Party Time (baby-palooza-central)

It is an avalanche of Pampers, pacifiiers, adorable onsie's and baby shower bliss up in here! I have had so much fun reliving the baby days with lots of sweet mama's over the past few months. Recently I had the priviledge to host two fun showers- one for my dear friend's adopting three children from Colombia (yes, three!) and one for Emma's darling teacher who is expecting her first baby. Just for fun I thought I'd share some highlights from the events.

As the children are coming from Colombia, we used a global theme

Loved how the maps looked in our decor!

Cannot WAIT to welcome these three into our church family!

The beautiful mama-to-be! Doesn't she look so happy?

My dear friend, who is a real gourmet cook, researched authentic Colombian desserts and made these Alfajores cookies! Delish!

It was truly a wonderful celebration of a 2 1/2 year journey toward bringing home their children and I felt so blessed to get to host the joyous occasion! And there were lots of delightfully helpful friends who contributed food, creativity and love to make it a special afternoon.

My other baby shower fun was for Emma's teacher, who is expecting her first baby boy, Avery James, next month. (We may or may not go into mourning when she goes on maternity leave) It's a little more challenging, decorating and celebrating in a school classroom, but I think it turned out great and the kids had a blast celebrating their beloved Mrs. Wilson.

Because we combined our class Valentine's party with the baby shower we went with the theme "Showers of Love"

We played "Guess the Baby Food" and don't be fooled by that smile- Emma skipped the taste testing and opted to sniff the little blobs to make her guess!

All the 4th grade parents contributed food and we had quite a spread!

What a blessing for Emma to have had Mrs. Wilson this year! (side note- Emma picked out her Valentine's Day outfit and was decidedly the most colorful child in class! Love my little fashionista!)

Grace, Mercy and Apple

Two nights ago I received grace and mercy, quite unexpectedly in the form of a brand new Ipad.

Two days ago I was having one of those irrational, hormonal, "don't mess with me pork chop" kind of days. For no good reason, mind you. Nothing bad happening, no drama- just a moody and unbalanced kind of day. Fortunately for the children they were all in school. Not so fortunately for my husband, he was not. Working from home has many challenges for him, not the least of which is his wife interrupting his concentration by asking questions that come to mind or trying to talk him into taking me on a lunch date (although to be fair he is pretty easy to convince on that one). At any rate, on this particular day I was not in the mood to have him home. I wanted the house all to myself because I'm almost never there without someone else. Plus, and this will make no sense to men, I can't clean in peace knowing he's there. But, here's the kicker, I wasn't even planning on cleaning. I just wanted the option to know if I decided to clean in peace, he was not going to be there to annoy my inner zen. (I already admitted to being irrational- just giving you an accurate picture of my self absorption in the moment) So, I began a not-so-subtle campaign to create motivation in him to leave. I wasn't exactly picketing his presence, but close. I whined about how I'm never alone in the house. I reminded him he had some good errands he needed to run. I even became tearful at one point about how I can't get on the computer because he's always working on it. It wasn't pretty and i even knew it was ridiculous, but felt incapable of reeling it in. Finally, as any sane person would do, he got the heck out of there.

About 4 hours later I got a text. "I have a fun surprise for you." Curious, I thought, but fun none the less.

When I came home from picking up the kids from school, waiting on the kitchen counter was a big, red Valentine's bag with heart tissue sticking out of it and a card resting next to it. My husband came out of the bedroom with that look of someone who knew he was about to totally delight me. And he was right. I opened the card, which was super sweet, and then pulled out a brand new Ipad and attachable keyboard. I was completely shocked. For one thing, I have never owned a piece of new technology. I always get hand-me-downs because I'm cheap like that. (Remember, I used a duct taped washing machine for a year) But also, we do not exchange gifts for Valentine's Day normally. And certainly not one so extravagant. As he was telling me all about how he spent several hours comparing devices and talking to the sales guys about which option would fit my needs best, I was thinking, "I am a big fat jerk. I cannot believe he went out and bought me an Ipad in response to my bratty attitude this morning." But, you know, that's how God designed marriage to work. When I am being unlovable, my husband is supposed to mirror God's love for me. And when he is having his "jerky" moments, I am to reflect God's love to him.

