My Favorite Hymn- for Easter!

In Christ Alone, My Hope Is Found

He Is My Light, My Strength, My Song

This Cornerstone, This Solid Ground

Firm Through The Fiercest Drought And Storm

What Heights Of Love, What Depths Of Peace

When Fears Are Stilled, When Strivings Cease

My Comforter, My All-in-all

Here In The Love Of Christ I Stand

There In The Ground His Body Lay

Light Of The World By Darkness Slain

Then Bursting Forth In Glorious Day

Up From The Grave He Rose Again
And As He Stands In Victory

Sin's Curse Has Lost Its Grip On Me

For I Am His And He Is Mine

Bought With The Precious Blood Of Christ

No Guilt In Life, No Fear In Death

This Is The Power Of Christ In Me

From Life's First Cry To Final Breath

Jesus Commands My Destiny

No Power Of Hell, No Scheme Of Man

Can Ever Pluck Me From His Hand

Till He Returns Or Calls Me Home

Here In The Power Of Christ I'll Stand

Good Friday and Art

Where to begin? I just returned home from a day in Nashville with my husband, 3 kids and 2 parents. It really was a fun day, but if you could have been a fly on the wall with us at the art museum.....

My dad loves art. All kinds, but especially tropical, jungle type of landscapes and also good use of color. There was a little bit to suit his fancy. My mom prefers Norman Rockwell. There was no Rockwell to be seen. There was a photography/videography exhibit that we all thought was just plain odd. Kyler- well, he spent most of the experience plotting how he could be an art thief if he was that kind of person, which he is not. Klynt was beyond mortified by the entire experience. Klynt, at 14, does not have a sophisticated pallet, shall we say. He kept making references to how he felt he had walked into a cult of some sort, and that he could have painted better art with his eyes closed. Stuff like that. Scott was unimpressed in general and gave the exhibit a D-. Emma walked in each room admiring the paintings, she twirled some, interpreted meaning for her brothers, twirled a little more and reported on facts she read on each work. She was clearly in her element. I mostly enjoyed watching my family react to the experience although there was one painting that really caught my eye.

It was called The Rescue. Forgive me for forgetting the artist. But the painting struck me, because the focus was on the person preparing to go rescue- not the unseen "victim". It was a man, shown from the back walking up a hill clearly with intention. The artist, I thought, captured the urgency and intensity of the man in such a way that I wanted to follow him up the hill to see what was happening.

It never ceases to humble and awe me that I have been rescued. On this Good Friday, I am so deeply grateful to know both how much I needed to be saved, and to know that I am. But rather than focusing on my role on the story, the painting reminded me, my focus needs to remain on The Rescuer. The writer of Hebrews says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him, endured the cross...." So, after a very busy day of enjoying time with family, as I settle in for the night, I am returning my focus to that most important moment of sacrifice and rescue that Jesus endured to rescue my sin-sick soul. 

Top 10 Easter Delights

10. big, yummy Easter lunch at my house this year with both sets of grandparents
9. dying Easter eggs with the fam (we go old school Paas, but we also use crayons to color designs before we dye them)
8. deviled eggs, carrot cake, ham
7. all the cute chick and bunny stuff everywhere, including Emma's bunny ears
6. Easter candy- Reese's eggs are my favorite followed by jelly beans
5. tulips, daffodils and orchids blooming all over town
4. Easter Sunday service- this is our first year celebrating with our new church family and I'm excited
3. Being the Easter Bunny for my kids who at 16, 14 and almost 9, still love their baskets
2. My parents being here with us for all the festivities this weekend
1. The Death, Burial and Resurrection of Jesus and how that changed everything, including my life.

Girl Scout Beanie

When I was young, I was in Girl Scouts for one year. It was a pretty good experience overall- I liked earning badges and wearing the uniform. Hated selling cookies but pretended to like it because everyone else seemed so excited about "cookie sales". Anyway, the one thing I learned in Scouts that I never forgot was this little song:

"Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other gold."


As my husband will tell you, once I learn lyrics, I can't forget them even if I want to. So, I taught the song to Emma one time when she was sad about having to make new friends in school and just wanted to keep her old friends. (She found that whole lesson irritating, by the way.) Today I found myself humming the tune. Sort of out of the blue, but I realized I have been really thinking about my friendships lately. I am in a new season: I have older, established relationships that are good and healthy, but I rarely see due to distance or our recent church change. Then I also have brand spanking new "I don't know your history or even your address" friends at my new church that I want to develop. Plus I have sweet friends I work with I want to maintain and invest in. So, as there are only 24 hours in a day, and I currently spend a large portion of those working, sleeping, being with my family or (let's face it) blogging- well that only leaves so much time for getting together with people.

