In process.....

One of the things I say all the time in counseling is "It's a process." People usually hate it, because I say it when they are frustrated at how hard therapy is and how long it takes to be better. I also just say it because it's true. And because my amazing clients need encouragement. It's a reminder that just because I know something doesn't mean it always translates in my behavior or thoughts or feelings. It takes a lot of trying and failing to begin living a new way. And sometimes the biggest part of the process is just learning what I didn't know. All in all, lots of process in the therapy world.

In my real life, it's not much different. Various stages of "getting closer to being done" all around me. My kids are in the process of growing up, so I'm in the process of letting go. My marriage is in the process of growing deeper, so I'm in the process of learning to love sacrificially. My house is in multiple levels of repaired and broken and needs to be updated. My laundry is in the process of getting caught up after a 2 week absence of working washing machine. My body is in the process of aging and fighting aging. My mind is in the process of being transformed. In all these varied processes I sometimes lose focus. I get distracted by the steps and discouraged by my feelings. This is the verse that gets me back on track, every time:

"I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering; becoming like Him in his death and so, somehow to attain the resurrection from the dead." (Phil. 3:10)

As I mentioned in a blog 2 days ago, I'm not part of the tatoo craze sweeping the nation, but if I was I would tatoo Philippians 3:10 on me somewhere. Instead I've memorized it, quoted and re-quoted it and claimed it as my life verse. I used to be content to know about Christ- but that doesn't bring you peace. Or lasting joy. Or a changed life. What I have come to realize is it is ONLY in knowing Christ that I make sense of this world around me. As I experience His love shown through the cross, I understand the need to suffer. As I learn to willingly follow in suffering, I begin to experience power. Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. That was a great day. The crowds were excited to call out for a Savior on that day. Soon after, they would turn on Him, and he would experience His greatest suffering. But 3 days after that, He would display power like the world had never seen. So I attempt to follow the process Christ laid out for me. Join Him in suffering to the point of dying to myself, then watch Him resurrect life in me. Over and over. Until He returns and process is complete.

"He who began a good work in you, will carry it on unto completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6)

Haggeling

So there is always a colorful mix of people who wander in and out of my garage sales. I have had so many garage sales through the years for mission fundraisers, that I now have "regulars". They come up and say things like, "I was at your sale last year when you had that huge box of CD's for sale" or "Didn't you have knives for sale last time?" (as though I should try to be more consistent in my offerings, I suppose) and "I was here two years ago when your neighbor came out yelling" (her driveway was blocked by too many cars and she had a bit of a moment- I have taken to giving my neighbors advanced warning to prevent future "moments")

Today was easy-breezy. Great weather, tons of shoppers, several friends came and spent time hanging out. I was thinking as I sat bagging up huge piles of clothes for people, I am so blessed. Blessed because of the beautiful home I live in. Blessed by friends who all rallied around my "Get-Debi-A-Washing-Machine" cause and brought me stuff to add to my pile. Blessed to have health and energy to pull off a big sale. Blessed by my husband who is not only supportive of my little ventures, but brags about me and expresses his thankfulness, which certainly makes the hard work feel more worth it. Blessed by the opportunity to teach my kids about how to deal with money and faith as they intersect. Blessed to have so much "stuff" that I can get rid of enough to pay for a new washing machine. Blessed to live in a really neat community.

Mainly I feel blessed to have come to a place in my walk with God where I know all those blessings are not more important than His plan. His glory. His work in me. Sometimes I have easy-breezy days and I know they are reflections of God's goodness. And sometimes I have difficult, painful and hard days- and these too are reflections of God's goodness in other forms. It's much, much harder to be thankful for the difficult days, mind you. I'm not claiming to have that part down yet. But I KNOW that all those days are still God's goodness in my life, as He changes and molds and refines me. It's a good place to be.

Speaking of good places, I'm sitting in my favorite chair with my Welly, watching Emma walk around on these "pogo" type walkers she rescued from the sale today. 