Grace is getting what you don't deserve. Mercy is not getting what you do deserve. I deserved my husband to be annoyed or angry with me. Perhaps to withhold his love until I at least apologized. But I got none of that. I did not deserve an overflow of extravagant love, but I got it anyway. In Christ, I receive both grace and mercy every day. I deserve punishment for my rejection of God in my self service. I don't deserve an extravagant inheritance and blessing upon blessing. But Jesus took my punishment, so I could receive His reward. Grace and Mercy.

Lessons from the Six Month Fast

It's official. (drum roll, please) The end of Shopping Fast and Purge-the-House is upon me. On the one hand I'd like to run out and buy some of the boots I've been longing for. On the other hand it feels a little strange. After abstaining from commercialism personally for 6 months, I'm not overly eager to get back into it.

I have been thinking a lot about the point of some of my recent ventures. Wondering and questioning myself as to why I am even doing things like "purging seven items a day". What is the point? Emma asked me the very question as we were setting items on the dining room table to photograph for tonight's blog. I told her about how I wanted to help our family be free from materialism- loving things more than God or people. Then it hit me- my stuff is not my problem, my heart is. If I love my things more than God or his mission, it's not because of the things themselves. In fact, you can be consumed with greed while living in poverty, or abundantly generous while living in plenty. I don't need to purge items from my home, but idolatry from my heart, if I want to be free from materialism.

So was my experiment an unnecessary exercise? Foolish? I don't think so. Because attachment to things is an outward symptom of an inner problem- so I suppose in some ways this experiment was exposing places in my heart that need exposing. The places I can usually overlook and rationalize. Every time I said no to my usual course of spending and accumulating stuff, I had to deal with the desires I was starving. There is no denying that my shopping or "treating myself" (as I like to call it) often flows out of frustration, exhaustion or insecurity. And while buying a new pair of boots will make me feel better momentarily, it's not meant to be my primary source of comfort or encouragement. And far too often, it is. In fact, without shopping or getting little treats like a Sonic diet coke, I noticed I actually felt sorry for myself sometimes. As if it was a terrible thing to have a stressful day with no way to alleviate that stress. (Really?? I have the King of the Universe I can talk to any time, who has rescued me from all of my sin and death and I think I need something from Altar'd State to make me feel better?)

I'll be the first to tell you I did not hold perfectly to my fast or purge. But since perfect is not my goal, and utterly impossible anyway, I am not concerned about that. I set out to see if by removing some of my normal life I could create a space for wanting more of Christ. And that was absolutely a success. Not in some noble, clouds parting and sunbeams shining on me kind of way. More in a cranky, annoyed, humbling realization that I am weak and tend to seek comfort and security in so many things besides God, and yet He loves me all the same. And from that awareness I am gratefully driven back to Him.

some of the 217 items we are selling from this month

proud of my whole family for joining the purge!

Some Thoughts on Being Healthy

It's like I blinked and missed January. Have you ever had that experience? You're just plugging along in your little life and suddenly it feels like you entered a time warp and lost days or weeks with no real awareness of how. So hi. Glad to be back into normal time and my bloggy adventure.

In honor of the annual "Get Back to the Gym, Eat Healthy, Lose Weight" month (otherwise known as January) that begins our year in American culture, I have been thinking about the pressure to deal with our health as women. On the one hand, God is very clear that our lives are a gift and we are to reflect gratitude and exercise good stewardship for these ever-aging bodies while we can.  On the other hand, exactly what does that mean? Can I still eat a cheeseburger sometimes? Do I have to cut out all high fructose corn syrup, non-organic veggies, Blue Dye 40 and aspartame? And what about exercise? And how do I decide which voice to listen to in making these decisions??? (I vote Pinterest because there are constant reports of how simple it is to be healthier and most of it seems to involve crock pots, 10 minute workouts before you shower and detox water's full of yummy. Plus in all the pictures the girls abs are ROCKIN!)

