Progress

So let's review Debi's progress toward becoming a real reader in 2012. I started off strong as my previous post on reading dysfunction shows. (note- I have tried to figure out how to create a link to this that does not spell out the whole web address and alas, no success. The post was from April 9 for those who would care to review. And yes, I realize I should get some techy help soon!) Then summer hit and I got busy with hungry, bored children. Now that all said children are back in school I am back on track. How do I know this? Well, for one I have been in book stores twice in the past week alone! Additionally I have purchased two new books. So my real challenge lies in the fact that having purchased two new novels, AND having begun reading both on different days, NOW do I go back and just finish the one I started or continue alternating between them? Oh, and the other dilemma is the pesky little nagging I feel that I am supposed to be reading another book altogether....

I had a friend send me an email some months ago and in it she mentioned a book that was life changing for her- Seven, by Jen Hatmaker. She told me all about it and I thought, perhaps I'll read that someday, but to be honest the subject matter seemed intense. She said it was all about living more simply, getting rid of excess. I like the idea of that. But the actual practice of it, well......

So yesterday, while hunting down a Maeve Binchy novel called Tara Road, from a tip I received off the ever reliable facebook,  I wandered into the "christian inspiration" section of Barnes and Nobles. And staring back at me was Seven. So I picked it up and began to browse. I did not feel inspired. I felt uncomfortable. Hmm. So I put it back.

I think I should read this book.

No, no this is just some weird expectation you have that you should read it because you're an indulgent suburbanite.

Well, what if I am an indulgent suburbanite? Shouldn't I at least explore the possibility that God would have some room for me to grow?

What if I discover things I don't like? What if I need to live more simply but my husband does not? What if I have to give up Target? 

(please tell me I'm not the only one who has these back and forth discussions in her head because in re-reading this I think I sound a bit like Gollum in LOTR's ...)

So, today I am ordering Seven for my Kindle. It's been decided that any book causing this much internal dialogue simply must be read. and along with it, somehow I still must finish Major Pettigrew's Last Stand and Tara Road. My guess is "real readers" do not experience quite this much stress about reading, but I shall persevere in my quest. And of course I will let you know what I discover.....

Encouragement

I have been noticing lately how very discouraged we often become as we go through a regular day. There are minor set backs, like my jeans aren't fitting anymore or my kid forgot his lunch or the electric bill is $106 higher than last month. There are hurtful moments like my husband was irritable with me or my coworkers forgot my birthday or no one noticed my new hair cut. There are major setbacks like we won't be getting a paycheck this month or my mom is in the hospital not doing well or a close friend is moving away.

You know what makes it better? Remembering Jesus and encouragement from loved ones.

Sometimes I think when we see a friend going through a tough time we want so badly for them to feel better we believe we must somehow solve the problem to be of any help. So we either begin to offer lots of opinion, advice or instruction or we simply say "I'll be praying" and pull back. But, the truth is we don't need to take problems away to be a blessing to our friends and family when they are down. The best encouragement we can give them is to "Consider Him, who endured such opposition from sinful men so you do not grow weary and lose heart." (Hebrews 12:3) When we are reminded of what Christ did on our behalf, we gain strength to continue to face a broken and painful world. He faced the worst of it already- for me! So that I could be reconciled to God forever. "These light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all!" (2 Cor. 4:17)

In addition to reminding of the gospel, we can remind others of our love. There are so many times where I was feeling a little down or discouraged and a text or email would come from a friend saying I was thinking of you and I love you. Didn't take away any of my circumstances, but reminded me I'm not alone. Often what I hear the women around me doing is subtly (or not so subtly) putting themselves down. Feeling like a "weirdo" or strange, they call themselves names or minimize their feelings or apologize for having them. One of the best things we can do is speak truth to each other at those times.

It's okay to be who and where you are! 

God loves you, always. 

This is temporary- it will pass. 

Life is hard, but God is good.

I am here for you anytime!

So if you are having one of those minor or major discouragement kind of days, take heart. There is a Savior who loves you, and who will one day make all things new. In the meantime, He can change you in spite of all the brokenness of this world. He is at work whether you see Him or not. If you don't know Him, I'd love to share how he changed my life, so send me a message with your email and we can talk about it. 

Settled

Much to my unexpected delight, I have managed to get everyone back-to-school with a grand total of 23 pieces of paperwork this year. I don't know why it took 51 last year, but I am not asking questions! And our only mishap was one 4th period study hall paper disappeared in all the stacks (which my middle son was highly displeased about, but I count as a success because I'm only human and it is, after all, study hall. Surely the teacher can't find a new one for me to sign.) I am thrilled to find myself this morning in my home, alone.

AAHHHHH........

I truly adore my family. But by then end of the summer, I long for the silence of a clean house. (Dirty houses feel noisy to me.)  For some reason when everyone is home, I just can't seem to get engaged in projects or cooking or cleaning very efficiently. I think I need the satisfaction of working something to completion and being able to step back and appreciate it, without children and husband puttering around me leaving trails of empty cups, socks, keys and toys. So this morning, after going at 5:30 am to the gym, I shuttled all the people out the door to school/work and then made homemade banana bread (and washed all the dishes involved!), got homemade vegetable beef soup in the crock pot for dinner and did all my meal planning/grocery list for this Friday's shop. Triumphant! It's only 11am!!