My little secret

I just love watching someone pay me 50 cents for an item I would throw out. I love purging closets, drawers and cabinets. I love collecting a bunch of "junk" folding, hanging and pricing it. And mainly, I love watching that pile of junk turn into a small (or sizable) wad of cash.

Garage sales.

I do not love the way my back hurts from all the bending over or getting up at the crack of dawn hauling tables and boxes onto the driveway. But it's worth it. This year, the hubs and I are attempting to pay cash for everything. No financing of purchases, big or small. So, when the washing machine died, and the savings is currently going to buy the 16 year old a car, we decided a garage sale is the best way to get my laundry room up and running again. I already had a little bit set aside toward the washer (I had started  fund when I added the last batch of duct tape- seemed like the prudent thing to do) so over the next two days my goal is to make $413. I've already priced the washer we want, so that's the balance left to cover.

I will tell you, garage sales give me some fun stories and my kids have lots of memories of helping me with them. Sometimes I let them sell stuff and make money- sometimes it all goes for the common good cause. Kyler used to use his own money to buy cookie dough, then he'd bake and sell cookies. Klynt would buy about half of them. Kyler made a killing in cookie sales. Emma would use her own money to buy back stuff from the sale. I had to put a limit on it eventually. (Emma, is known in some circles as a pack rat.) And Scott helps me get it all set up then leaves because he can't take watching me sell our stuff at such bargain prices. (Scott, in some circles, is also known as a pack rat.)

(As an unrelated side note, Klynt just came down to tell me he has no clean socks or boxers for tomorrow. Lovely. That machine can't come soon enough!)

Okay, bloggy friends, wish me luck! Say a prayer for the Get-Debi-A-Washing-Machine cause. I'll update on results tomorrow.

writer's block

well, I have been sitting her trying to write a blog for 40 minutes, and I think after 15 days of blogging I have finally hit a wall. Writer's block. I've been laughing about how much I have found to say over the past 2 weeks, because one of my fears in starting a blog was running out of things to talk about. But now I'm stumped. 

And tired- it was a long afternoon at work. Wednesday's I work from 1-8 and I love it, but I am usually exhausted when I get home and I think today I used up all my words. So, in light of this lack of inspiration, let me just skate by with a thank you. I have had so much encouragement from those of you reading this blog, and I really feel blessed by that. I honestly don't know exactly why I felt the need to begin a blog, but I do feel God directed me in some way to begin and I pray He uses it for all our good and for His glory. My favorite part has been observing my life through the lens of writing about it- it has given me new perspective on myself in the process. Also, I like watching my stats that tell me how many people have read each post and where they are from. (I'm geeky like that.) Oh and I love the comments, so feel free to add your thoughts anytime!

ok, that's it. for tonight. I'll leave you with a picture of my family, just cause I love them and it's a great picture!

Being the "Old People" at our new church

I have officially crossed into new territory. In the past two weeks, two different women have approached me to talk about parenting advice with their toddlers. They both commented that they thought I might have some wisdom on the subject, since my kids are all big.

My kids are all big. (??!!)

So, that means, I am now in the "older and wiser" category. I like it, but it doesn't seem possible. I have been young and inexperienced and intimidated and confused and excited and BUSY for as long as I can remember. But, here I am with teenagers and  nine year old. And a middle aged husband. (He will be so mad if he reads this, by the way. He refers to birthdays as "hurling toward death." For real.) I really don't mind being more experienced, more wrinkled, more mushy or more "classic" than these really cute 20-somethings we are building community with. I think they are authentic, passionate, energetic and delightful. Oh and tatooed. That is a particular fad I am completely not a part of. Much to my children's delight, because they would be beyond mortified if I was the mom with tatoo's. They were mortified when I started wearing fake nails. My children are odd sometimes.