So, at the risk of stepping on toes, I'd like to offer a few ideas for how to approach the concept of being healthier. Not necessarily which step for you to take, but how to evaluate taking them. And what that might look like in the realistic life of a mom/wife/worker/student.

Idea One: we can only deal with one change at a time. It's just the way most people grow and learn. We tend to make lasting changes if we pick one thing and allow ourselves to adapt to it, rather then completely overhauling everything at once. So, if you think you need to eat more vegetables, drink more water, cut out fast food and exercise 3 times a week- as slow as it feels, just pick one to begin with. Let your life and schedule and brain adapt to it. Let it become "normal" before you move on.

Idea Two: quit making it a moral issue. This is where I could risk stepping on toes, but I'm going there anyway. Unless it is a command of God's, we have personal choice to evaluate and decide what we believe works best for our life. God never says "thou shalt avoid GMO's" or "thou shalt exercise daily". Do you know where legalism comes from? It comes from taking a principal of God (like modesty, generosity, stewardship) and creating rules about how to live out that principal. I can't tell you how you should best steward your health any more than you can tell me about mine. I know you need to consider that question, as do I. But I may come to a different conclusion than you, or mainstream media or my doctor or my natural health inclined friend.

Idea Three: start with either- your most troubling area OR the one that sounds the easiest. This speaks to motivation. Depending on personality, you may be motivated more by attacking the area of your health that causes the most stress. (In my life this was my lack of energy for several years. I needed to have this problem resolved so I was willing to hit the gym at 5:15am for months to get into an exercise groove.) On the flip side, you may be more motivated by attacking the thing that feels easiest to start with. Sort of the dip-your-big-toe-in-the-pool approach. So maybe you think, I need to exercise, drink water and quit consuming large amounts of bacon. Pick the one that sounds the least difficult. (Water obviously. Bacon is delicious and exercise is hard.) Once you have some success and your water intake is up, you can move on to cutting back on pig.

Idea Four: use common sense. The internet is full, I mean FULL, of information. Some of it good, some of it nonsense. Be cautious and be aware. Listen to those whom you respect and who are generally very healthy people. Some things just make good sense- eat real food with as little chemicals as possible, over all. Move your body regularly. Sleep every night. Drink a lot of water. Get variety in your diet. Practice gratitude by thanking God for your body and how it allows you to serve Him, your family and others. Allow times for both feasting and fasting in your life, as both have value. (I feast from Thanksgiving till New Years! Then I fast, till my pants fit properly.)

Hope your 2013 is off to a bang!

Happy New Year!

There has been so much relaxing and eating and movie watching going on in my life over the past week I have been unwilling to break away to get back to blogging. I delight in the holiday season because I am off work, my kids are off school and we spend a large amount of time having fun together. The break from structure and schedule does my spirit good!

I've been trying to decide if I should attempt to recap 2012 month by month, or in picture form, but I really feel overwhelmed at that thought. There is always so much life packed into 365 days- how do you condense it to 12 events or pictures? I'm grateful for the fullness in my life- all the places we go, people we love, missions we engage in- but it makes a recap nearly impossible.

So instead I will share a few of the defining moments of this year for me......

my mother in law's surgery and recovery during May and June- exhausting but good time of pulling together as a family- so thankful she is recovering and better

reading the book Seven- humbling and challenging

Kyler getting his first job- aware that my first born is almost gone, less mothering to do-more praying

Klynt's journey with physical therapy after his elbow surgery- exhausting but some good bonding

the Habakkuk series at City Church- paradigm shift, learning to remember and wait

speaking at the LCG conference- God using me in a new way, giving me new opportunities

taking Emma to get her ears pierced- mother-daughter relationship really growing this year

beginning my Women's Group- creating deeper relationships for me as we all grow in our relationship with God

creating Millinery and blogging- a new adventure, writing- allowing me to be creative

2012. A challenging year for me on a spiritual level. I have learned a tremendous amount this year about the way the Gospel applies to every area of my life. I have enjoyed new friendships and been thankful for long standing relationships who are willing to continue to love me and point me to Jesus. I am grateful for my marriage, my children and my parents- all four of them (I have set a goal that none of them will have surgery next year!) I am aware of how quickly time passes, and am thankful for ways God has been teaching me to not waste that gift.