It's a dilemma. Can I hang on to all of them? And am I supposed to? I really don't love the letting go in friendships, but I realize that there are very few relationships you can carry at a deep level your whole life. Most of them fall into seasons. Those were high school friends, college friends, friends from my old neighborhood, my old church, my last job. The problem for me I suppose, is once I love someone, even if it's time to transition into something new, I still love them. Which means I still want to keep up with their life, pray for them, tell their kids Happy Birthday, bring them dinner when they're sick, grab coffee- you know, be friends. Yep, it's a dilemma.

I'm not sure I've really come to a firm conclusion about who I hang on to, how I love people I don't see very much or what the balance is between silver and gold. For now, I just pray for all the amazing women I love. I thank God for the dilemma, because I feel blessed deeply to have so many friends. Today I had lunch with a new friend and got a voice mail from my oldest and dearest friend. Silver and Gold. Both good, both a grace from God.

Or for the Brain Regan fans like myself, both favorites. 

My reasons to move to Australia

Well, it's official. Alexander and I are moving to Australia as soon as I get these sugar cookies done tonight. Do you know the book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, Very Bad, No Good Day? It's a classic in my house. I adore Alexander and his scowl. I feel like Alexander currently, scowl and all. Here's the recap: I had a complete tearful meltdown with my oldest today because he made a joke about how "when things break at our house, we just live with them till we get around to fixing them" referring to his brace that snapped in half Saturday. Now, I know:

a. he was just kidding
b. it's not true, we wait to fix things when we don't have the money, but otherwise we get right on it

however, I still burst into tears, because deep down I sometimes feel really sad when our money is so tight I can't "get right on" fixing something that is broken. Or even worse when I tell my child, for example, we are getting him a car for his 16th birthday, but then our van engine explodes and we have to fix that instead and can't get him the car for 6 months. Sigh.

Additionally, I have been having dumb uterus issues for a month now. (By the way, my middle child says "the word uterus is awful and why do I have to use it and why can't I just say I have cramps like a normal mom?") I have something called adnomyosis (which is probably not how it's spelled but I'm too irritable to care right now) that causes a plethera of uncomfortable symptoms I shall spare you the details of.

Plus, my middle child and I had a show down about his hideous moccasons that make him look like a hobo (for real) and he told me "I was uptight" and "no one else's mom would care if her kid wore these shoes" and I had to stand my ground because he was both being disrespectful and stubborn, which was the right thing to do, but exhausting after 5 clients in a row this morning.

Then when I went to buy Easter plates, there were none at the 2 stores I went to. And when I got home, no one had started dinner so we had to eat an hour late. Plus, Scott fell asleep at 6:30 because he worked all day in a hot warehouse and was completely exhausted so I had no time for visiting with him and I didn't see him yesterday because I worked till 8:30 and came home and went to bed because I was exhausted. But before going to sleep he did take the time to show me the bible verse written on our little plate that says, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart- I have overcome the world." Which is of course a beautiful promise, but I'm not exactly in the frame of mind to receive it, which makes me feel even more like pitiful Alexander.

So, there you have it. My testimony today is God loves me even when I'm whiny and complainy and grumpy and hormonal- which proves He is a great God, because even I don't love me when I'm all those things. Tomorrow will be better I'm sure.

"You can't talk to me that way!" and other Ineffective Boundaries

So one of the things I work on a lot in counseling with folks is how to set appropriate boundaries. We talk about having respect for both yourself and the other person, being direct and clear- stuff like that. Frequently after rehearsing in session who and when they will set a boundary with they go to try it and come back to report it didn't work.

"You can't talk to me that way anymore because it's my boundary."


"Oh yeah?! I can and will and YOU can't tell me how to talk."

So my client will come back really discouraged and say, "This boundary thing doesn't work."

I thought, as it has been a struggle in my life and something I see many people work at, I'd write a little bit on how to set boundaries. Here are some guidelines:

Boundaries only control YOU- not the other person. (which is why "you can't talk to me that way" doesn't work. They can talk any way they want to.)

Boundaries explain what you will/will not tolerate in a relationship.

Boundaries are clear and direct- not general as in "You have to start being nicer to me"

Boundaries show respect for yourself and the other person.

Healthy boundaries honor God's word.

This would be an example of the earlier conversation with a healthy boundary:

"When you call me names or curse at me, I feel hurt and angry. It's ok to express your feelings but it's not ok to be disrespectful toward me. In the future, if you begin to call names or curse, I will end the conversation and leave the room/hang up the phone."


See the difference? The second conversation does not tell the other person what to do. It simply expresses what I will do, if they choose to behave in a way that is unacceptable to me. The other person can choose to continue the same behavior, but my response is what will be different. It was direct and clear instead of saying  something vague like "when you are so mean to me" I said "when you curse or call me names"


Hope this is helpful to those of you who, like me, have had to practice and learn this principal. I still work at it, but after 12 years of recovery work from my codependency it comes much easier! My favorite book on the topic is Boundaries by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. 