Ok, so here's what I think: the Bible says the older women are to teach the younger women. And while being "old" at this church is relative as I am only 38 and intend to be alive at least another 55 years or so, Lord willing, I am older in the faith than most of the women I am surrounded by. I have been walking with Jesus since I was 11. So, for 27 years I've been in process of transformation. Sometimes I have embraced it, sometimes I have ignored it, sometimes I have rebelled. And God just keeps right on working on me. (Thankful!)

So, all of this to say, if you read this and you are younger than 38 or younger than 27 years in the faith, and you have always wanted someone to bounce spiritual/practical/relational stuff off of, feel free. I can share what I've learned, I can offer encouragement and mainly I can point you back to Jesus. To freedom and healing that the Gospel brings.

Hugs to all my sisters in the faith!

Girlfriends

This is a Valentine one of my sweet friends gave me for fun. It sits in my desk at Branches. I am the kind of grown-up woman who still enjoys getting a good "school exchange" Valentine. You know, the kind with the little heart sticker you fold over either side of it to keep it together?

I love this card for two reasons: it says we're the best of friends, which is precious. I realize that even as a grown-up woman, I still have insecurity with my friends from time to time. "Do they really like me or are they just being nice?" It's funny how hard those little lies are to outgrow. In the past, I felt more confident in relationships where I thought people "needed" me but when I perceived us to be on equal footing, my insecurities surfaced. (This is called codependency by the way, and one day I shall blog long and eloquently about this subject as I know it well.) Since I no longer allow myself to "rescue" people, I currently have women friends who I respect, think highly of and realize they in no way "need" me- they just see value in me and chose to love me. It feels good, and occasionally exposes those cracks of insecurity from years of believing unhealthy things. Still it is such a blessing to be loved by my friends, warts and all.

The other thing I love about this Valentine is it's characters from the Wizard of Oz! I grew up loving that movie!!!! A. Somewhere Over the Rainbow is just so fabulous. Martina McBride has a recording of it on her album that I find it utterly impossible to not sing along with. B. Glittery Ruby Slippers. (double love) C. Such a great story about friendship and following dreams and how cool short people are. (This is a loose interpretation, but if you know me, you'll get that part.) D. I have been foolish. I have been cowardly. I have been unloved. I have been lost, and in need of someone to point me in the right direction. I have had a mask on to fool people into thinking I was something I wasn't because I was sure who I was wouldn't be enough. And, in truth I have been wicked. So I relate to all the characters. (Except Toto.) And I will tell you, in most of these times God has used my friends to give me the courage I needed to face the day. Or to tell me the truth so I could grow in wisdom. Or to love me when I wasn't sure I had anything to love them back with. And on and on. The one thing my friends couldn't do for me was exchange my wicked self for a lovely one, so He sent Jesus. 

So if you are my real life friend, thank you. I love you truly. If you are my blog-friend, thank you. I share a lot of "real" on here and I find it surprising that people are reading this. By the way, if you are the kind readers from Germany, United Kingdom, Russia or the Netherlands- hello from America and just so you know I imagine you reading this with your cool accents!

Adjustments

So I've had one of those weeks where it was time to make a family adjustment. You know that moment when you realize, "This is NOT working." The newest aha moment involved our family system surrounding food. The shopping, eating and complaining about food specifically. In truth, I'm not sure we had a definite system before that anyone was aware of, except me.

Best Coffee Mug Ever

This is my favorite coffee mug of all time. Sometimes at work in dealing with clients I feel like Jerry Maguire- "Help me, help you!" (Does anyone even remember that movie? I have a love/hate relationship with that movie I'll have to post about at another time.) Anyway, when a client seems to be unmotivated, unwilling or resistant to making a new/healthier/Godlier/legal(?!) choice I imagine myself quietly sipping coffee with the slogan turned toward them. I can only imagine Moses, Deborah, Samuel, Peter and Paul had feelings and thoughts similar to this sentiment. With my family, I actually say this. So imagine my surprise to open my Christmas stocking from my parents (yes, I get a stocking from them still) and find this mug among the goodies.