Happy New Year friends! Looking forward to sharing my 2013 journey with you!

Merry Christmas!

I am sitting listening to some acoustic guitar Christmas music taking a short break before hopping back up to continue with festive preparations for my Christmas Eve feast at my home. I am delighted with my Christmas season thus far. For some reason this year I have been extra festive. (which, for those who know me, is quite a statement as I am Christmas-crazy already) We started getting out decorations very early this year. We began with watching Elf in mid-November. I don't know if it's because last year I was mainly jet-lagged all December from my India trip or if it's because I'm realizing my oldest will not be home with me much longer and I want to extract every bit of family memory I can while he is still living at home. Maybe both. I also think this year I have been more reflective and introspective as a result of this little Millinery blogging adventure.

Either way, I have truly felt the blessing of Emmanuel this year- God with us. Knowing that is not who He was, but is, has been creating an abundance of joy that is oozing into cookies and snuggling on the couch and giving away money to my church's Mission Offering and sharing food with the needy at Greenhouse Ministries. He left glory, where everything is perfect and right, to join us in a dark and broken world. As one of us. Able to be hurt and harmed and broken. All for love.

Makes me feel like singing! And so I have been, singing Joy to the World and Angels We have Heard on High and O Holy Night. I hope in your heart and home there is joy welling up that leads to worship as well. Merry Christmas from my family to you!

Russell Family 2012

Just for Fun

I just love Christmas! I know I've said it before, but it bears repeating: this is my favorite time of year! (as I type Bing is crooning God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, and Emma is singing along) So just to share all my joy, here are some of my most meaningful decorations in my home:

The Nativity from my childhood and a painting from my childhood best friend both sit by the front door

My Grandmother's nativity always sits on my mantle

My Santa collection lives in a shelf built by my Grandfather who I never met, but will one day!

Our tree this year- we have always done a live tree - I'm usually sweeping up needles in July!

My Christmas China- collected for me completely by my mom- who gave me my love of Christmas!

Girl's Nite Out, Part One

Just got home from a lovely Girl's Nite Out with my sweet friends I work with. It was very relaxing after a week spent having to remind myself to breathe. (see 2 blogs ago) We ate dinner at Cheesecake Factory and wandered into cute shops and oohed and aahed about perfect sandals, cute tops, the very item I needed to find for a baby shower tomorrow and adorable aprons. (I'm seriously considering the need to purchase an adorable apron at this point, just so you know.) The temperature outside was exactly right for window shopping- Emma describes that temperature as "It feels like nothing" which is completely accurate but doesn't sound nearly as pleasant as it feels. A totally needed night away from responsibility and men and dirty dishes and shedding cats.

