There are other parts He did not give us. He is all knowing- but I cannot read minds (even though my kids say otherwise sometimes) He is all powerful- but I cannot move buildings or stop hurricanes. Now I think we can all be thankful that God did not disperse the all-powerful part, because the world is already pretty broken without teenage boys hurling mountains about to impress girls. (and you know they would) Have you ever wondered though, why God doesn't give us the ability to forget? The Bible says He can choose to forget, or remember no more, specifically related to our sin. But we cannot. Try as hard as you like but you will not be able to intentionally pick and choose memories to delete from the files in your brain. I am always wishing I could though. Some, simply because they seem to be irrelevant and wasting space- like, who needs to remember The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner from the 6th grade?!? But other memories are dark, heavy or painful, and I'd like to "remember them no more" as well.

God built into us a safety system, if you will. The reason He does not allow us to forget, I believe, is we live in this broken world. If we forget, we put ourselves in danger of being hurt over and over again. You know why I don't put my hand on a red hot burner? I've been burned before, lesson learned. You know why I don't trust people who lie to me? I've been burned before, lesson learned. But there is another, even greater purpose to my remembering: compassion. When I stay connected to memories of my pain, it moves me when I see others hurting. In every place where my heart has been hurt and broken by sin or catastrophe or even my own foolish choices, I have empathy for others as they face similar struggles.

God in His wisdom did not leave us with hearts full of memories to drown in though. The balm for  those wounds is forgiveness. When I forgive I am reconnected to God's goodness to me. I do not forgive because people deserve it. They don't. I forgive because I did not deserve it, but received it freely at the cross. Every time I am tempted to become self-righteous and judgmental of others who hurt me, the Gospel reminds me that I was all those same things toward my God and yet He loved me so much He was willing to die in my place. Also when I forgive, I set myself free. Forgiveness is not letting the guilty "off the hook" but rather "setting a prisoner free and finding out the prisoner was you". Unforgiveness keeps me tied to my hurt; forgiveness cuts the tie that keeps me anchored.