Monday- this and that.....

So, it's the start of a new week- one of my favorite week's actually. I love Easter and everything leading up to it. I have come to appreciate more and more the beauty and horror of the Cross and the power and victory of the Resurrection. I think probably I will continue to find more depth and meaning every year of my life, and so there is a sense of quiet anticipation within me as we approach this special time.

Also on my radar this week is the imminent arrival of my parents. They called a few weeks ago and said they wanted to come for Easter. As we live 12 hours apart (they reside in sunny Orlando where I grew up) I am always delighted to have them! I saw them last in October, which was 5 months ago. It's amazing how fast time goes right now. Anyway, I will be a flurry of cleaning and fluffing to make the house lovely (not that they care, but I do). And I also need to get my Easter Bunny action on at some point before Sunday morning! I'm thinking World Market this year, because I was in there after Christmas and wished I had gone there for cool stocking stuffers....

One relief in past busy-ness is I no longer feel the need to go "over the top" on Easter clothing. That used to be a stressor for me: "does everyone have their Easter outfit ready?" But as the years have gone by I have decided that, for our family, I want the focus to be less on how we look on Easter Sunday, and more on the condition of our hearts. So Emma has picked out which of her dresses she will wear and I will recycle an old Easter dress and my men will pick what they want within the boundary of "something that looks nice."

My husband told me last night he has decided to "fast" from his usual entertainment forms this week. I thought that was really neat and felt thankful for a man who allows the Lord ownership of his heart.

Kyler's brace snapped in half on Saturday so I will be tracking down the company who makes it to see if they will replace it or if we have to buy a new one. (fingers crossed- these carbon graphite babies are not cheap) They market this particular brace as "indestructible" which I think ought to count for something in the procuring of a new one. Also, perhaps they should look up the word indestructible.....

Okay, my last Monday tidbit I'll leave you with is a picture of my soon-to-be 9 year old girl have a tea party on the porch with her dolls. I had given her a real miniature tea set (translate: breakable) to play with and she had a ball. She had seen "tea lessons" on her Felicity movie and thoroughly enjoyed reenacting the scene. It was too sweet and a reminder to enjoy the simple blessings of Springtime. Happy Monday!

April Fool's Day

I happened to be pregnant with Emma when April Fool's Day rolled around in 2003. So I decided to play a little joke on the hubs, by calling him and telling him I had gone into labor early. (It would have been about 6 1/2 weeks early) Scott was totally startled, believed me and was worried which surprised me because it didn't seem like anything to be worried about really. But, since he was worried, I had to tell him it was just April Fool's thereby ending the whole little joke. So all I'm saying is: think through your pranks, so as not to cause alarm to loved ones. It's all fun and games till somebody has to end up apologizing for not being as cute and funny as they thought they were......

Favorite Job Ever

My first real job, not counting babysitting which some crazy people let me do for them when I was like 11, was a cashier at Publix. I was a junior in high school and minimum wage was $4.25 per hour. I liked my job in general and I liked getting a paycheck in specific.

Since that time I have had many jobs, my least favorite being the snack bar at Oklahoma Christian University where I had to wear a green trucker hat (before it was retro and cool) that said "Itza Pizza" and  drop frozen chicken fingers and cheese stix into fry baskets. I smelled like grease all the time because of that job, not to mention I think I gained 10 lbs. Additionally, I felt mortified all the time because all these cute guys would come and order food and I felt ridiculous in my trucker hat and greasy shirt.

I worked for my dad in our family business off and on for years. I was his catalog-maker, receptionist, leads follow-uper and coffee girl. I was over paid. And it was certainly a saving grace when I was a single mom for a bit. My brother also worked in the business and would sing me real songs, but insert my name in them instead of the original lyrics. "Debi, Debi Crockett- queen of the wild frontier...." or "I believe Debi can fly, I believe Debi can touch the sky..." stuff like that. It made work fun, although none of those roles besides coffee-girl really fit me.

I cleaned houses some. I taught Bible at preschool. I waitressed. I had a very short stint of starting a business making vintage pillowcase dresses. I have an eclectic resume to say the very least. So, I was shocked when God brought me a real "grown up" job 4 years ago. My interview consisted of telling my life story to Mike, who said "well that's great. You're hired." I was terrified and delighted. And thankful. Plus I got to start buying and wearing professional clothing and shed the "mom uniform" of jeans and sweats every day of my life.

There are two reasons why this is my favorite job ever. One- I get to be who God made me to be and in the process help people. Counseling in some ways is very natural for me- it's how I'm wired. Of course my training and years in ministry helped and my on-going studies keep me growing, but essentially this is what God made me to do. The second reason I love this job is the people I work with. I cannot imagine a more supportive work environment, people who care more about me as a friend than co-worker and the best part is the common bond of faith in Christ. My goal was never really to have a career, but God saw fit to give me one anyway.