 I'm so thankful for the women in my life who make life better. This little group is my affirmers. When I spend time with them I come away feeling encouraged. For example, I shared a story with them about this attempt I made at crafting, and how it was a fail and I was so irritated by the entire thing. And they said, "You don't need to be a crafter. You be you. You are just fine without crafting." Which is true, and good to be reminded of. And when I say, "Oh that top is cute" they say "It is cute. You'd look great in that." You know, good friend stuff. I think I am more aware of the sheer delight of time spent with women because I have been through transitions in the past few years in friendships and have spent some seasons lonely. My husband is, in many ways, my best friend. But he doesn't use words like adorable, he doesn't understand why an apron would possibly be a wonderful addition to my life and he does not know why, when one top is perfect for me, another similar one is exactly wrong. He also doesn't connect to how spending time doing something frivolous like window shopping can actually encourage my spirit, as that is not how he is wired. Oh but it does- lift my spirits, that is. Not really the shopping, but the camaraderie and the feeling of being understood. My friends get why I might need to have an adorable apron, even if they don't need one. It goes deeper than that though. These women truly care about me. And I truly care about them. We pray for each other, cry together, vent frustrations, laugh a lot, ask about each other's families, get mad for each other, teach and learn, delight in successes and generally love each other. At dinner tonight we were talking about how the longer you work with a group there are two things that can happen: either little quirks and flaws become things that get under your skin about the people until you no longer even like them, or you just learn to love them enough to cover over that stuff. I am so deeply grateful that God gave me this little group of women to love me enough to cover over my quirks and flaws. They show me a piece of who God is in that and it lifts my spirits much more than window shopping.

Girl Scout Beanie

When I was young, I was in Girl Scouts for one year. It was a pretty good experience overall- I liked earning badges and wearing the uniform. Hated selling cookies but pretended to like it because everyone else seemed so excited about "cookie sales". Anyway, the one thing I learned in Scouts that I never forgot was this little song:

"Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver and the other gold."


As my husband will tell you, once I learn lyrics, I can't forget them even if I want to. So, I taught the song to Emma one time when she was sad about having to make new friends in school and just wanted to keep her old friends. (She found that whole lesson irritating, by the way.) Today I found myself humming the tune. Sort of out of the blue, but I realized I have been really thinking about my friendships lately. I am in a new season: I have older, established relationships that are good and healthy, but I rarely see due to distance or our recent church change. Then I also have brand spanking new "I don't know your history or even your address" friends at my new church that I want to develop. Plus I have sweet friends I work with I want to maintain and invest in. So, as there are only 24 hours in a day, and I currently spend a large portion of those working, sleeping, being with my family or (let's face it) blogging- well that only leaves so much time for getting together with people.

It's a dilemma. Can I hang on to all of them? And am I supposed to? I really don't love the letting go in friendships, but I realize that there are very few relationships you can carry at a deep level your whole life. Most of them fall into seasons. Those were high school friends, college friends, friends from my old neighborhood, my old church, my last job. The problem for me I suppose, is once I love someone, even if it's time to transition into something new, I still love them. Which means I still want to keep up with their life, pray for them, tell their kids Happy Birthday, bring them dinner when they're sick, grab coffee- you know, be friends. Yep, it's a dilemma.

I'm not sure I've really come to a firm conclusion about who I hang on to, how I love people I don't see very much or what the balance is between silver and gold. For now, I just pray for all the amazing women I love. I thank God for the dilemma, because I feel blessed deeply to have so many friends. Today I had lunch with a new friend and got a voice mail from my oldest and dearest friend. Silver and Gold. Both good, both a grace from God.

Or for the Brain Regan fans like myself, both favorites. 

Favorite Job Ever

My first real job, not counting babysitting which some crazy people let me do for them when I was like 11, was a cashier at Publix. I was a junior in high school and minimum wage was $4.25 per hour. I liked my job in general and I liked getting a paycheck in specific.

Since that time I have had many jobs, my least favorite being the snack bar at Oklahoma Christian University where I had to wear a green trucker hat (before it was retro and cool) that said "Itza Pizza" and  drop frozen chicken fingers and cheese stix into fry baskets. I smelled like grease all the time because of that job, not to mention I think I gained 10 lbs. Additionally, I felt mortified all the time because all these cute guys would come and order food and I felt ridiculous in my trucker hat and greasy shirt.

I worked for my dad in our family business off and on for years. I was his catalog-maker, receptionist, leads follow-uper and coffee girl. I was over paid. And it was certainly a saving grace when I was a single mom for a bit. My brother also worked in the business and would sing me real songs, but insert my name in them instead of the original lyrics. "Debi, Debi Crockett- queen of the wild frontier...." or "I believe Debi can fly, I believe Debi can touch the sky..." stuff like that. It made work fun, although none of those roles besides coffee-girl really fit me.

