Style and Acceptance

I enjoy being a stylish girl. I really do. But I find that I am always a little slow with catching up to whatever the newest "look" is. When flat ironed hair came "in" about 12 years ago, I was still getting spiral perms. When pointed-toe shoes came in, I was still loving my snub-nosed clogs from 2 seasons before.  And when belts made a huge come back, well, I'm still getting used to them- I currently only own one and I'm not convinced I'm wearing it right.

I have to really watch how people are wearing the latest look and study it and watch blog outfit posts to gain the confidence to try it. I think I lack an innate sense of style, so I mimic others. I would have been kicked off Project Runway immediately. (which would have been fine with me because there seem to be unnecessarily high levels of drama involved in every episode.....)

As a teenager, I could disguise this lack of style awareness by spending large amounts of time shopping and paying attention to others. When I first had babies, I went through a period of not really caring about staying current in fashion, because I just figured, "oh well, I'm a mom now and that doesn't matter". Then when I was suddenly single again, I got concerned about how "dated" I looked and how that might affect "dating". I got remarried and have spent my late 20's through late 30's trying to figure out what my style is, and how to be current without being too young or too trendy. I'm too busy to spend hours trolling the internet or reading magazines. If I had to give my style a label it might be "cute and girly meets classic off the clearance rack" I find myself asking:

 at what age do I stop wearing actual shorts? can I shop at Forever 21? Is it really ok for my bra straps to show a bit from under my tank top straps? How long are we going to be "belting" because I don't want to buy a bunch of belts if they'll be "out" in a season or two. Are skinny jeans already out, or can I keep wearing them? 

I realize none of these thoughts are very deep or particularly life altering. They are simply reflection of the fact that I have never outgrown the desire to be lovely or stylish. What I have (thankfully) learned is that my acceptability and worth cannot be fulfilled by achieving either desire. I listened to some friends today talking about the struggle to feel acceptable in their own skin, after babies or age catching up with them or simply because they are overweight currently. It struck me as we all talked that being lovely is a good desire- but unless you believe you are already seen in that light be the One who will always love you perfectly, insecurities will surface. One of the good gifts of aging is the greater acceptance of myself for who God made me to be- small, curvy, girly. And style challenged. 

Totally Terrific Tuesday

Reasons in no particular order that Tuesday was good:

1. I got to go work out with my two teenage sons at 5:30 am, which means a. I have two children God has blessed me to love for 17 and 15 years respectively b. both are healthy enough to work out c. both are motivated and have goals d. they like me enough to be seen with me (at least by the 13 other people at the Y)

2. My energy lasted all day. As my friend Doris says, Thank-the-lujah!

3. During my shopping fast I'm being forced to think outside the box about my outfits. Today I pulled off a new one that was, as a bonus, totally comfy for my long day.

4. My friends are having an adoption benefit to raise money for their adoption from Colombia. This excites me. I enjoy thinking about what wonderful parents they will be. I also enjoy thinking about how adoption is a beautiful picture of the gospel. They have been waiting for two years on this process- anything that feels like it moves them forward is good.

5. My friend at work did beautifully in her surgery yesterday and the doctors caught the cancer early. (Still praying for her total recovery)

6. My husband is handling planning my birthday. I do not feel like planning my own this year, so I am delighted.

7. Gave Emma the photo of Welly the cat curled up on a suitcase (which is his very favorite thing to sleep on) that my parents developed, even adding a soft focus effect (hilarious). Emma was delighted and made immediate plans to hang the picture in her locker at school for all to see her beloved cat.

8. Gorgeous, flaming red sugar maple tree I see on my way to work. (love, love, love fall!)

9. Was reminded today that it's never too late to change your thinking or habits. The line from the Switchfoot song went rumbling through my head- "This is your life. Are you who you wanna be?" I'm so thankful that God has done so much transformation in my thinking which has led to changes in the way I feel and act. I like who I am becoming, and I feel free to admit I have so much work yet to do.

10. French Onion Chicken for dinner. Healthy, frugal and tasty= my kind of dinner!

Titus Two 4 U - Spider Webs

It's October and I'm feeling inspired by all the creepy decor popping up around town. Currently I'm staring at a web that is attached on one side to my living room lamp and the other side to my living room wall. I have no idea how long this little web has been there but to make myself feel better, I shall assume it was created overnight, and not three weeks ago. Here's the interesting thing about spiders in Tennessee- they are shockingly fast at creating their webs! One time I left my car window down over night, and I kid you not, the entire window was filled with a web in the morning when I went to get in my car. Not only are they fast- they are persistent. I had this one spider (I assume it was one- maybe it was several which would explain a lot, but ruin the example, so..... let's move on) that would create a new web every day after I would knock the old one off my mailbox. Every day. For a really long time- maybe a year. I'd go out to get the mail, brush off the web and go inside. Next day, I'd go back out to get the mail, and new web. Exact same spot. It was a battle of wills with that spider. I think I won- it's hard to be sure with spiders.

So, these industrious Tennessee spiders got me thinking about life. Here's the thing: spiders just do what they're made to do, regardless of the result. Knock down their web and they will build another one. No gripping about how hard they worked or how awful failure feels. No pouting or complaining or saying "I quit!" They just keep right on making their webs.

In my life, sometimes I have worked really, really hard trying to follow God's leading, only to feel like all my efforts were for naught. The relationship didn't get better, the checkbook is still crazy tight, the kids are still going through whatever stage of rebellion or frustration, the laundry- oh the laundry! You know what I mean. It's as if all the hard work and emotional energy and conversations and planning and praying have not quite succeeded in accomplishing the beautiful "web" my mind was set on. It's sad, and hard and it makes me want to shake my fist in the air (Scarlet O'Hara style) and say "I quit!" But what that really shows is I am most concerned with the results of my life- not the process. God however, is more about the  process. Excuse the stretch here but it's kind of like Mr. Miagi in Karate Kid. Ralph Machio is so mad about having to "wax on- wax off" and "paint the fence" he wants to quit. It all seems so pointless as his goal is to learn some tricks he can use to keep from getting beat up on a regular basis, but Mr. Miagi is teaching him everything he needs, even though he can't see it.

So, sweet friends, keep doing what God made you to do. Be the wife, mom, friend, worker, sister, daughter, aunt that God has called you to be. Mostly and mainly, be a worshipper of Him! Perseverance, the Bible says, produces character, which in turns produces hope. You don't get hopeful by giving up and throwing in the towel. You get there by continuing to do the next right thing, over and over and over, until one day your character is changed. And it is in that change that hope appears.