Awareness

Hospitals are interesting places. Neither of my older kids had ever really seen someone they cared about in a hospital bed after surgery, so yesterday was a first. Both were a little startled by seeing their Gram with so many tubes and needles attached to her- especially her central line which was placed in her neck. I'll admit even I was startled a bit by that one, when I saw her in her recovery room two hours after surgery. But by yesterday, her color was "normal" and her swelling had gone down quite a bit, so I didn't predict that the boys would be as uncomfortable as they were initially. They "got over it" after we had been there for awhile, but it got me thinking- mortality is a little unsettling.

I mean, we all know we will die at some point. But, we don't really believe it. We don't live like we know our lives could end at any moment. And when someone dies suddenly, we are all in shock, as though we expect to get advanced notice. I have realized as I've watched my MIL struggle through horrible pain over the past few weeks, that I'm not ready for any of our parents to die. I know that many of my friends have already lost one or both of their parents, but I'm still not ready. Here's the other truth: God's timing won't have anything to do with how ready I feel.

So, as a slightly refined perspective, I am determined all the more to live deeply in the moment I am in, and truly love the people God has given me to love. Life is a blessing, and I don't want to waste it.