I cleaned houses some. I taught Bible at preschool. I waitressed. I had a very short stint of starting a business making vintage pillowcase dresses. I have an eclectic resume to say the very least. So, I was shocked when God brought me a real "grown up" job 4 years ago. My interview consisted of telling my life story to Mike, who said "well that's great. You're hired." I was terrified and delighted. And thankful. Plus I got to start buying and wearing professional clothing and shed the "mom uniform" of jeans and sweats every day of my life.

There are two reasons why this is my favorite job ever. One- I get to be who God made me to be and in the process help people. Counseling in some ways is very natural for me- it's how I'm wired. Of course my training and years in ministry helped and my on-going studies keep me growing, but essentially this is what God made me to do. The second reason I love this job is the people I work with. I cannot imagine a more supportive work environment, people who care more about me as a friend than co-worker and the best part is the common bond of faith in Christ. My goal was never really to have a career, but God saw fit to give me one anyway.

Being the "Old People" at our new church

I have officially crossed into new territory. In the past two weeks, two different women have approached me to talk about parenting advice with their toddlers. They both commented that they thought I might have some wisdom on the subject, since my kids are all big.

My kids are all big. (??!!)

So, that means, I am now in the "older and wiser" category. I like it, but it doesn't seem possible. I have been young and inexperienced and intimidated and confused and excited and BUSY for as long as I can remember. But, here I am with teenagers and  nine year old. And a middle aged husband. (He will be so mad if he reads this, by the way. He refers to birthdays as "hurling toward death." For real.) I really don't mind being more experienced, more wrinkled, more mushy or more "classic" than these really cute 20-somethings we are building community with. I think they are authentic, passionate, energetic and delightful. Oh and tatooed. That is a particular fad I am completely not a part of. Much to my children's delight, because they would be beyond mortified if I was the mom with tatoo's. They were mortified when I started wearing fake nails. My children are odd sometimes.

Ok, so here's what I think: the Bible says the older women are to teach the younger women. And while being "old" at this church is relative as I am only 38 and intend to be alive at least another 55 years or so, Lord willing, I am older in the faith than most of the women I am surrounded by. I have been walking with Jesus since I was 11. So, for 27 years I've been in process of transformation. Sometimes I have embraced it, sometimes I have ignored it, sometimes I have rebelled. And God just keeps right on working on me. (Thankful!)

So, all of this to say, if you read this and you are younger than 38 or younger than 27 years in the faith, and you have always wanted someone to bounce spiritual/practical/relational stuff off of, feel free. I can share what I've learned, I can offer encouragement and mainly I can point you back to Jesus. To freedom and healing that the Gospel brings.

Hugs to all my sisters in the faith!

Girlfriends

This is a Valentine one of my sweet friends gave me for fun. It sits in my desk at Branches. I am the kind of grown-up woman who still enjoys getting a good "school exchange" Valentine. You know, the kind with the little heart sticker you fold over either side of it to keep it together?

I love this card for two reasons: it says we're the best of friends, which is precious. I realize that even as a grown-up woman, I still have insecurity with my friends from time to time. "Do they really like me or are they just being nice?" It's funny how hard those little lies are to outgrow. In the past, I felt more confident in relationships where I thought people "needed" me but when I perceived us to be on equal footing, my insecurities surfaced. (This is called codependency by the way, and one day I shall blog long and eloquently about this subject as I know it well.) Since I no longer allow myself to "rescue" people, I currently have women friends who I respect, think highly of and realize they in no way "need" me- they just see value in me and chose to love me. It feels good, and occasionally exposes those cracks of insecurity from years of believing unhealthy things. Still it is such a blessing to be loved by my friends, warts and all.