On another note, I have decided once a year I need to purchase new organizing items to reward myself for all my careful and thrifty ways. With the kids getting new notebooks and pencils and such, I felt it was a good time (plus it's all on sale right now!) so I bought a new, cute coupon keeper and decided it would be more fun to do my meal planning in a pretty journal, and I had one I haven't used at all yet, so that was free! So, mama got her own back to school supplies for a grand total of $11.83, which in light of the couple thousand I saved in coupons last year seems like a good bonus.

Hope all my mama friends with kids in school are enjoying their new school schedule as much as I am!

Jesus is not another Hat

So here is a little advice: when cleverly naming your blog, make sure you can pronounce it. Just a thought. Moving on. After recently figuring out how to pronounce Millinery, I was sharing with a few friends why I chose the name. It's a hat shop and I loved the idea of a blog to explore all the hats we wear as women and even "try a few on" by reading the experience of others. Then a thought occurred to me: what if you, my readers, have misinterpreted one aspect of my little analogy?

If you've read much of this blog at all, you are aware of my love for Jesus. That I believe the gospel has changed my life and applies to everything- at least, I hope and pray that's obvious. But, I do want to clarify one thing: Being a christian is NOT another hat we put on. You know, time to take off the wife hat and put on the Jesus hat for church on Sunday. Or time to take off the Jesus hat and put on the Soccer Mom hat on Saturday. (As a side note, what would a Jesus hat even look like? Some big feathery wide brimmed hat with a blinking WWJD on the brim and a Lifeway logo on the back?) 

If you thought I was saying Jesus is just another role we play or piece of our identity as women, I have sorely failed. Let me be clear: Jesus, in my analogy, is the hat box. Every other role we play, comes out of that box. He is not just part of my identity; all the parts of who I am are found in and through Him. 2 Peter 1:3 says we have "everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own power and goodness." He called us and he equips us to wear every hat in the shop that we wear. If I try to wear a hat (be a good wife, mom, daughter, employee, etc.) apart from my knowledge of Christ (who He is, what He says about me, what He has done for me) I may succeed but I will miss my Savior. I will instead look to one of those roles to save me, to give my life meaning, to define me. And that is a scary amount of weight to place on anything but Jesus.

Okay, thanks for letting me clarify and now with my worker hat on, I'm off to Branches. 

Titus 2 Four U - Limit Critique

In most women that I know, and in myself, there seems to be a common theme of "relational improvement". Our radars are highly tuned in to any area we can help improve for our husbands or children. We notice if they'd just: call their mom more often, ask their boss how his weekend was, quit interrupting others, sit up straighter, go in to work 30 minutes earlier, stop telling such long stories, spend a little more time with the kids one-on-one, read their bible more, eat better- THEN their lives would be so much better! So we set off on an improvement campaign to help make them the person we believe God wants them to be.

Have you ever read the book of Proverbs? I highly recommend women read this book, because it is full of practical wisdom and principals on how to live. But one thing it is also full of is cautionary descriptions of unpleasant wives. (Perhaps if Solomon had not had so many wives this would have been better... but I digress) Wives are compared to a dripping faucet, called contentious and it's said it would be better to be on the corner of a roof then live in the house with one of these "nagging" women. Now to be fair, Solomon also says finding a wife is a good thing, and then describes in chapter 31, that famous description of a wife with noble character. But on the whole, you get the feeling Solomon had endured (and watched his buddies endure), a whole lotta' nag!

"But, we're not nagging- we're helping!" A few years ago the thought occurred to me that "help" is only such if it is perceived as helpful by the recipient. In other words, would your husband and children say they feel helped or criticized? If the person I'm trying to help walks away feeling defeated, unliked or discouraged- did I accomplish my goal? And are they even likely to take my unsolicited opinion? I will freely admit, I fail often in this area. In fact, I have recently come to the conclusion that this is an area I need to focus more attention on. I had an honest discussion with my husband, that left me with the realization that more often than not, he feels criticized by my attempts to "better him".

So what's a woman to do? I'll tell you what the Lord has laid on my heart in this area, and you take what feel might be helpful for you:

1. When I notice something I want to suggest or feel concerned about: pray about it for two weeks. No bringing it up until I have fully prayed it through. Sometimes God shows me that my motives for concern are purely selfish. Sometimes the "problem" resolves itself. And then occasionally I still feel the need to discuss a concern.

2. Limit, absolutely, critique to one item per week. Once you've reached your limit, go back to #1.

3. Focus energy on praise. Studies say for every one negative, we need ten positives to balance it out. I find that whatever I focus on, expands. When I retrain my mind to be more tuned in to the good, positive, successful traits and qualities in my loved ones, the areas of concern get smaller naturally. Phillipians 4:8 tells us to think on the positive, and this applies to our view of others as well.

4. Focus heart on Christ. All throughout scripture, we are told to set our hearts on Christ. To remember Him in our day to day life. How does this help with not being a nagging wife/mom? Well, when I focus on Christ I am reminded of His great love and grace for ME! I am full of faults and flaws and sin and weakness, but Jesus doesn't constantly nit-pick me. In fact, He says His grace is sufficient for me and when I am weak, then I am strong. As I experience His grace to me, it overflows to my family. It's not saying they don't have areas they need to improve. It's realizing it's not my job to show them or condemn them for where they are currently.