Don't Forget Your Hair Spray, and 5 Other Ways to Enjoy Get-AwayswithYour Husband

We just got back from a little " in town, get away" anniversary adventure. It was the best 24 hours I have spent in months. Some couples are excellent at money management, conflict resolution or DIY house projects. The hubs and I have decided "Celebrating" is one of our strengths as a couple. Now before you chalk us up as "low skills" I'd like to point out that many couples have disappointing date nights, vacations and holidays together. Why? Because it actually takes a certain perspective and a little bit of skill to do well in these areas, especially once you throw a few kiddos in the mix.

So in honor of Wedding season, and inevitably, anniversary season, here are my pointers to learn to be "Happy Celebrators in Marital Bliss":

1. Plan your dates together for the big occasions. Now, I know this takes a bit of the romance out of having the husband whisk you away to a charming B &B for two nights, but let's face it: he's probably not going to do that. Maybe once in your married life. But think of all those other occasions you were hoping he would read your mind and just know, that you really wanted to take a hot air ballon ride, go camping, try that new sushi place around the corner, and somehow, mysteriuosly you ended up at Olive Garden. Again. Talking about what you both want to do, think you can afford, etc. leads to a more fulfilling experience for you both.

2. Ditch the Hollywood High expectations. You already know in your day in, day out life, marriage is more normal than epic, more regular than extraordinary. But somehow on important celebrations, we revert into thinking this one night will be magic and fireworks and somehow both your bodies will shape shift into a thinner and younger version of who you currently are. And we find ourselves disappointed in an otherwise lovely evening simply because it was not glamorous enough. No one moment can live up to that kind of pressure, nor can one person. You'll both have so much more fun if you expect it to feel like a date night, not a scene from Titanic.

3. Plan your child care way ahead of time and come up with a back up plan for if the kids get sick. Waiting till the week of your big date is too much stress. By the time you get it all figured out you'll be stressed out and not able to enjoy the evening. This is a great time to point out that part of having community in your life is to support you. Marriages need to be nurtured, and celebrating anniversaries, birth day's and such is one way to nurture them. So, find another family in your community and commit to swap kids for each others anniversary.

4. Do things out of order. Typical date night for a married couple looks like dinner, maybe a movie, pick kids up from sitter, come home and then attempt to enjoy the less clothed part of celebrating. But, who says it has to go in that order? For most couples the struggle to have a happy sex life has to do with a. never being alone in the house and b. being too tired. Mix things up!

5. Do one thing to feel more attractive than usual. Date nights are supposed to be more special than "meatloaf Wednesday" so wear your hair in your  favorite style, paint your toes, put on the good perfume. And certainly, do something you know your husband likes as well. If you're always in pants but he loves you in a skirt, wear one! This is great time to borrow from your friends closets. There's no need to buy a new outfit, especially if you can't afford it, but a cute pair of shoes or a different top, go a long way to feeling special and pretty.

6. For overnight trips: bring some snacks for your hotel room, air freshener for the bathroom, the cutest lingerie you have (no borrowing on that one!) and for heaven's sake don't forget your hair products like I did this weekend! I scrounged a clear ponytail holder and one bobby pin from the bottom of my purse, but had no mousse, hair spray or even a comb. Luckily the hotel had both a hair dryer and comb. It was not my best hair day, but that leads to number seven....

7. Remember to laugh and be silly together! No talking about bills, kids, stress or problems in the relationship. This is a time to reminisce, to enjoy, to delight. We always talk about our memories from our wedding weekend on our anniversary, but we also talk about mishaps and calamities that we can laugh at in hindsight. We usually talk about where we see growth in our relationship and how God has answered prayers in the past year.  We hold hands, we kiss at dinner, we tell each other how happy we are to be "us".

Till Death Do Us Part is a Sneaky Vow

It's Anniversary Week for my darling husband and I so naturally I am in full on reminisce mode. We had such a blissful dating, engagement and wedding process. Truly lovely with lots of humor and a little romance and oodles of joy. Makes me smile just to think about it. We were one of those couples who wrote our own vows. I worked diligently to memorize mine, so as to recite them flawlessly during our ceremony. And I did, unless becoming so choked with tears I couldn't speak doesn't count as flawless. The husband, who doesn't really like memorizing things, glanced at his before the ceremony. He said several wonderful things about leading me as Christ leads him but at some point got stuck and ended on, "I just love you so much. Just a lot. I just do." At which point I gave our officiant a look that said, He's done here. Put him out of his misery. We then exchanged rings and recited the traditional ring vows which end with "till death do us part."

Till death do us part. It's always been kind of a morbid thought to me that we talk about death in our wedding ceremonies. I mean, I understand the idea- we're committing to love the person as long as we're both physically available. However, when you're all dressed in white and lace and flowers, bringing up death has always felt out of place. And, it seems like something that will happen far into the future. But as my marriage has taught me, and continues to teach me, if I want to be around to love when we're 90 and almost done with this life, I better get used to a lot of dying in the present. There is just no other relationship that asks me to die to myself as often and as deeply as marriage. In the beginning, it's not so hard. Sure, it's annoying to have to compromise on so many decisions I used to make alone, but it's manageable. That's because you aren't dying yet. You know you're dying to yourself when there is no way to compromise. You can't live in two different cities at the same time. You can't save and spend the same dollar or go home and go away on the same holiday. One of you will get your way, and one of you will die. But even those moments can be shuffled about in your mind and kept track of who has given in, how many times to even it out. To keep things fair. But then there come the hard moments. The times where there is no way to make it right, to even it out or pay it back. When one of you sins against the other. When you are both in pain and grief and someone has to be the first to reach out. When apologies are needed, but not offered and yet love still needs to be exchanged. These are the moments you really have to die to yourself in order to love. They feel almost impossible at times. My pride and selfishness are so hard wired into my nature. My need to be validated or be right or be better threaten my ability to love often. The only way I have found to really die to myself is to remember the one who died to Himself for me. When there wasn't a way to make up for my mistakes, to even the score, He made the first move. He willingly laid down his perfect life in exchange for my sinful one.

So on this wedding anniversary, I am focusing on the cost of real love. It is not cheap. It is not easy. It doesn't always flow like a love song. But in the moments of surrender, sacrifice and serving- there I get a glimpse of my Lord's love for me. And there I find that God changes my heart toward my husband and my marriage so that even in death, I see life renewed.