The other thing I love about this Valentine is it's characters from the Wizard of Oz! I grew up loving that movie!!!! A. Somewhere Over the Rainbow is just so fabulous. Martina McBride has a recording of it on her album that I find it utterly impossible to not sing along with. B. Glittery Ruby Slippers. (double love) C. Such a great story about friendship and following dreams and how cool short people are. (This is a loose interpretation, but if you know me, you'll get that part.) D. I have been foolish. I have been cowardly. I have been unloved. I have been lost, and in need of someone to point me in the right direction. I have had a mask on to fool people into thinking I was something I wasn't because I was sure who I was wouldn't be enough. And, in truth I have been wicked. So I relate to all the characters. (Except Toto.) And I will tell you, in most of these times God has used my friends to give me the courage I needed to face the day. Or to tell me the truth so I could grow in wisdom. Or to love me when I wasn't sure I had anything to love them back with. And on and on. The one thing my friends couldn't do for me was exchange my wicked self for a lovely one, so He sent Jesus. 

So if you are my real life friend, thank you. I love you truly. If you are my blog-friend, thank you. I share a lot of "real" on here and I find it surprising that people are reading this. By the way, if you are the kind readers from Germany, United Kingdom, Russia or the Netherlands- hello from America and just so you know I imagine you reading this with your cool accents!

Lava Lamps and Women

The longer I'm married the more clearly I see I am like a lava lamp and my husband is like, well, a regular lamp. (For the purposes of this analogy only. Not trying to impune his originality or creativity. In case he reads this.) So a regular lamp is only "on" when you turn it on. Otherwise it's off. Very straightforward. It shines at one level of brightness, or is completely dark. A lava lamp on the other hand has all these globs of who know's what? floating around in varying stages of light and it changes constantly. Kind of mesmorizing but also, not exactly the best light to say, read or sew or look for your missing birth control pill that fell out of your hand onto the floor (happened this morning).

So, in my world, when I start off my day it's like turning on a lava lamp. All these pieces of information begin moving around in my mind bumping into each other and sometimes combining into new ideas. One thought sparks another, often unrelated to the current thought at hand, and I just add to the globs as the day goes on. So, if for example, I'm thinking about "did I remember to send in Klynt's football forms", it leads to "I'm going to have to change my counseling hours when football season starts so I can be at the games", which leads to "what am I planning for dinner tonight". (Because last year during football season, planning dinners on game nights was challenging.) Which then leads to a deeper thought on "whether I'm doing a good job balancing caring for my family and working" and "do they feel nurtured" and "are we really sharing meals together the way I believe is good". And all this goes on between the time I wake up and pour my first cup of coffee.

Enter my husband, sleepy and non-globby brained who is, at the moment, thinking "Breakfast". He then asks, "do we have any of that good juice left that I liked?" It's really an innocent question, but unfortunately for him he just threw a blob in my lamp that hit my last thought about not knowing if my family feels nurtured. New blob: defensiveness. "Well, we would have more but our grocery budget only stretches so far and I told you if you'd drink a little less we wouldn't run out." Poor guy just wanted a glass of juice. He looks at me like I'm sort of cute and cranky and continues about the process of breakfast. My husband is unfailingly patient. Meanwhile 3 new blobs have appeared including: guilt "I was being defensive for no good reason", time "I have got to get Emma moving or we'll never get out the door" and football forms have reappeared "must ask Klynt if I gave him the forms". Now that I'm more awake the blobs get brighter and move around faster, but they're all still there. In fact, that little blob of guilt will reemerge when I see my husband later that evening. Now here's the proof that he doesn't carry all his thoughts about everything he is connected to all day in his brain: when I apologize for being defensive in the morning, he will inevitably ask "for what?" Every time. He had turned that thought off as soon as he finished breakfast: "Cranky wife" was replaced with "Shower and Get to Work", and it never reappeared. I love this about him for many reasons.

Thankfully, the Lord is always moving around in my mind as well. Reminding me which blobs to throw out, which ones to pay attention to and that he created me this way for a good purpose.